Trending ‘Derry Girls’ Quotes

Quote from Granda Joe in Episode Four

Mary: Shay said when you left Duggan's, you turned up Pump Street.
Sarah: Pump Street? Who do you know on Pump Street, Da?
Mary: What were you doing heading up Pump Street with a cream horn, Da?
Joe: I was visiting a friend of mine.
Mary: What friend?
Joe: A new friend.
Mary: A male friend, was it? [Joe is silent] Aye, I thought as much. Buying cream horns for his fancy woman, Sarah, what do you think of that?
Joe: We met at the Stations of the Cross.
Erin: Which station?
Joe: Jesus falls for the second time.
Sarah: I could do without the details, Da.


Quote from Erin in Episode One

Orla: [v.o.] "My name is Erin Quinn. I'm 16 years old, and I come from a place called Derry, or Londonderry, depending on your persuasion, a troubled little corner in the Northwest of Ireland. It's fair to say I have a somewhat complicated relationship with my home town. You see, the thing about living in Derry is, there's nowhere to hide. Everybody knows everybody, knows everything about everybody, and sometimes all I really want... is to be simply left alone."
Erin: Is that my diary?

Quote from Erin in Episode Four

Katya: And when Erin finished reading me her poetry, she showed me some old walls.
Erin: I showed you the walls. I showed you the city walls. And they are nothing short of spectacular.
Sarah: Ach, if she's not into walls, she's not into walls, Erin, love.

Quote from Michelle in The Concert

James: What's in the suitcase, Michelle?
Michelle: Vodka.
Erin: You've brought an entire suitcase full of vodka?
Michelle: No. There's some mixers as well. I'm not a savage. You can mix vodka with cider, right?

Quote from Michelle in Episode One

Michelle: Motherfuckers! "Motherfucker" is my new thing. Watched this film last night. My dad got it off Pyro Pauline, and it's about these two lads, and they wear these cracking suits and they rock about, just shooting people and eating cheeseburgers, and they're all, "Motherfucker this, motherfucker that." It's got your man in it. What do you call him? The disco dancer from Look Who's Talking.

Quote from Granda Joe in Episode Three

Gerry: Jesus, the pets are getting it left, right and centre at the minute. Maureen Malarkey's Tigger just passed away.
Joe: We do not utter that woman's name in this house.
Mary: Da, not the bingo thing, still!
Joe: She's a cheating old bitch!
Erin: How can you cheat at bingo, Granda?
Joe: Her nephew brought her this pen back from New Jersey. It changes the numbers. I'm telling ya, it's witchcraft, Mary!
Mary: I'll hear no more about the magic pen!

Quote from Michelle in Across the Barricade

Michelle: Cock-a-doodle-doo.
James: Hi.
Michelle: Bet that's what he said when he was nabbed.
Erin: When who got nabbed?
Michelle: Have yous not heard? You know your man? Floppy hair, English, he's all, "Fuck-a-doodle this, fuck-a-doodle that". He's flat out going to weddings with his mates, until one of them, the fat, beardy one in the skirt, until he croaks it and they're all, "We need to show this man a bit of respect here, "let's stop all the clocks." He goes with your woman. Do you know her? She's a total ride, but she paperclips her frocks together. Well, he was caught getting down and dirty with some hooker in the back of his BMW. Dark horse or what?
Mary: Good Morning, Michelle.
Michelle: I am buzzing for this weekend. Them waterproof trousers do wonders for my hole.
James: Mine are pink. They're bright pink.
Michelle: They were two for one, James, stop crying.

Quote from Aunt Sarah in Episode One

Mary: Erin, what in God's name?
Gerry: Did you kill that wee nun, girls?
Erin: Course we didn't.
Sarah: Then why were you pissing on her dead body and making sandwiches?
Joe: Say nothing, girls. Say nothing till we've seen a lawyer.

Quote from Granda Joe in Episode Four

Mary: I cannot believe this.
Gerry: I think it's a good thing, love.
Joe: Oh, just keep out of it, you!
Mary: And that's who you were winking at in mass?
Sarah: Winking? At your age? Christ, I feel sick.
Joe: It was only a friendly wink.
Mary: There is no such thing as a friendly wink!
Gerry: Is there not?
Mary: Our poor mother is barely cold... and you're straight back out there, winking away.
Gerry: Your mother's been dead ten years, Mary.
Joe: Look, I'll not tell you again!
Mary: I'm sorry. I seem to have lost my appetite. [exits]
Joe: [to Gerry] Are you happy now?!

Quote from Michelle in Ms De Brún and the Child of Prague

Ms. De Brún: Here's a poem about a dog. Here's another one about a dog. This one has no name on it. An English Rose Among Thorns? [James raises his hand] Yeah, I can see why you might want to remain anonymous, all right. Dog poem. Poem about a tree. This one's called Boys. "I think boys are really class. Especially the ones who have a nice ass."
Michelle: It's called a haiku.
Ms. De Brún: That's not what I would call it.

Quote from Clare in The Curse

Michelle: You're such a wreck-a-buzz, Clare.
Clare: Look, Michelle, drugs are illegal, drugs are addictive, but perhaps most importantly, in this country you can lose your kneecaps if you're caught doing them. And I like my kneecaps, Michelle. They suit my knees.
Orla: You do have cracking kneecaps, Clare.
James: Is that true?
Erin: Sort of.