Ray: What happened? Why did they back out?
Debra: Oh, they're gonna be out of the country.
Ray: What?! Who leaves America on Thanksgiving? That's- That's pretty unthankful.
Debra: They like to travel and see the world, you know? Unlike your parents, who don't go any further than here.

Marie: We had our cholesterol checked and the both of us are very close to the danger zone.
Frank: Mine was lower than hers.
Marie: One point lower.
Frank: I'm still gonna live longer than you.
Marie: What, 30 seconds?
Frank: 30 seconds in paradise!

Debra: What's going on here?
Ray: We're being supportive.
Debra: What about your diet, Marie?
Marie: What's the point of living longer if you're miserable, dear?
Debra: Yeah, I think that every day.

Frank: Until then I'm eating what I want and I want real eggs and real milk.
Marie: Then you better go to IHOP, because from now on we're eating healthy in this house. Give me that. [grabs garbage bag]
Frank: What are you doing?
Marie: Sour cream.
Frank: No!
Marie: Bacon, cheese.
Frank: No! What, are you gonna rip my heart out?
Marie: Lasagna!
Ray: Hey, I could have that one.
Marie: Butter. A-ha, chocolate cake! And cannoli. All right, there. That's it.
Frank: [grabs the bag] Here, thank you.
Marie: Where are you going?
Frank: On a picnic. Out with the old bag, in with the new!

Marie: Want some eggs?
Frank: Don't listen to her. It's not eggs. It's that fake egg crap.
Marie: It tastes exactly the same.
Frank: Yes, exactly like crap.

Ray: Why are you making fake eggs?
Marie: Your father and I went to the Senior Health Fair yesterday.
Ray: Senior Health Fair? What are the rides there? The complain-a-go-round? Tunnel of gas?

Marie: Frank, the young man at the Health Fair said--
Frank: That stupid Health Fair. I go in there looking for a chocolate cone at the drugstore, next thing I know I'm getting my blood pressure taken.
Marie: My blood pressure was better than yours.
Frank: But I won the eyesight thing.
Ray: So did you have the cholesterol checked to break the tie?
Frank: Yeah and I won.
Marie: We're waiting for the urine test. I could still tie if your father has high blood sugar.

Marie: Look at this. Mm-hmm. A tofu turkey?
Debra: Yeah. It looks good, huh?
Ray: I would rather eat that page.
Marie: Oh, it says here you need a special mold to shape the tofu into a turkey.
Ray: No, you don't need a mold, Ma, okay? God does that, yeah. He takes a whole bunch of bird meat and he molds it into a turkey.
Debra: Come on, Ray.
Ray: I'm quoting the Bible here, Debra, okay?

Ray: Mom, what about your diet? Come on, I was supporting you.
Marie: You said I should do whatever it was that makes me happy
Ray: Yes I did, but--
Marie: But you know what makes me happy? Butter. Butter makes me happy. Hmm. Oh, mmm! This is good for restaurant food.
Ray: What about your cholesterol? The danger zone?
Marie: I'm close to the danger zone. When I'll get into the danger zone, I'll worry about it. Besides, it's Thanksgiving.

Ray: Where are they going?
Debra: They're going to... overseas.
Ray: What? What was that?
Debra: Nothing, they're going overseas.
Ray: Tell me where.
Debra: It's not important, okay? And you don't have to make fun of my family all the time.
Ray: I won't make fun of them.
Debra: Yes you will.
Ray: No I won't. Tell me where they're going for Thanksgiving.
Debra: Turkey.