Pat: What do you think, Hank?
Hank: Well, we're already going to Catholic church tomorrow. I guess we can just call it a lost weekend.

Amy: Night, Mom and Dad.
Hank: Good night.
Pat: Sweet dreams, honey.
Hank: That's it for me, Mother. I've got quite a bit of flossing to do.
Pat: Good night. I'll be there just as soon as I finish this flaming skull.

Pat: Here, Ray. This looks like it's part of the snake crawling on that poor young lady's bottom.
Ray: Yeah, that fits. You've got a good eye for this.
Pat: I think we're a good team. We're like Kareem and Magic Johnson.
Ray: Kareem and Magic? You know basketball?
Pat: Only what I've learned from your column.
Ray: Really? You read my column?
Pat: Oh, yes. Ever since we became family. They have "Newsday" in the library.
Ray: You go to the library to read my column?
Pat: It's only a 20-minute drive. You're very good.
Ray: Thanks.

Debra: It's 2:00 in the morning. Where were you?
Ray: I was doin' the puzzle with the lady, you know, Pat.
Debra: Till now?
Ray: Ah, it was a good puzzle, and we got to talking, and I didn't even know how late it was. She's all right, that Pat.
Debra: Oh, I'm glad you two are warming up to each other. Maybe the next time my mother comes, I'll tell her to bring a puzzle.
Ray: Yeah. [chuckles] Your mother's not really coming, is she?
Debra: No, Ray. Relax.

Frank: Well, Hank, what did you think of our exotic Catholic rituals?
Hank: Quite impressive. And I thought your Father Hubley gave a very stirring reading of the Resurrection. Of course, that's a tough story to botch.

Robert: So, did you hear about your mom and my brother? They had a real heart-to-heart talk last night.
Peter: Oh, yeah?
Robert: Oh, yeah. Apparently, into the wee hours. They bonded over your Sacred Death puzzle.
Peter: What?! Mama!
Pat: Peter, are you all right?
Peter: No! What were you doing touching my Sacred Death puzzle?
Pat: I'm sorry, Peter. It is not supposed to be taken out of its box! It's a collector's item! Correction, it was a collector's item! How am I supposed to explain this at the convention? "I'm sorry. It's only been used by my mom!"
Robert: Raymond bit off a piece just to make it fit.
Pat: Agh! This is what happens when you touch my things! This is why you are not supposed to touch my things!

Pat: I'm sorry, honey. It was just something to bring the family together.
Robert: Well, it certainly brought her and Raymond together.
Peter: What were you two talking about?
Pat: Oh, many things. We talked about family. We talked about the idea for a book Raymond's going to write.
Peter: Ho ho ho! Well you talked to him about a book idea? You never talk to me about my comic-book ideas!
Pat: Peter, I would like to. It's just that I have a problem relating to characters who eat human flesh.
Peter: Mama, this is my art! And it's obvious you have no problem talking to Ray about his art! [goes inside]
Pat: Maybe I should give his "Zombies" another chance.

Robert: So, um, Mother MacDougall perhaps this might be a good opportunity to get to know each other a little bit better, huh?
Pat: Oh, I would like that, Robert.
Robert: So, um... what's your favorite color?
Pat: Blue.
Robert: Ah... I gotta go.

Pat: Come on, everyone. You're missing the children hunting for Easter eggs.
Marie: You stay away from my son!
Pat: Excuse me?
Robert: Can I ask you: What is wrong with me? You talk to Raymond. I'm your son-in-law! I have a title: son-in-law! He doesn't have a title, no title!

Ray: Look! Leave her alone! All of you! What's wrong with you people? We did a puzzle, and we had a nice talk. And she didn't do anything wrong, and neither did l! That's right! I am not ashamed! You know what was great about last night? This lady didn't judge me or criticize me, which is something I'm not exactly used to around here. She listened, and she was nice. And like Jesus said, "Blessed are the nice."
Peter: He never said that.
Ray: Well, that's what I'm saying! [to Pat] "Blessed are you." I don't care what anybody says, we have something special, and I look forward to many years of nice, long conversations.
Pat: I think maybe we should cool it.
Ray: What?
Pat: Everybody seems to be so upset just because we had a little talk. [murmurs of agreement]
Ray: No no no! Pat! Don't you get it? Then they win! This is what they want. They're trying to tear us apart.
Pat: Well, Ray, it was just a talk.
Ray: What do you mean, just a talk? This was special. You don't talk like that with everybody. [Pat shrugs]
Amy: She kind of does.
Ray: Oh.
Robert: Ha ha! She's nice to everyone.