Sam: Hey, everybody, this is Coach's niece, Joyce Pantusso.
Joyce: Nice to meet you.
Diane: Look at you. It's so good to see you. Oh, we couldn't be more thrilled to have you here.
Joyce: Who are you?
Diane: Oh, I'm sorry. Diane Chambers, Sam's fiance. I'm sure he must've mentioned me.
Joyce: Oh, no.
Diane: Well, it must have been an oversight. Anyway, it's so nice. We finally get to meet.
Carla: We've all got goose bumps.

Sam: Why didn't you tell me you were coming to Boston?
Joyce: Well, I wanted to surprise you. I start college at BU in the spring quarter.
Sam: Oh, my God. A Pantusso attending college.
Joyce: Yeah.
Sam: A Pantusso pronouncing college.
Joyce: Yeah, yeah, my mom and dad are really proud.

Sam: Oh, I'll bet. Tell me, how- How- How's everybody at Reedsport?
Joyce: Well, um, the family's fine. Would you believe the twins are starting high school?
Sam: No kidding.
Carla: Who are the twins? [Sam stammers]
Joyce: Mom's calligraphy business is, uh, doing well.
Sam: Yeah? Well, what about that nutty wild man dad of yours? Oh, God, Coach's baby brother. I mean, you never knew what he was going to do next.
Joyce: Oh, he threw his back out vacuuming.
Sam: What a nut, huh?

Diane: So, any last minute fatherly pearls of wisdom?
Joyce: Read for yourself.
Sam: Mmm.
Diane: "Dear Sam, would you mind keeping an eye on my Joyce? Coach always trusted you. She's my little girl, and she's all alone in the big city. lf anything ever happened to her, l'd go into the shed and blow my brains out. Phyllis says hi."
Woody: He writes a nice letter.

Diane: Well, that certainly puts the pressure on me.
Sam: You?!
Diane: Well, yes. What do you know about taking care of an 18-year-old in the city of Boston? A young girl away from home needs a big sister.
Sam: Listen, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but she's my responsibility, and I am perfectly capable of handling it. You know, kids are a lot different than when we were young. I mean, today they're smart. You gotta give 'em a lot of room to make their own mistakes.
Man: [to Joyce] Yeah, so I hear you're from out of town.
Sam: Hey, hey, hey, what- What're you doing there?
Man: I'm just making some polite conversation.
Sam: Yeah, well, buddy, this is a bar. You want to make polite conversation, you take it outside.
Man: Whatever you say.

Norm: Hey, uh, Sam? Are you, are you okay?
Sam: Yeah, why?
Norm: You're filling your shoes with beer.
Sam: Will this be enough for you?

Sam: So... you're engaged.
Joyce: Yeah, yeah, and, and we wanted you to be the first one to know about it since you were the one who put us together.
Sam: Well, thank you. [to Woody] Why are you doing this to me?
Woody: Well, Sam, we thought this would make you happy.
Sam: Well, I am, in a, a sad and disappointed way.
Woody: Well, listen, I know it sounds crazy. We've only known each other a few days, but it seems like... several.

Sam: Well, what else can I do around here that I'm great at?
Diane: Nauseate us?
Sam: Maybe some other time.

Norm: Hey, Fras, thought you'd be out on the links by now.
Frasier: It would be exceedingly difficult to tee off with this.
Cliff: What's, uh, what's that, Fras?
Frasier: This is my extra special gift from Lilith.
Carla: It's a tie.
Frasier: Yes, and I hate it. [pounds the tie with a knife] It's ugly. It's just a tie. An ordinary gray tie. I wanted golf clubs! It's not special! [throws it on the ground and stomps on it] I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!
Norm: Glad she didn't give him a puppy.

Sam: Ah! you two kids still basking in the glow of my wisdom?
Woody: We sure are. We thought about what you said, and we decided it was the best advice anyone had ever given us in our lives.
Sam: You hear that, Diane?
Woody: That's why we've decided to call off the wedding and move in together.
Diane: Hear that, Socrates?