Ray: Hey, listen up for a second. One thing before we go: Your mommy and l, we told Grandpa that Justin broke the VCR, okay?
Geoffrey: Why would you say that?
Ray: Actually, your mother said it.
Debra: Ray!
Ray: Please, just do this.
Debra: Look, we're just playing a little trick on Grandma and Grandpa.
Ray: Yeah. A little trick. So don't say anything about the trick, because that would ruin it.
Debra: And all the fun would be gone.
Ray: Yeah, and you'd be punished.
Debra: Ray!
Ray: Okay. Look, maybe there might be some movie candy in it for you if you keep it a secret, okay? You like Mike & lkes?

Debra: Okay. Bye, Frank.
Ray: Sorry about the VCR.
Frank: I'll take a look at it, see if I can do something.
Ray: Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute. Before you do that, why don't you check out the washing machine? The stupid thing is acting up again.
Frank: I'll see what I can do. Stinkin' piece of Japanese crap.

Robert: Hello, Raymond.
Ray: What's with you?
Robert: Well, I swung by after work to thank Ma. She dropped off a batch of her chicken cacciatore today. You love Ma's chicken cacciatore, don't you, Raymond?
Ray: Yeah, that's right, I do.
Robert: Well, here. I saved you a little. [breathes on Ray's face]
Ray: Oh, Ma, you made it with the sweet peppers I like!
Robert: And it was just for me and Amy. Oh, and you know, I'm glad I came by because Geoffrey told me the funniest thing. He told me you two were playing some kind of trick on Grandma and Grandpa. And I couldn't get anything else out of him, but I have to tell you, it did pique my interest. So, uh, what's up, tricksters?

Frank: What the hell is going on here? You playing a trick on me?
Ray: No, no, it's nothing. The trick was that, uh...
Debra: We didn't go to dinner and a movie tonight.
Marie: I don't understand. Why would you play a trick on where you went?
Ray: Because we actually went to a hotel. You know, with the kids, we never have time to ourselves.
Debra: So we decided to make it a special night...
Ray: Of passion.
Debra: Yes. We ordered room service and massages and rekindled our love.
Ray: And we didn't want to say anything, 'cause it's a little embarrassing.
Debra: But the truth is out.
Ray: About our sex.
Marie: Well, how nice for you.
Frank: Don't get any ideas, Marie.
Robert: Anyone else want to get the hell outta here?

Ray: Okay, thanks for babysitting.
Marie: Okay.
Ray: Sorry about the trick.
Frank: I go to hotels to get away from my wife.

Debra: What's going on?
Marie: I'm doing laundry for you at my house. It was piling up so high, I started to worry it might fall on the children.
Debra: No, no, no, no, that's okay. We had the washing machine fixed today.
Marie: No, you didn't.
Ray: [enters] Hey.
Debra: What's going on? Why isn't the washing machine fixed?
Ray: Oh, yeah. Yeah, here's the thing: The guy called back. He had to reschedule for tomorrow, but you'll be here, right, from 10:00 to 2:00?
Debra: So the repair guy called back to reschedule... for when you're not here, and you went golfing.
Ray: I believe that was the order of things, yes.

Frank: Let's go, Marie. I'm staring at the business end of a pair of Ray's skivvies.

Robert: Hey, Ma. Brought back your cacciatore pan, licked clean.
Amy: So Robert told me about your special evening last night. So which hotel did you guys go to?
Ray: Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, no. That, uh...
Debra: Actually, Amy, it wasn't a great hotel.
Ray: Yeah, you wouldn't like it.
Debra: We didn't spend that much money because Ray's so, you know, cheap.
Ray: Well, uh... Wait a minute. I thought that's how you liked it, cheap and trashy. Yeah. You know, it was too trashy for me, but Debra said, "Come on, Ray, the trashier, the better." And I'm, like, "What?" And she's, like, "Mm yeah, trashy!"
Debra: Yeah, I guess it was so trashy that that's why Ray really couldn't... you know.
Ray: Oh, I could. Believe me, I could. It's just that the mood was ruined because Debra wanted to- to- to buy drugs.

Debra: I know you're lying about the repairman!
Ray: Yeah, that's right. I canceled it myself! And you want to know why? Because I called Dr. Dwight's office, and surprise, surprise! You didn't have an appointment. You were lying like a rug!
Debra: Ray, Dr. Dwight is not my doctor anymore. I switched last year. You called the wrong place.
Amy: We should go, Robert.
Debra: No, no, no. Everything's fine. Stay.
Frank: So, Deb, you're kind of like a naughty party girl, huh?
Debra: No, Frank.
Ray: Hey, what's the name of this new doctor?
Debra: Ray, would you stop it? Enough!
Ray: No, no. Come on, the name. Give me the name right now, the name!
Debra: Flowers. Dr. Flowers.
Ray: Oh! Nice try. Dr. Flowers, huh? Yeah, sure. You sure it's not Dr. Cabinet? Huh? Or Dr. Scrubby Brush? Ha ha, yeah! There's a new sheriff in town, and he just shot your doctor.

Robert: Listen, Ma. About your chicken cacciatore Amy was the one who threw it out.
Amy: Robert!
Marie: You threw out my food?! Food I specially made for you?
Frank: Wait a minute. You didn't make that food for Robert. You made that cacciatore for Ray, for your special night together.
Robert: Ma? Is that true?
Marie: No, I made two.
Robert: Tell me the truth. Did we only get it because Raymond didn't show up?
Marie: Give me a minute.