Ray: You really gotta leave him back? I mean, what about that other kid I saw, the one licking the blackboard?
Debra: Ray, it's not a competition. You know, my biggest concern is splitting up the boys, because they're so close.
Sarah: Well, I thought of that. If it comes down to it, they could both stay in pre-K one more term. Again, they're on the younger side and moving forward at this age isn't crucial.
Debra: I don't know. Maybe that would be best? What do you think?
Ray: Is the boardlicker moving up?

Michael: I don't want to.
Ray: Well, sure you do. This is gonna help you get a good job some day. Come on, and let me tell you something, all the millionaires know how to cut paper.

Debra: It's okay. I think it's better if he doesn't associate cutting paper with you foaming at the mouth. Why don't you just help him with his comedy routine?
Ray: Yeah, great, great, great. That's a future. Hey, funny boys! Put on these chicken heads and hand out these coupons. Don't worry, Michael. We cut 'em out for you already.

Ray: Deb? Deb?
Debra: Ow! Hey!
Ray: What's up?
Debra: What are you doing?
Ray: Am I stupid?
Debra: If this is your new way of asking for sex, then yes.

Ray: Come on, don't you see? That's what I passed on to Michael. That's my legacy, the dumbness.
Debra: No, no, no. You've passed on other things. Your lack of tushy.
Ray: Ha ha, yeah, very funny. You have a stupid kid. You don't even care.
Debra: He is not stupid!
Ray: Then why isn't he the same as Geoffrey? Can't even get good twins anymore.
Debra: Why don't you think of it this way, okay? Michael is the way the twins should be and Geoffrey's exceptional.
Ray: Geoffrey's your favorite.
Debra: You're kidding now.
Ray: Admit it. You've always liked Geoffrey better and that's why Michael's goofy.
Debra: Good night. Maybe if you were around a little more, Michael could cut paper.
Ray: Aha! I knew it was right there under the surface. Right, so I should go to work and raise the kids, right? It should be all me, yeah. And what do you do all day... I'm sorry.

Ray: Look, I just I want the kids to be just like everybody else.
Debra: They are.
Ray: No. No, they should move up and go to kindergarten and be with their friends and keep up with the boardlickers. And how about this? What if one day Geoffrey finds out that he's the smarter one? He'll never let Michael live it down. He'll gloat. Just like Robert's gonna do to me now. He's gonna gloat. He's gonna gloat all over me.
Debra: Ray, it's preschool, and if they have to stay behind, it'll be because that's what's best for them, right? Isn't the most important thing that they're healthy and happy?
Ray: You don't care about either one of them, do you?

Ray: Hey, Mike. Come here. You like your school?
Michael: Yeah.
Ray: Yeah. You like Sarah your teacher?
Michael: Yeah.
Ray: Yeah, me too. How would you like to stay in her class next year?
Michael: Okay.
Ray: Yeah? Good, okay. I'll tell you what. If you want to, you can, okay?
Michael: Okay.
Ray: Good. Good.
Michael: Do I have to cut paper now?
Ray: No. No. No. Unless you want to?
Michael: No. Look, I have pants like Daddy.
Ray: Hmm. Yeah, how about that? Just like Daddy. Come here. [hugs Michael]

Sarah: And now for a very special treat, the comedy team of Michael and Geoffrey Barone!
Geoffrey: Hello, Michael. I just flew in from Cleveland.
Michael: And your arms are very tired. You know, I've been swimming since I was three.
Geoffrey: And your arms are very tired. If you're American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?
Michael: "Yer a'peein'."
Frank: [to Marie] That one was mine.

Sarah: You know, boys are just a little slower to develop than girls.
Debra: But Geoffrey's developing on schedule.
Ray: Oh boy, my father's gonna love that.
Debra: What? [off Ray's look] Shut up.
Sarah: Excuse me?
Ray: Nothing. My father thinks that Geoffrey has... homosexual tendencies. Don't worry about what he thinks. He's still not sure about me. [chuckles; puts arm around Debra]

Marie: What's the matter, dear?
Robert: Michael might get left back in preschool.
Frank: What?
Marie: Oh, interesting.
Ray: What? What's so interesting?
Frank: What, is he stupid?
Debra: Nobody's stupid, Frank. Michael's a little young for the class. And besides, girls mature faster than boys.
Frank: Oh, so I guess Geoffrey's fine then.