Marie: So then, what is it?
Ray: I was just wondering, between Robert and me...
Marie: Oh, where is Robert? He called last night and said he wasn't coming home.
Ray: Yeah, he had a date.
Marie: He did?
Ray: Yeah.
Marie: Oh, ho, ho! Robert had a date? Who is she? Oh, I would've ironed his shirt for him. I mean, they could've eaten here. I would've made something special. Why didn't he tell me he had a date?
Ray: Because of this.

Ray: All right, I'm going, okay? Thanks, Ma.
Marie: You shouldn't be jealous of your brother. Consider all the wonderful things you have.
Ray: I know.
Marie: Actually, you should be proud that you have a brother who's so classically handsome.
Ray: Robert's classically handsome? Oh, what world are we in?
Frank: Come on, Ray. Everybody knows Robert's the looker in the family.
Ray: Everybody knows this?
Ray: Robert didn't know.
Marie: Well, we didn't tell him because we didn't want him to get a big head.
Frank: We didn't wanna screw him up.
Ray: Well, that worked out well.

Debra: Let me see.
Ray: They're personal products.
Debra: Oh, my God. What is this? Hair gel? Hair mousse? Hair volumizer?
Ray: Hair volumizer. It makes my hair... louder.
Debra: What is all this stuff? Deep pore cleanser. Clarifying lotion? Do you even know what this stuff is for?
Ray: Well, that's why I got the clarifier.
Debra: Ah, they saw you coming, honey.
Ray: No they didn't, l... They're experts in there. They all had lab coats on. I thought all this stuff was for women, but they got a whole line of crap for men.
Debra: Ray, you are completely out of your mind. I say one thing about your brother and you turn into George Hamilton.

Ray: I'm glad you're here. I got a light out on the ceiling and don't have a ladder.
Robert: Sure.
Ray: Come on.
Debra: No, Robert, you stay here. I'll you help change it.
Ray: You? You're a shrimp. How many times am I gonna have to throw you up there?

Marie: Do you know that Robert is still out on his date from last night?
Frank: Hey, great. Back in the saddle? I want to turn his room into a study.
Marie: A study? What are going to study? Your feet?

Amy: [to Debra] Look at your life. You've got it all.
Ray: [enters] Honey, I think that rash is back. [to Amy] Hi, I didn't mean you.
Debra: Ray, you remember my friend Amy.
Ray: Yeah, Amy. From where you used to work, right? Yeah, Hi.
Debra: Ray, I bought this pudding for the kids.
Ray: I know, I like it. It helps me when I write.
Debra: Where did you leave the spoon?
Ray: Oh, I didn't have a spoon.
Debra: How did you eat it?
Ray: Just like an oyster. [slurps] Okay, good. [burps] Oh, there you go.
Amy: You are so lucky.

Debra: Can't you see there's chemistry happening in there?
Ray: Chemistry? Look, Robert's not ready for chemistry, okay? He could blow up now. He's still gun-shy from his divorce.
Debra: But it's been a year since his wife left him.
Ray: She didn't just leave him. She left him for a guy he arrested, okay? You don't get over that fast.

Debra: You remember that boy Ally likes, Tommy, who would never talk to her? Ally was just telling me some very exciting news.
Ray: What?
Amy: He talked to me today.
Ray: That's great, honey. What did he say?
Amy: "Stop talking to me."
Ray: Oh, that means he likes you.

Debra: Do you like her, Robert?
Robert: I felt a stirring.
Debra: That's terrific. You should. Amy's a wonderful girl. What is it that you're worried about?
Robert: All right. It's just that I've been out of the loop for a while. Well, most of the women I talk to are in handcuffs. And then, half of them turn out to be men.
Debra: Listen, you'll be fine.
Robert: Just relax. That's not possible.

Ray: No, listen, on the first date, it doesn't matter what you do on the date. It all comes down to saying good night. Are you gonna kiss her good night, or is it gonna be a handshake? You can't assume that she wants a kiss, so this is what I do. When the moment arrives, you kind of lean in a little. You've got to see if she's gonna respond to it. Don't go too far, though. Once you reach a certain point, you got to go in, you're committed. Then, if she's not expecting a kiss, you got to whisper something in her ear. "Boy, it's humid."