Ray: Come on, Robert! You ready?
Robert: Yeah.
Ray: What are you doing? You said you were gonna change.
Robert: I decided not to.
Ray: Look, it's not my fault that Amy's not in the picture. Tell you what. Debra's not allowed in your hammock.
Robert: You're not either.
Ray: Fine. All right, leave your uniform on. Just get over there?
Robert: "Get over there" what?
Ray: Get over there now.
Robert: "Get over there..."
Ray: Please?
Robert: There you go, Raymond. You'll find that a little kindness goes a long way.

Ray: All right, Ma, it looks like it's all gonna work out.
Marie: It doesn't look that way, Raymond.
Ray: No, no, it is. It is. You smell nice. What is that? Is that a new perfume?
Marie: No, it's what I always wear. It's my Jean Nate.
Ray: I've always- I've always loved that. And I gotta say something. I've never told you this, but you know what one of my favorite things about you is...? [Ray starts pushing Marie's chair towards the family]
Marie: What are you doing?
Ray: No, Ma, please, I'm just trying to compliment you, that's all. I just- I just love the way you're just so open-minded and considerate, especially when someone's trying to do something for you.
Marie: Raymond, you are putting me into a very awkward situation.
Ray: No, I'm not. I'm putting you into your Christmas picture, which you're gonna love. Hey, everybody, look, it's Mom. If you could just, please, just try to smile.
Marie: I will, Raymond, but this is not the present I wanted.

Robert: All right, come on. Smile everybody. We don't want Raymond to throw another hissy fit.
Photographer: Good, that's right. All right. One for the mantel now.
Robert: [as Ray] "Nobody talk to me anymore!" [all laugh]
Photographer: Very good! Very good! One, two...
Ray: Robert got you a hammock.

Marie: Raymond, you know that I care for Debra's parents a great deal.
Ray: Everybody knows that.
Marie: Don't be fresh. Why are Warren and Lois here?
Ray: I don't know. I'm just as surprised as you are, Mom.
Marie: I'm not surprised, Raymond. I'm disappointed.
Ray: All right, no, don't. Don't get disappointed.
Marie: Isn't this my present? You finally got me a decent present.
Ray: It's still decent, Mom. Look, all right, just help Robert tuck his shirt in, or something.

Debra: Check out how your brother signs this card to my parents, and keep in mind he's known them for 12 years.
Robert: "Seasons' Greetings, Raymond Barone." Yeah, Mr. Warmth, huh?
Debra: Yeah.
Robert: Hey, you know what may help you? Put a little happy face in the "O."
Debra: Yeah.
Robert: People love that.

Debra: Oh, I'm really gonna miss having Christmas with them.
Robert: Oh yeah, the alternating years, huh?
Debra: Yeah.
Robert: That's a treaty that you and Ray worked out, right?
Debra: Well, I was drunk on eggnog.

Ray: One, two, three.
Robert: Hammock. You- You- You didn't say anything.
Ray: Hammock?
Robert: That's right, it's the perfect gift.
Ray: Yeah? You really see Mom fighting her way out of a hammock?
Robert: Shut up, she'll love it. It's like an outdoor couch. When Dad lies around, she doesn't have to look at him.
Debra: We should get a hammock.

Marie: Here are your Christmas cookies. I have to tell you- [to Frank] Not yet!
Frank: Will someone acknowledge the receipt of these cookies so I can have one?
Marie: Oh, Marie, those look-
Frank: Good enough.

Frank: Professional photography, one of the all-time great rackets.
Ray: All right, Dad, please.
Frank: Grab a camera, find some chumps, make 'em smile and say "rip-off!"

Lois: Hi, all!
Debra: Oh! Mom and Dad!
Warren: Feliz Navidad!
Marie: [to Raymond] What did you do?
Robert: [chuckles]