[Ray wakes up in the middle of the night after hearing noises in his kitchen. After he cautiously walks through the living room and turns the kitchen light on, he finds Marie chowing down on a turkey leg]
Marie: Where am I?
Ray: Ma?
Marie: I had the strangest dream.
Ray: Oh, come on, Ma.
Marie: All right, I was hungry. [eats] I'd offer you some, but I don't want to.

Frank: What the hell is that?
Marie: It's milk for your coffee.
Frank: That's not my milk.
Marie: That's regular milk.
Frank: Not in a blue carton, it's not. Give me that. Skim!
Marie: It's better for you.
Frank: Don't give me better. Look, it's not even mixing. The coffee doesn't even recognize it.
Marie: If you don't drink that, I'm gonna...
Frank: What? What are you gonna do? Leave me?

Marie: Actually I think it's very tasty. You just have to make an adjustment, right, Debra? [Debra takes a bite]
Ray: Kind of starts out with an aftertaste, doesn't it?

Debra: It has an authentic turkey flavor. And the good thing is you don't fall asleep after this meal.
Frank: That's all I had left.
Ally: It's Jell-o!
Debra: Shh, don't do that. [doorbell rings]
Frank: I'll get it.
Marie: Who could that be?
Frank: Hopefully the angel of death.

Ray: Listen. You're important too, you know? The special diet, living longer, whatever. That's important to me.
Marie: You're sweet, dear.
Ray: No, look, you should do something for you. And if this is what makes you happy, then you should do it and I back you up.
Marie: Oh, Raymond! [kisses Ray]
Ray: All right, all right, now you back up a little. All right.

Debra: Well, Ray, you're gonna get your wish.
Ray: Yeah? Should I shower?
Debra: Not that wish.
Ray: Oh, come on.
Debra: You get to eat Thanksgiving at your mom's this year.
Ray: Yes! Ah! That's almost as good as my other wish, except I unbuckle my pants at the end.
Debra: That's always a good show.

Ray: Uh, listen, Romeo and Juliet, I'm gonna borrow a garbage bag.
Frank: What do you mean borrow? You're gonna give it back?
Ray: All right, I'm stealing a garbage bag.

Debra: And look, you never have to use butter. They have olive oil in a spray now. Smell, smell this.
Marie: Ooh, nice.
Debra: Mm-hmm. You put a little of that behind your ears, Frank will be all over you.
Marie: You think?
Debra: Mm-hmm.
[Marie rubs off the olive oil she sprayed on her hand]

Ray: Hey, Pinky. Hey, Debra.
Marie: Raymond, Debra's teaching me so much about cooking.
Ray: You're learning cooking from Debra? Yeah, okay. So heaven is here, hell is here. It's raining monkeys and wood is now a drink.

Marie: Oh, I wish I had started this years ago. I feel so snappy and peppy.
Frank: Ma, I thought you were doing this just to annoy Dad. That's a bonus.
Debra: Oh, Marie, come here, look, here's that section: How to Enjoy a Low-Fat Thanksgiving.
Marie: Oh-ooh, a Thanksgiving! Yes. Oh, I can't wait to make some of these things.
Ray: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! You're not gonna do this for Thanksgiving.
Debra: Especially Thanksgiving.
Ray: You're still gonna make the real food for us though, right?
Marie: I guess I could.
Debra: No, no, Ray, your mother's not gonna cook two separate meals.
Ray: Why not? Huh? She loves to cook, Debra. Who are you to take that away from her?