Marie: There was no hotel. Which means that wasn't the trick you were playing on us. So then what was it?
Ray: There was- No, nothing.
Marie: The washing machine? Having Frank fix something that wasn't broken?
Ray: Yes, that's it! Ha ha! Gotcha!
Frank: Why, you lousy big-nosed bastard!

Marie: Where's the trick in that? And why do you include Michael and Geoffrey? Hmm.
Robert: [to Amy] She's picking up a scent. Watch this.
Marie: Why did you rush the kids upstairs? The VCR. The- The kids didn't break the VCR. But why would you lie about it being broken?
Robert: This is great. I'm usually behind one-way glass during this part.
Marie: Because there was no tape for Frank to watch... Which means you did watch the football the night before... Because you didn't have a headache. You lied to me. You both did.
Debra: Oh, Marie, how can you think that? You are way off, right, Ray?
Ray: How did you do that?
Marie: I can put things together. You think I was born yesterday?
Frank: Anyone?

Ray: I feel a little bad.
Debra: Why? You know what? We're pretty good at this.
Ray: I know. Maybe a little too good.
Debra: Hey, we wouldn't have to be if it wasn't for your mother. We're living in a predatory environment. We have to camouflage.

Marie: Robbie, I made the cacciatore for Raymond 'cause I had planned a very special evening. There are very important things we had to discuss.
Ray: Important things to discuss? You told me you wanted to watch a sports show with me.
Marie: Which we would then discuss.
Frank: Bull crap!
Marie: Frank!
Frank: She had notes prepared. They were topics for her evening with Raymond. They were all complaints. I was one of the categories. Debra was the rest of the categories.
Ray: You had notes?
Robert: I wasn't even a category.

Ray: No wonder she's so good at finding out we're lying. It takes one to know one.
Marie: I do not lie.
Ray: No? If we were to go over your house right now, we wouldn't find any notes?
Marie: Absolutely not! And I would like to say I can't believe that you're all ganging up on an elderly woman who hasn't been feeling very well lately. I need to lie down.
Ray: Ah, you wouldn't, uh... You wouldn't be going to destroy those notes, would you?
Marie: Please. [runs out]
Debra: Wow. For a sick old lady, she can really move.

Marie: Go ahead, Frank. Tell them about the washing machine.
Frank: Well, it seemed to be working fine.
Ray: Oh, okay. Well, good, good.
Frank: So I took it apart. You know what your problem is? This part won't go back in.
Ray: Beautiful.
Marie: Don't worry. I called a real repairman. He'll be here tomorrow between 10:00 and 2:00.
Frank: Well, good luck to him. I couldn't fix it, and I'm the smartest guy I know.

Ray: I just didn't want to hurt her feelings about last night, so... I did like that whole sex-in-the-hotel part.
Debra: I did too. When you came up with part of the story, then I came up with part, then you, then me. We had a great little rhythm. It's like our own little sex-capade.
Ray: That's my favorite kind of capade.
Debra: You want to go up?
Ray: Mm. Wow! This'll be twice in one night if you count the lie.

Marie: You're eating candy? Where did you get these?
Frank: They were sticking out of Ray's pants here.
Marie: This is your pants that you wore last night. Mike & lkes? That's a very big box, the kind you get at the movies. But Debra, you said you didn't go to the movies.
Debra: Right. We got those at the hotel.
Ray: Yeah, out of the minibar.
Marie: What is the name of the hotel? No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait. Why don't you whisper the name to me? And then we'll see what Debra says. If it's something else. Come over here. Come here. Go ahead.
[Marie takes Ray over to the side of the room and he leans in to whisper in her ear]
Ray: [loudly] Ramada.

Amy: Marie, we didn't really like the chicken cacciatore you made for us, so we ordered Chinese instead.
Robert: Amy!
Amy: When she came over this morning, I think she noticed the takeout containers. It was just a matter of time!

Frank: Hey, Ray. Wait. Put the tape with the game on for me.
Ray: What?
Frank: Yeah, I want to see the taco ladies again. [chuckles] Put it on.
Debra: You know what? The VCR is busted. Twins had a friend over today, and he jammed a toy in it.
Ray: Yeah, that kid Justin. He's a psycho. Sorry, Dad.
Frank: [to the twins] Hey, kids! Stop stop! What's with your friend Justin? I don't like troublemakers.
Debra: Okay, boys, let's go get ready for bed. Let's go. Right now.
Frank: Tell him to keep his grubby paws off of anything Grandpa uses.
Geoffrey: What?