Carla: Hey, remember that time you guys took Frasier on a snipe hunt?
Norm: Yeah.
Niles: What's a snipe hunt?
Carla: That's when you take some unsuspecting dope out to bag snipe, which don't exist, and then you ditch 'em in the woods.
Niles: That must have been completely humiliating for Frasier.
Carla: Well, that's the point.
Niles: Well, do you have any more of these stories?
Carla: Only about a million.
Niles: Oh, I don't have time for a million, just tell me the hundred worst.

Frasier: Despite your healthy teen skepticism, Jeremy, problems that seem crushing now can actually serve to shape your life in positive ways later on.
Jeremy: "You're just saying that."
Frasier: No, well, I'll tell you what, perhaps I can convince you with a story. I recall a young man who suffered from involuntary bed-wetting until he was twelve years old. Or was it thirteen? Boy, you'd think I'd remember, I slept in the lower bunk. The point is, it was very difficult for him, what with the alarms, and the bladder stretching exercises and the incessant teasing he suffered once his schoolmates found out.
Jeremy: "How'd they find out?"
Frasier: The point I'm trying to make here is that this man today is a prominent and respected psychiatrist. You see, his affliction served to make him stronger, more empathic, and extremely hygienic. So, hang in there, Jeremy.

Frasier: It promises to be a fun family weekend for all, actually. So what have you got planned for the weekend?
Roz: Actually, my sorority sisters are coming in for a visit.
Frasier: I suppose you'll be sharing the secret handshake, doing skits, that sort of thing.
Roz: Yeah, right. Only problem is, my apartment is just too small for everyone to stay in, and hey your place will be empty.
Frasier: Say no more, Roz. No.
Roz: Why not?
Frasier: Look, I'm sorry, Roz, it's just the idea of strangers in my apartment. I couldn't sleep.
Roz: I'm sorry I asked.
Frasier: No apologies necessary. Oh, oh, Roz, that reminds me: since you're going to be walking Eddie for Dad anyway, I wrote down a list of a couple of other things you can do for me.
Roz: Pick up the mail and newspapers, water the ficus, fluff your pillows?
Frasier: Yes, and oh, please, don't forget to mist my bedroom with rose water. It likes it best at dusk.

Phil: I just wanted to thank you, Cliff, for all the great times we had at Cheers.
Cliff: Well, you were always there for me, Al.
Phil: I'm Phil. Al's been dead for fourteen years, you dumb son of a bitch.

Frasier: And then of course, Norm begging me to stay and that comical moment when Woody threw his arms around my leg and began to cry. Now another one of us is leaving this wonderful town. Good luck, Cliff.
Everybody: Hear, hear.
Norm: Great. I was gonna say "Good luck, Cliff."

Carla: Shh. Here he is. Everyone pretend that you like him.
Frasier: Carla, we do like him.
Carla: Yeah, like that.

Norm: Cliffy, we've been best friends for a long long time. We've done a lot of stuff together, most of it dumb. The rest of it boring. But it's like we have this connection, you know? I mean, somehow we know when we want to be dumb and when we want to be boring. To my best friend, Cliff.

Cliff: Hey, everybody. Thanks for all the gifts, but I don't have much use for a spear gun here in Boston.
[Carla rushes back in]
Carla: Give me that! Give me that! Give me that! I want that! I have use for that! No! Let me go!

Frasier: Well, see you around, Big Shooter.
Cliff: Thanks, Doc.
Daphne: Good luck, Cliff. Any time you're in Seattle-
Niles: Frasier has an extra room.

Frasier: Listen, I'm sorry that I ruined your evening.
Niles: Oh, actually, I ended up rather enjoying myself.
Frasier: Really? I can't tell you how happy I am to hear that. I knew that once you met these people you'd learn to love them as I do.
Niles: Actually, I've rethought a lot of things. I'm going to give you a much deserved introduction at that conference tomorrow.
Frasier: Are you certain?
Niles: Oh, you won't be able to stop me.