Ray: All right, listen. She's crying.
Debra: She is not.
Ray: She's got the "dry cries."

Ray: Are you gonna help me?
Debra: No! This is so typical of your mother. It's either her way or no way. This picture, where we spend the holidays, how I raise my children. Well, guess what? Not this time.
Ray: Oh, come on! You're killing me here! This is the first gift I'm getting her that even has a chance of working! Remember the toaster, huh? The aquarium? The Fruit of the frickin' Month Club! Don't you see? I thought she would like this because she told me she would! Just take the picture, and then I'll do whatever you want.
Debra: All right, we'll take the picture.
Ray: Thank you.
Debra: As long as my parents can be in it.
Ray: Ack! [mimes head exploding] Fine, okay, fine. They're in. They're in. Thank you for understanding. Now if we could just please get over there. Please, come on. Did I tell you how beautiful you look? You look beautiful. You're like a nice little peach.

Ray: Okay, Warren, vaya con Dios.
Warren: Actually, Raymond, that means "Go with God."
Ray: Well, that's good. I learned something new today, okay. Right over there, vaya con Franco.

Robert: Right, so let's hear your idea.
Ray: All right. You ready for this? 'Cause it blows your hammock to Oyster Bay. Family portrait photo.
Robert: Who wants that?
Ray: I think Ma does, okay? I think I was reading the signals loud and clear.
Robert: Yeah, and what were the signals, Ray?
Ray: She said "Raymond, I would really love a family portrait photo instead of something useless like a hammock."
Robert: She did not say that.
Ray: She will.

Debra: Um, you know, Ray, about this photo idea?
Ray: Yeah.
Debra: It's really stupid.
Ray: Why? It's perfect. It's what she wants.
Debra: Well, don't you think? Look, we're gonna have to spend, like, this whole awful afternoon with them, and then after we're done we have this permanent reminder of the whole awful afternoon with them.

Ray: What are you doing? Think that you're taking the picture dressed like that?
Robert: Ray, I had to come straight from work, okay?
Ray: You did this on purpose.
Robert: What?
Ray: Wearing that. You're trying to screw up my gift, right? Hammock?
Robert: Calm down, I've brought clothes.
Ray: Yeah, well put 'em on, and just watch yourself.

Robert: Listen, Ma, I still don't understand why Amy couldn't be in the picture.
Marie: Well, because it's a Barone family picture. Is she a Barone?
Robert: Not yet, Ma.
Marie: Well, when you make her a Barone, she'll be in the picture.
Robert: Stop pressuring me!

Ray: What's with your parents?
Debra: What are you talking about?
Ray: My- My mom's all upset. She didn't know your parents were going to be in the picture.
Debra: Well, of course they're gonna be in the picture.
Ray: You told them to come?
Debra: Well, yes, Ray. I mean you said "family photo," so family photo.
Ray: But you didn't even tell me.
Debra: Well, I assumed you knew that my parents were part of the family.
Ray: Okay, yes, I knew. But but you had to know that my mom would go all "Dog Day Afternoon" on us if your parents are in her picture!

Debra: Can we just take the picture?
Ray: Look, you better go tell your parents that this is not cool.
Debra: I certainly will not. Why don't you tell your mother she better accept the fact that she does get to decide who is in and out of this family.
Ray: Just talk to your mother.
Debra: You talk to your mother.

Ray: Hey, Ma, how you doin'?
Marie: Did you talk to Debra?
Ray: Yes, I did, we had a great talk. Now here's the thing-
Marie: Raymond. No, just listen, Mom. It's Christmas. You know, you, you love Christmas. Remember that Christmas movie, "A Christmas Carol"? Remember the little crippled boy, and he said, he said "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night." So he wants us "all" to have a "good"... Okay, how about this? We put her parents at the edge of the picture and later you can cut them out.
Marie: It's all right, Raymond. I'm not feeling very well. Why don't you all take the picture without me?
Ray: Mom, I did this for you, Mom. I did it for you.
Marie: I thought so too.