Candi: I don't know what you think this is all about, but I just came here because Sam said you were a nice guy and you were down in the dumps. And I thought maybe we could talk a little bit and have a couple of laughs.
Frasier: Well, fine. We've had that. You've done your charity work for the evening.
Candi: Charity work? You really are a sad case. How a guy with such a great forehead could get so messed up.
Frasier: Wait. The least I can do is give you a ride home. I'm going in your direction.
Candi: Which direction?
Frasier: Out.
Candi: Oh, thank you, Frasier. You're sweet.
Frasier: Say, you know, I just realized I'm feeling kind of hungry. Would you like to get some food?
Candi: Oh, food. My favourite.

Diane: Good Lord. Frasier left with her? Well, they have nothing in common. What could he possibly have to say to that woman?
Sam: "Thank you, thank you, thank you."

Diane: Trust me. He might have taken pity on that poor girl and done something to be nice to her. Frasier is far too sophisticated a man to be swept away by her transparent charms.
Frasier: [enters] Greetings, one and all. Say hello to Mrs. Frasier Crane.

Diane: You're married?
Frasier: Well, no. No, we're not married. And we won't be for a long time.
Candi: An hour.
Frasier: Yeah, we're gonna tie the knot right here today where we met just 16 hours ago. That is, if it's okay with you, Sam.
Sam: Yeah.
Diane: Sixteen hours isn't much time, Frasier.
Frasier: Well, that depends on how you spend those 16 hours.

Frasier: What is it, Diane? I hate what I'm about to say, and I pray to God it's not true, but I think you're doing this to draw me out, to force me to make a stand. Please, tell me if I'm wrong, and I'll be forever silent.
Frasier: You're wrong.
Diane: No, I'm not.
Frasier: Yes, you are, Diane.
Diane: Okay. Fine. [to Sam] He's lost his mind.

Frasier: My dear? You look lovely.
Candi: You too, Frasier. But you know what we're missing? Music.
Frasier: Music. Of course. Say, anybody play the piano?
Woody: I play a little.
Frasier: Well, get up there, young man, and regale us with your virtuosity.
[Woody sits down at the piano and plays "Heart and Soul"]
Sam: Woody? Woody? I don't think that's quite right for a wedding.
Woody: Ah.
[Woody plays "Heart and Soul" a bit slower]
Frasier: It's perfect, senseless. Madcap. Yeah. Frasier would've hated it. Fras thinks it's swell.

Diane: I have to stop this and stop it now. There's something I must say. I've tried to avoid it. I've tried to hold my peace, but I can't. It's urgent. Please. Sam, help. Let's go, fast.
Sam: Listen up, everybody. We'll be back in a minute here. In the meantime, you'll be entertained by the magic fingers of Mr. Woody Boyd.
[Woody plays "Heart and Soul"]

Frasier: Don't you see what you're doing here? You feel guilty, at least subconsciously, for rejecting me, and that's causing you to act out.
Diane: For once in your life, Frasier, put away your flashcard psychoanalysis and face the truth.
Frasier: How dare you insult my professional acumen!
Candi: Here's what I think--
Frasier: Candi, please, you were not put on this earth to think. Diane, you are without a doubt-- Oh, my God.
What have I done? What have I said?
Candi: You said, "l wasn't put on this earth--"
Frasier: No, I know what I said. I just can't believe I said it. Candi? I didn't mean it. Please forgive me.
Candi: Yes, you did mean it, Frasier. And what's more, you're right. You know, I didn't understand anything anybody was saying except for Sam. We can't get married, because I don't deserve you.
Frasier: No, no, I don't deserve you. I don't deserve to put polish on your toenails. Although it was the highlight of breakfast. Maybe we should spend more time together before we take this step.
Candi: You mean, like, the weekend?
Frasier: That long? Well, maybe.

Sam: Diane, I gotta compliment you on the way you handled Frasier. I mean, that was pretty good.
Diane: Thank you. Yeah. Yeah, I hate to see a man and woman make a mistake. Frasier and Candi.
Sam: Frasier and Candi. Yeah. Well, no, no, I mean, you gotta hang out with somebody for a long time. You gotta really get to know them before you take a big step like that.
Diane: Yes. If something's worthwhile, it's worth waiting for.
Sam: Absolutely. Well. A lot of people out there waiting for a wedding, and no bride, no groom. Guess it's up to us, huh?
Diane: My God, Sam. I can't believe my ears. You're serious, aren't you?
Sam: Oh, no, no. I just meant that we should go out there and serve those people some drinks. That's all.
Diane: Oh, that's what I meant too.
Sam: No, it isn't. What did you think I was talking about? Come on.

Cliff: Pretzels. Fresh pretzels. Get your fresh pretzels here. Delivered to you piping hot from Ma Clavin's kitchen.
Carla: Come on, Norm. You're his friend. You promised you'd tell him to stop bringing that stuff in here.
Norm: All right. I'll take care of it while I still have some teeth left.
Cliff: Hey, incidentally, Normie, I don't mind telling you, you know, how much Ma appreciates the fact that you guys like her pretzels.
Norm: Great, Cliff, listen--
Cliff: She's been down in the dumps these past 40 years. You know, when she heard how you felt about these babies, well, she just broke right down and cried.
Norm: Oh, boy, pretzels.