Lilith: Stop it! Just stop it! I came by to tell you that your behavior has been unconscionably rude. You let your friends overrun my home, and then when you leave, you don't even have the decency to take them with you. That's all I have to say. Good night.
Norm: Wait, wait, Lilith, Lilith, wait a minute. Now, look, you're absolutely right, and I'm sorry. [sighs] Well, you're up already. You know, why don't you just relax and have a drink? Well, come on. You- You took care of me for two days. The least I can do is buy you a drink. Come on, come on. Look, you can sit on my stool. Huh? Yeah. Woods, scotch.
Lilith: I may as well. My house is filled with people who hate me. They're all angry at me because I spoiled the big party. I'm the wet blanket. I'm the drudge. I'm the big party pooper. Stop me when you disagree.
Norm: I will.

Norm: Can you just drop me off at home, Frasier?
Lilith: Okay, Norm, just be careful.
Frasier: No, no, we we can't take him home. Vera's out of town. Can you imagine Norm just sitting there all alone in his house, helpless in front of the TV?
Lilith: Hang onto your hat, but yes.

Lilith: Frasier and I were wondering if you would paint our living room today.
Norm: Today? What's the rush?
Frasier: Well, yesterday, little Frederick was playing fireman...
Norm: Mmm-hmm.
Frasier: ...with the mustard and ketchup squeeze bottles and, uh, he put out our living room wall. He is a dickens.
Lilith: I found it difficult to keep a straight face.

Frasier: Oh, say, you know, Norm, the the guy on This Old House says that you should apply paint with, uh, vertical strokes.
Norm: Yeah, what's This Old House?
Frasier: Well, it's a show on PBS.
Norm: What's PBS?
Lilith: Tell me you didn't see that coming a mile away.

Lilith: Frasier. Frasier. Doctor, are you listening to me?
Frasier: [wakes up] Yes, yes. Now please continue. I hate it when you do that. Say, what time is it?
Lilith: It's 1:00 in the morning, and your friends are still downstairs.
Frasier: Oh, just try to ignore it, Lilith. It's only for a couple more days.
Lilith: I will not ignore it! Now go down there and get rid of them.
Frasier: I can't, dear. I'm the one that hurt Norm. I feel responsible.
Lilith: But you're not responsible for the others.
Frasier: Yeah, but, you don't understand, dear. You get one, you get them all. It's like a hive mentality. Norm must be their queen.

Cliff: Hey, Doc. What's with the getup?
Frasier: As of this day, I am changing my ways. You know, not too long ago, I used to be a healthy, robust individual. Then I set foot in this bar. Started sitting around for hours when I should have been jogging. Started to gorge myself on snacks and sweets instead of health food. Well, now that I'm back on the road to better health, I'm taking you with me.
Norm: What, uh... What do you mean, Doc?
Frasier: Well, I've signed us up for a physical fitness program.
Cliff: Geez, I don't know, Doc. Sounds like an awful, awful lot of work.
Frasier: Yeah, I already took into account your legendary sloth, and to make it easier for you, I've hired a trainer to come here in person to help you exercise.
Norm: We tried that once.
Frasier: What, you had a trained athlete who came here and and helped you work out?
Norm: Yeah.
Frasier: Well, what happened?
Norm: Uh, hey, I don't know, ask him. Uh, Paul?
Paul: Any you guys read Andy Capp today? [laughs] [coughs]

Rebecca: Oh Isn't that precious? I can hardly wait till Sam and I have our baby. Carla, do you think I'm gonna make a good mother?
Carla: Nope.
Rebecca: What do you mean?
Carla: You asked me a question, I gave you an answer.
Rebecca: Yeah, but I'm serious.
Carla: Well, I'm sorry, I'm just being honest.
Rebecca: No, you're not being honest. You're being mean.
Carla: Sometimes you get a two-fer.

Norm: Well, I'm really kind of taking this week off.
Frasier: From what?
Norm: From Vera. She's visiting her mother.
Frasier: Ooh, nothing serious, I hope.
Norm: No, no, no, no, they're just changing that tire that hangs from her ceiling. [laughs] I can take care of you guys. I can use the work. Let's go check it out. Tell you what, I... l think I can swing the whole thing today for, uh what do you say, $400?
Lilith: Uh, that's a little pricey, isn't it?
Norm: Uh, right, well, say $200 and, uh, you supply the food and the beer?
Frasier: $400, it is.

Frasier: Say, Norm, what kind of roller is that?
Norm: I don't know, Fras.
Frasier: They have, uh, different kinds of rollers?
Norm: Uh... yeah, probably do.
Frasier: Suppose, uh, some of them are better than the others?
Norm: Uh, yeah, yeah, I suppose. This one's okay, though, Fras, trust me.
Frasier: Oh, oh, yeah, no. I was just wondering about rollers.
Norm: Don't you have anything to do, you know, like work or anything?
Frasier: No, no, don't have to work today. And, Lilith doesn't let me watch TV during the daytime, so... Say, is can I help you with anything? I mean, stir the paint, maybe?
Norm: No, uh, they, uh they shook it up over at the, uh, paint store.
Frasier: Yeah, right, those, uh, those machines that, yeah, shake the paint, yeah.
Norm: Yeah.
Frasier: Say, you know, that's... I wonder who invented that. That's... There's a guy that really made a worthwhile contribution, you know? I mean, if he was a guy. I mean, he could have been a woman, I guess. Isn't that interesting? Oh, why would I assume just right off that that would be a man?
Norm: Frasier, I'm starting to miss Cliff.

Frasier: Well, you know, I... I was just trying to point out that, uh, it seemed a little silly for a a television show to waste all that, uh, air time, um, explaining to paint a certain way when you can just slap it on willy-nilly.
Norm: Look, I'd love to stay here all day and defend myself, but I can't reach that top spot so I'm gonna go home and get my big ladder.
Frasier: Well, you could reach it from the top of the ladder.
Norm: Oh, no, no, you see that, uh, sticker on the ladder there? You're not supposed to go above that step.
Frasier: Oh, come on, you're just being a big baby. Look, you're almost done, and, uh, you know, you don't want it to dry two different colors.
Norm: Oh, don't tell me. The guy from This Old House?
Frasier: Well, look, if he wasn't a professional, he wouldn't be the guy from This Old House, he'd just be some guy, all right?