Lilith: We both know it was a mistake. It will never happen again.
Rebecca: What are you gonna do now?
Lilith: Well, there's only one thing I can do. I have to tell Frasier. Now, until I find the time to tell him in my own way, you must promise me you're not going to say anything to him about this.
Rebecca: Well, how the hell am I gonna do that?
Lilith: What?
Rebecca: Because this is juicy stuff. The more I'm sitting here thinking that I should keep my mouth shut, the more I want to just go out there and blab it all over. I know that's wrong, but it's just me.
Lilith: Please, Rebecca, you'll only have to control yourself for a little while. Frasier and I are going to have dinner with another couple up at Melville's, and as soon as it's over, I'll break it to him.
Rebecca: Lilith, you have a big problem.
Lilith: Yes, I know. My entire marriage is on extremely shaky ground.
Rebecca: No, I mean you only have about an hour until I blow.

Tiny: Hi. Welcome to Cheers. You want to feel the plate in my head? I can make it move.
Young Man: No, uh, we're just looking for friends, and, uh, they're not here. So, bye.
Norm: Sammy, that's guy's making me a little nervous, okay?
Sam: What're you talking about? The guy's great. He's already stopped two fights, keeping everybody in line. Best of all, he thinks minimum wage is two dollars an hour.
Woody: Wow, you're cheating him out of 50 cents an hour?

Frasier: Here is my question. Now I had the seafood salad. You had the poached salmon. Neither of us had any appetizers. They had appetizers and soup and the lobster special, and yet we split the meal fifty-fifty. Now, am I wrong, or did we just get royally ripped?
Lilith: Frasier, we need to talk.
Frasier: You're darned right we do. I don't know if I want them as friends anymore.

Sam: I... I... I can't believe that.
Rebecca: I knew the whole time. I have known it for over an hour. And I didn't say a word to anybody. [singsongy] I kept a secret. I kept... Tragic, isn't it?

Lilith: Of course you deserve to know everything that happened and why.
Frasier: Look, all I want to know is who.
Lilith: Who it is doesn't matter. This is about us. The identity of the other person is irrelevant.
Frasier: Fine, Lilith, I respect that. It'll be just one more secret between us. One more brick in the wall.
Lilith: All right. It was my colleague, the distinguished research scientist, Dr. Louis Pascal.
Frasier: The bald guy?!

Lilith: Frasier, I never meant to hurt you. But for so long now I have felt so alone. It seems we can't talk without getting into a fight. Even the smallest conversation erupts into bickering. It just goes on every...
Frasier: Oh, I can see what's going on here. I can't believe I didn't think of this sooner. I'm such a dope.
Lilith: What are you talking about?
Frasier: You're in your mid-30s, right?
Lilith: Yes.
Frasier: It's perfectly natural for you to be examining your life right now. You are comparing the expectations you had of yourself in the past with what you've actually achieved up to now.
Lilith: Frasier, that...
Frasier: No, no, wait. Wait, let me finish. And how many years have we been married? Seven. The perfect time for you to be re-examining our relationship. You're practically a cliche.
Lilith: Frasier, I am not a cliche. I'm talking about something...
Frasier: Oh, please, you got hit with the old double whammy. Of course you had a fling. And why wouldn't you? Thank God. For a while I thought we had a problem.

Lilith: Frasier, you're not listening to me.
Frasier: "You're not listening to me." Right out of the textbook.
Lilith: I can't tell you how annoying this is.
Frasier: Of course you can. Volumes have been written on how annoying analysis can get.

Frasier: Greetings, all.
Sam: Hey, Frasier. What can we get you?
Frasier: Oh, uh, just a scotch, please, Sam. Boy, what a day I've had. I'd like to unwind. I think I've earned it.
Woody: Well, coming right up, Dr. Crane. [pours a scotch]
Frasier: No, I've really earned it, Woody. [Woody tops it up] I mean, this was a real bad day. [grabs Woody's arm as he tops it up again] I'll tell you when to stop, Woody.

Frasier: [slurring] One more, Woody. One more for the the big stooge. One more for the big loser. One more for the big boob.
Carla: [to Norm, Cliff & Phil] Hey, hear that? Frasier wants to buy you guys a drink.

Lilith: Frasier, I'm gonna ask you one more time. This is our marriage we're talking about. Our lives. Stop being a psychiatrist and start being my husband.
Frasier: All right, Lilith. I'll be your husband. But for seven years now we've tried to build something together, and I think we've done a pretty good job. It's not worth throwing it all away on something so empty, meaningless and unfulfilling.
Lilith: Actually-
Frasier: I don't want to hear it!
Lilith: Frasier, don't you see that this incident is symptomatic of much larger problems?
Frasier: We can work on that. We owe it to our marriage. But you must march over to Pascal and tell him, in no uncertain terms, that you will never see him again.
Lilith: Very well. I'll go now. Certainly you're being very rational about this. Very civilized.
Frasier: Well, I'm... I'm nothing if not civilized. By the way, this Pascal, is he married?
Lilith: No. Why?
Frasier: I thought I could bag his wife, even the score. I'm sorry. I'm venting. Go.