Niles: Frasier?
Frasier: Hmm?
Niles: If we're going to make our reservations, we're going to need to leave now.
Frasier: Oh, is it that time already?
Niles: Already? If I hear one more of that postman's crackpot theories, my head will explode.
Frasier: Oh, Niles, don't worry about him, nobody takes him seriously.
Daphne: [o.s.] I never knew there were so many letters in the dolphin alphabet.

Frasier: Well, um, is Dad ready to go?
Niles: Dad? Dad would be content to sit there swilling beer all night.
Frasier: Well, you know, it seems like everyone is having such a good time, why don't we just push the reservation back another half an hour?
Niles: Well, everyone isn't having a-
Paul: Frais? Sit down and tell us what it's like to be famous.
Frasier: Well, sure Paul. [to Niles] Better make it an hour.

Frasier: Everybody, uh, listen up. Cliff is going through kind of a crisis about leaving.
Carla: No. No, he's not. No crisis.
Frasier: All I'm saying is that it would go a long way toward helping him if you could just let him know how much you're going to miss him. Tell him, you know, how sad you are that he's leaving.
Norm: I don't know, Fras. Look, I'm his best friend, but I am no good at the mushy stuff.
Frasier: Surely you can come up with a few words to say, Norm.
Norm: Yeah, but what if he cries? What if he tries to hug me? What are people gonna think, two guys hugging? I, uh-
Carla: [grabbing Norm's hair] Hey! You're gonna kiss him with tongue if that's what it takes to get rid of him.

Daphne: I haven't known you for very long, Cliff, but I've learned so much from you. I never knew that the Indians of the rain forest used to stretch out pig intestines and use it as a primitive telephone. Or that Winston Churchill invented the modern English muffin. You're a fascinating man. Good luck.

Frasier: Carla? Don't you have a few words to say?
Carla: I sure do. Cliffy, I know that things haven't always been that great between us over the years. But being here tonight, makes me think about the effect that you've had on my life. I'd like to say that I'll miss you... [getting worked up] I'd like to say that I'll miss you...
Frasier: It's okay, Carla.
Carla: I'd like to say that I'll miss you... but it sticks in my throat like your rotten deviled eggs! I hate your guts! The way you talk and talk and talk about nothing! The way you walk, your stupid white socks...
Frasier: Carla!
Carla: Back off, I'm toasting! The twenty years I've known you would have been less painful if I was covered with open sores and thrown into a pit with, with a bunch of diseased rats. But, now, finally, you're leaving! I know I'm not as young as I used to be, but I can live again. I can live again! Finally, I can live! I can live! [laughs maniacally] Anyway, God bless.

Cliff: Well, I can't believe my ears. I heard Paul and Norm there saying all those nice things about me, I actually started thinking maybe I shouldn't go to Florida, leave all my friends. You know, am I doing the right thing? But when I heard you speak those words, Carla, that's when I decided. I am gonna stay.
Carla: What?
Cliff: That's right, you little dickens. You only joke about somebody like that when you really care for them.
Carla: I wasn't joking. I really hate you.
Cliff: Carla, come on, you're gonna make me cry. Everyone, the move is off.
Carla: No! No! No! [Carla leaps up on Cliff's back]
Cliff: Oh, Frasier, I owe this all to you.
Carla: Frasier! We were so close and then you had to show up and ruin everything!
[The mailmen drag Carla out of the room]
Frasier: Well, we've got dinner reservations...

Norm: Marty, you're not going too, are you?
Martin: Yeah, I have to. But hey, why don't you come to Seattle sometime? I'll show you around, have a few beers at McGinty's.
Norm: Yeah? You mean that?
Martin: Absolutely, it's only six hours flying time from here.
Norm: Six hours. You know sitting there in one place, never moving. That's, that's just not me, you know?

Carla: Hey, Cliff, tell us more about how you're leaving. And tell it real slow. Quiet, everybody.
Cliff: Well, Carla, tomorrow I'm getting on a plane and going to the promised land. Florida. Time to hang up the old uniform and live in my Speedos.
Carla: I didn't think anything could live in your Speedos.
Daphne: Aren't you a bit young to retire, Cliff? I'd be worried I'd become bored.
Carla: Ah, now, don't you worry about that, Missy. When I get down there to old Florida, I'm gonna buy myself an airboat. Give tours of the everglades, maybe wrestle a few crocodiles.
Niles: That would be alligators.
Cliff: Ah, common mistake there, Sparky. See, when a crocodile raises its head, its nostrils get pinched shut tight, thereby cutting off its oxygen supply. Yeah, a baby could wrestle one.
Daphne: That's fascinating. Did you know that, Niles?
Niles: I, uh, I still don't. Excuse me Daphne.

Frasier: And this is my dad, Martin Crane.
Cliff: Hey, Marty.
Martin: Nice to meet a fellow civil servant.
Cliff: Oh, you one of the brotherhood, are you?
Martin: I was a cop for thirty years.
Cliff: Oh, couldn't pass the mail carrier's exam, huh?

Cliff: He brought his whole family, Norm.
Frasier: Yeah, yeah. Say hi to my brother Niles and his fiancee Daphne Moon and that's my Dad there, Martin Crane.
Martin: Wow, that's some mug callous you've got there.
Norm: Judging from your grip, I'd say you were a can man.
Martin: Guilty as charged.