Cliff: You know, she's exactly like a girl I took out last night.
Carla: You mean "tore out."

Sam: No wonder I didn't get anywhere. She's a friend of Lilith and Frasier's. She's another one of those boring, cold-hearted intellectuals with legs I could kill for.
Woody: Why, Sam? I like your legs. If you comb your hair a little different, no one will even notice that ear problem.

Sam: Hello, Lilith. Hello, Frasier.
Frasier: Hello, Sam.
Sam: I'd love to stay and talk but I'm under a gag order.
Dr. Sheila Rydell: I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were a friend of the Cranes. I'm Sheila Rydell.
Sam: Oh, how do you do?
Frasier: Dr. Rydell is a clinical psychiatrist and also a fellow at the Boston University.
Sam: Oh, well, thank God she's a woman here at Cheers.

Dr. Sheila Rydell: Doctors, excuse me a moment. I need to call a patient.
Frasier: Oh, yes, there's a phone right down the hall.
Dr. Sheila Rydell: This will probably take a few minutes so I'll meet you upstairs shortly.
Frasier: Fine.
Sam: Well, doctor, I have a free phone right here.
Dr. Sheila Rydell: I'm looking for a little more privacy.
Sam: I have a phone in my bedroom.
Dr. Sheila Rydell: Thank you, no.

Dr. Sheila Rydell: Of course, this isn't my field of expertise, but you're in luck. My associate, Dr. Heimlich Mueller is conducting a group session at this very moment. I'm sure he'd agree to let you join in.
Sam: Oh, actually I was kind of hoping that you could handle it.
Dr. Sheila Rydell: Oh, don't feel uneasy about Dr. Mueller. Those charges linking him to the Gestapo were grossly exaggerated.
Sam: Excuse me?
Dr. Sheila Rydell: He was merely a consultant. Actually, his technique is somewhat controversial. You'll have to go in there and proclaim your sexual disorder to the group.
Sam: You want me to say that in front of other people?
Dr. Sheila Rydell: Oh, there are only a half dozen men in there just like yourself, and of course the 20 or 30 observing nurses. Just go in there, stand up and say "l'm Sam Malone, and I no longer function as a man."
Sam: No! No, no! Wait, wait, wait. Oh, no, no, I'm... Listen, there's been a misunderstanding here. I didn't say "impotent," I said "impudent." Yeah, I'm a smart ass. See? There's nothing wrong with me, no, ma'am.
Dr. Sheila Rydell: Then the cure worked. That'll be $150. Pay the receptionist on your way out.
Sam: Oh. You- You've been you've been putting me on.
Dr. Sheila Rydell: And that was very unfair of me considering how honest you were being.

Sam: All right, I admit that I was making up that stuff just because, well, you're a beautiful woman and I just wanted to see a little more of you, that's all.
Dr. Sheila Rydell: I see. Well, actually, that's kind of flattering. Not very many men would come in here and humiliate themselves and tell some childish, idiotic lie just to spend five minutes with me.
Sam: I'm a romantic. So what do you say, you want to go out to dinner?
Dr. Sheila Rydell: I suppose I could use a bit more romance in my life.
Sam: All right, great. I'll call you, next week sometime.
Dr. Sheila Rydell: How about tomorrow night?
Sam: Great. That's good, that's good. All right. Yeah, thanks very much. Ha. [tape rewinds] Um, excuse me. See, I... You didn't have that tape recorder on, did you, when I was making up that stuff about imp...
Dr. Sheila Rydell: Don't worry, Sam. The moment you walked in here I was aware you were faking the whole thing and I turned the recorder off.
Sam: Oh, good. Well, thank goodness. [Sam opens the door to laughter] And I turned the intercom on.

Dr. Sheila Rydell: Sam, I had a really lovely time with you tonight.
Sam: Well, you sound a little surprised.
Dr. Sheila Rydell: Well, I am a little. I guess a lot of the men I go out with tend to be a little stuffy. But you're so relaxed and easy to be with. And I must admit, I've never seen a man do a puppet show with lobster claws before.
Sam: Well, you were a lovely audience.

Sam: So come on, tell me.
Dr. Sheila Rydell: Really, Sam, no.
Sam: Hey, come on, I can take it. It'll be fun.
Dr. Sheila Rydell: Sam, would you just please drop the subject?
Sam: Okay. Boy, you brain benders are all the same, aren't you? I mean, you want two years of a guy's life and every penny he earns before you give him one little simple diagnosis. You know, I think you're full of blabber. I don't think you know anything about me.

Dr. Sheila Rydell: Oh, Sam, come on. Why don't we just forget the whole thing and go back to my place?
Sam: What? You still want to go to bed, even though sex is supposedly the only thing I have in my life?
Dr. Sheila Rydell: Exactly. And so I assume you're rather good at it.
Sam: You would actually have sex with somebody you don't even respect?
Dr. Sheila Rydell: Isn't that what you do with women?
Sam: Yeah, but I cover it up. I mean, how long have you lived in America, lady?
Dr. Sheila Rydell: Oh, Sam, come on.
Sam: No, listen, I think you ought to take a hike. I'll tell you what, send me a bill for another hundred and a half, I'll deduct the lobster.
Dr. Sheila Rydell: Well, I'm sorry if this was painful, but maybe it was good for you to have heard it. By the way, if you change your mind about the sex, I can be beeped anytime.
Sam: That's so pathetic!

Sam: Hey, let me ask you something. Do you think that my life is empty and void of any meaning?
Rebecca: Yep. Don't forget to lock up.
Sam: Oh, b-
Rebecca: Tough night on the dating circuit, Sam?
Sam: Oh. Do you believe my- My date told me that there was nothing in my life except women or sex. By the way, you look hot tonight.
Rebecca: Come on, Sam, you have a lot going for you.
Sam: Yeah? Like what?
Rebecca: There's... Ooh, I could go on and on. See you later, Sam.