Everybody Loves Raymond - Ray Quote #1443
Debra: That's why I want to go to counseling. I don't think it's that you're just lazy. I think there's a deeper reason behind this, and if we could just figure it out, you and I could be happier.
Ray: Come on, you know me. There's not much deepness. I just... I like to be taken care of.
Debra: You gotta understand, Ray, that that's not a wife. That's a mother.
Ray: Well, maybe that's what I want!
Frank: Holy crap!
Features in the collection: Frank Barone: Holy Crap!.
Marie: So that's how you both fell? A race around the house, which you often do as a tradition?
Ray: Uh, yeah.
Frank: Stupid, humped-up termite trap!
[Frank falls through the stairs]
Marie: Oh, my God! Frank, are you all right?
Frank: [o.s.] Holy crap!
Marie: Don't move, I'm coming right down!
Frank: [o.s.] I'm in enough pain!
Robert: I'm telling you, the ground, it shook.
Frank: Why didn't you run?
Robert: I did run, Dad. I don't know if you've ever been in this situation before, but the first thing that comes to mind is run! So I'm running and running, and he's getting closer and closer, and then his horn gets me and my feet are off the ground, like I'm flying. Incredibly painful flying. Then he tosses me aside like a sock, and I'm on the pavement, and he gives me a couple of snorts and lumbers up the ramp and into his trailer.
Debra: Unbelievable! You were gored!
Frank: By a freakin' bull! Holy crap!
Debra: Tell your father we're doing this the right way.
Frank: Hey, me not having to pay anything is the right way. Oh, holy crap! Look at this scratch!
Debra: Okay, see, here's the thing: When a person drives their car into someone's home, I think that person should be sympathetic and apologetic and try to help the person whose home has been demolished try to make it better!
Frank: Hey, I'm trying, but you won't listen.
Debra: I won't listen?!
Marie: I must say, Debra, that tone doesn't help the situation.
Debra: My tone?! My tone! You just drove a car into my house!
Quote from Frank
Marie: Come on, stop it, you two.
Frank: I gotta say, the counseling doesn't seem to be working.
Marie: Now, I want you to sit down and let's try to talk this out.
Debra: Marie, I am not sitting down.
Marie: Please, Debra. I may not be a certified therapist, but I've been told by many people that I could be.
Frank: That's not what they mean when they say you're certifiable.
Quote from Ray
Ray: But I gotta tell you, it's more than just the golf. Debra is like a saint. You can't believe the things she has to put up with. Once, I actually taped a football game over our wedding video.
Debra: Pamela, can I just-
Pamela: Hold on, hold on. Let's let Ray get this out.
Ray: Well, it's probably the worst thing a husband can do, right? All I could think of to fix it was to arrange to have our wedding vows renewed.
Pamela: Aw, that's nice.
Ray: I guess. Actually, I think the whole thing ended with us making love.
Quote from Debra
Frank: I can't believe you two went to a shrink. He's the one with the problems.
Robert: Let's keep this on Raymond, shall we? Personally, Deb, I think it's about time that a neutral party be brought in to set him straight on just how great he's got it.
Debra: Well, that's not what happened, because the Raymond we all know disappeared as soon as we got there.
Ray: What- What? What are you talking about?
Debra: Oh, you were open and considerate and willing to look at your own faults. You made me sick!
Quote from The Ingrate
Debra: You have to admit, you're not the most professorial kind of guy.
Ray: I can be exceedingly professorial.
Debra: No, I know. I was just remembering that time you read the word "stohma-cha-chuh."
Ray: What's your point?
Debra: You read "stohma-cha-chuh." And the word really is...
Debra: I am just teasing you.
Ray: Yeah, right.
Debra: No, come on. Kiss me again. For once, I don't have a "head-ah-cha-chuh."
Quote from The Plan
Robert: What do you want me to say? I need to do the wedding invitations. Amy wants me to do it, so I'm doing it. Come on, help me.
Ray: All right. Here's what you do: You- You write a version of the invitation, but you do a horrible job. Okay? She'll see it, do it herself, and never ask you to do anything else with this wedding. You're welcome.
Robert: But it's terrible, Raymond. I'm not gonna intentionally screw it up just to get out of the work.
Frank: Hey, dummy, listen to your stupid brother.
Ray: Look, look. When we got engaged, Debra put me in charge of the music. Okay. So I found a DJ. She wanted a band. So I found a band. She didn't like the band, so I found another band. Nope! The truth is, she wanted to do it, but she just got it in her head that I should be part of this whole wedding experience. So you know what I did? I sent over this guy who sang and played the accordion. He had a keyboard with violins and trumpets and drum noises. His name was "Zippers, the One-Man Wedding Band." Next thing you know, she tells me, "Never mind, she'll take care of the music." I sat down, turned on the TV and never looked back.
Frank: That's a beautiful story.
Quote from A Vote for Debra
Ray: You know, you're not supposed to ask people who they vote for. That's why we folded our votes and put it in the shoebox with tape around it, and they locked it up in the school cafe-gym-a-torium as our forefathers did.