Sam: [as Sam fills up a bucket of ice] Interesting shot. I like that one. That's nice. That's nice lighting on that one. Bet they used an f-stop on that one. Now, see, I like the composition on that. What are those? Ducks?
Carolyn: Yes, that's right. I really didn't want to do this one nude, but you know...
Sam: [Sam starts shoveling the ice into thin air] No, I think it's very tasteful. It makes a point.
Norm: Sammy, the ice.
Sam: Oh, thank you very much. Could you just give me a second here?
[As Sam walks away, he puts a scoop of ice down his shirt]

Norm: She's really coming on to Sam, isn't she?
Cliff: Sam? That's rich. Norm, you know, your naivety amazes me.
Norm: What are you talking about?
Cliff: That woman? She's doing all this for my benefit. Now, you notice she's talking loud so I can hear everything? That woman wants me more than any woman has wanted me before.
Norm: Cliffie, sometimes you really scare me.

Carolyn: Sam, what about this Cape Cod place I've been hearing about? I hear that it's delightful and terribly romantic at this time of year.
Sam: Well, you know, I guess it could be. Yeah.
Carolyn: Tell me, are there any clothing-optional beaches there? I like to get an all-over tan. Oh, I know it's a lot more common in Europe than it is in America, so I came prepared with a bikini, but it's such a skimpy little thing anyway.
Sam: Carla.
Carolyn: I'm having a real hard time with this map. I just can't make head or tail of it. I really don't think I'm going to be able to find my way there.
Sam: I'll take you. I'll take you. I'll take you.
Carolyn: Oh, great. What a lovely surprise.
Sam: I'll take you. I'll let Carla go and I'll take you. I'll turn this into a self-serve bar and I'll take you.

Carla: What happened? And I already know it's bad.
Sam: No, it's worse than you think. Lillian thought that I wanted to go out with her. She's sitting in there with a case of the third-degree Sammies.
Carla: [hits Sam with her bar towel] I knew it, I knew it, I knew it.
Sam: Don't panic, will you? Just trust me, I can handle this. We need a solution. I can always fall back on the truth, I guess.
Carla: No, you can't do that. Nuh-uh. If you tell her you're not interested now, she's going to get hurt and quit. If she gets hurt and quits, I'll be hurt and quit. If I get hurt and quit, then you'll be as good as dead.
Sam: Oh, boy, what am I going to do? My mind doesn't work like this. It's trained to get women into bed. What would Diane do?
Carla: Talk till we puke.
Sam: Probably.

Carla: I got it. I got it. Lillian is smarter than us, right? You go in there and tell her, "Lillian, we can't do this, because.... Well, you know."
Sam: No, I don't.
Carla: Sam, that's what you say. She'll think of something and fill in the rest.
Sam: Oh, that's brilliant. That's brilliant. How does the part go that I say again? [Carla sighs] Come on.
Carla: "We can't do this, because... well, you know."
Sam: No, I don't. I wouldn't be asking you to repeat it if I did. [Carla sprays Sam with the bar hose] Oh, right, right, right, right. That's perfect.

Lillian: Sam, my dear, you're damp.
Sam: It's the sweat of passion.
Lillian: Oh, Sam.
Sam: Lillian, we can't do this... because... well, you know.
Lillian: Yes, I suppose I do.
Sam: You do? [dances]
Lillian: Sam, why are you dancing?
Sam: Well, I'm just... I was relieved that I wasn't the only one who knew why we couldn't do this.
Lillian: No, no. I love this job. I need this job. Carla needs me so much. I would miss all these wonderful people. Sam, we must try to preserve a proper working relationship no matter what the pain.
Sam: I... It's sad. I mean, it's so very sad.

Sam: Well, Carolyn, it's just you and me off to that famous Cape. Here we go. Um, do you mind if I ask you kind of a personal question here?
Carolyn: What's that?
Sam: Uh, could you tell me, how did your father die?
Carolyn: Oh. Well, the coroner said it was a heart attack. But we all know it was Mummy's passion that killed him.
Sam: Well, that's... That's tragic.
Carolyn: Yes. I suppose that's why I hate sex so. The very idea gives me the chills. Well, let's go.

Sam: Hey, Carla, I'd like you to meet Sydney.
Sydney: Hi.
Sam: Sydney is an applicant for our waitress opening. Well, she passed my interview with flying colors. And pending your approval, I'd like to start her this afternoon.
Carla: Have you served the public before?
Sydney: You mean dressed?
Carla: Take a hike, Sydney.
Sam: Well, I'll call you this afternoon, see how you're doing.
Sydney: Oh, thank you, Sam. You're a very nice man.
Sam: Well, you're very nice, too, Sydney. I know we've only known each other for a few minutes, but I feel like we've known each other all day.
Sydney: Yeah, me, too.
Sam: You take care.

Sam: Gosh, darn it, Brenda. I guess Carla just thought you were overqualified. You know what might ease that sting of rejection you're feeling right now? What would happen if I were to slip into some tight jeans this weekend and have you over to my place for a banana daiquiri?
Brenda: Do you have a fireplace?
Sam: No, but I got a sofa that's flammable.
Brenda: That'd be fine.
Sam: All right. You take care now. Bye-bye.

Frasier: Ah, bene, bene, molto bene.
Bellboy: Your heat control is over there. If you need anything, call the front desk.
Frasier: Thank you very much. That'll be all. Listen, 200,000 lire, that's about right, right?
Bellboy: Uh... Grazie, signore.
Frasier: Prego.
Bellboy: Grazie.