Diane: Frasier, a letter from Cheers. Oh, wait, it's not a letter. It's a Lillian Huxley's resume. And it's signed, "Ha ha, you're out of here for ever." Always nice to hear from Carla.
Frasier: Diane, mi amore, Cheers is thousands of miles away. Why don't we just leave them on the other side of the great ocean, shall we?
Diane: Of course. I love you.
Frasier: Et tu, Diane.

Diane: Did I just hear you say that you tipped that bellboy 200,000 lire?
Frasier: Yes, what is that? A dollar or two? This inflated currency is so ridiculous, I keep expecting a bum to walk up and ask for a million lire for a cup of coffee.
Diane: You tipped the man $100 to bring our bags eight feet.
Frasier: Are you sure? Oh, well. This'll get a hearty laugh out of the folks at the institute.
Diane: Just explain it to him. I'm sure he'll understand.
Frasier: You mean go down there and get it back?
Diane: What else, my angel?
Frasier: Well, these people think so little of Americans as it is...
Diane: I'll go.
Frasier: No, no, no. If I send a woman, they'll think even less of me. I'll do it.
Diane: Oh, my brave little tourist.
Frasier: Yes. I guess it's time to nip this thing in the bud. [knock at the door] Uh, come in?
[A large group of eager hotel workers enters the room]

Tim: Now, let's sing "Don't Dilly Dally On The Way".
Norm: No, I'm tired of that one. How about a little "Knees Up, Mother Brown"
Lillian: No, I'm afraid I'm too overcome.
Sam: All right, let's sell some beers around here.

Carla: Well, Sammy, Lillian's week is almost up. Are you going to be keeping her on? I'm just dying of curiosity.
Sam: I'm going to have to admit when I'm wrong. She's a terrific waitress. The customers love her. She's absolutely perfect.
Carla: Yeah, and the best part is there's absolutely no chance of any romantic complication to screw things up.
Sam: Oh, yeah. Amen. No more sex stuff with anybody even remotely connected with this bar.
Carla: Promise?
Sam: Carla, on my honor, as a great looking human being. [An attractive blonde enters the bar] Anyway, I have just seen the woman in whose arms I hope to die. Ooh, hi there. Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Sam Malone, the next love of your life.
Carolyn: I've heard you Yanks were bold.
Sam: Oh, my God. You know, you sound exactly like-
Lillian: Carolyn.
Carolyn: Mummy.
Carla: Sam.
Sam: Carla.

Sam: Your mother never told me she had a daughter.
Carolyn: She never told me she had such a handsome boss.
Sam: Aw, shucks.
Lillian: Carolyn's visiting her old mummy for a few days.
Tim: Hey, Lillian, you're up here.
Lillian: Oh, excuse me, dears. I must go and teach this bloke how to play a proper game of darts. I'll be back in an embarrassingly short time.

Sam: I'm sorry to be such a miserable host here. Uh... So you're from England, huh?
Carolyn: Yes. I'm just in the States for a few days to shoot a layout for British Vogue.
Sam: Oh. Wait a second here. I think that calls for a little of the old welcome-to-the-US champagne.
Carolyn: Oh, great.
Sam: Yeah, a little of the old bubbly here. So you're a model, huh?
Carolyn: Yes, I do lingerie mostly. You know, teddies, merry widows, garter belts. This is my portfolio.
Cliff: I'll give you $1 ,000 for it!

Sam: Carla, can I speak to you for a moment here? You remember that conversation we had a minute ago over there about me not going out with Carolyn? Can we just pretend that whole thing never took place?
Carla: You bet. I'll just go pack my stuff. Nice knowing you.
Sam: Now, listen. Come on. The lady is coming on to me. I mean, if I resist, I could damage some organs here.
Carla: I don't care. If you go out with her, I quit.
Sam: OK, all right, fine. There are millions of women on this planet. I can certainly forgo one of them. Kind of ironic, though, isn't it? That she's the most gorgeous one I've ever seen, but, hey, that's life. That's life.

Carla: What the hell's going on?
Sam: Carla, I can explain this. [to Carolyn] I'll take you.
Carla: You make me sick.
Sam: I know. [to Carolyn] I'll take you.
Sam: Carla, I'm a weak man. Someday I will find a cure for what I have, but please, let me have this.
Carla: Oh, Sam.
Sam: Hey, come on, don't make me beg. Please, don't make me beg, Carla. Tell your mommy not to make me beg, please.

Sam: Is that a yes?
Carla: At least she's not Diane. Look, I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what.
Sam: What?
Carolyn: You go tell Lillian that you're going to take her daughter out. If she says it's OK, I'll stick around for a while.
Sam: Is that all? I'll do it. I'll make you so proud of me. [to Carolyn] Just one more minute. Have one more for the bed, the beach, the road.

Carla: So, what happened?
Sam: Everything's OK. I guess.
Carolyn: Sam, are we ever going to get to this Cape?
Sam: Hmm? Oh, right. Right, right, right, right.
Carolyn: Sam, you're going to take my daughter sightseeing?
Sam: Well, only it's OK with you?
Carolyn: I think it's an absolutely wonderful idea. Besides, it will take your mind off what you really want.