Woody: That'll be $7.50, Dr. Crane.
Frasier: Oh, yes, of course. Oh, gee, l- I've only got big bills. Well, perhaps Lilith has some change. Oh, dear God.
Sam: What? What is it?
Frasier: Lilith is carrying a dead rat in her purse.
Carla: Oh.
Frasier: Why would she be carrying a dead rat in her purse?
Carla: Just a wild guess. A snack?

Rebecca: Is everything all right?
Lilith: Yes, it was a false alarm.
Rebecca: So nothing was wrong?
Lilith: No. One of my patients set off a false alarm, but he's a pyromaniac, so, for him, this is progress.

Frasier: Oh, Lilith, darling. Hello. I've, I've got your purse. Uh, you know, we don't have time for our drinks, really. Uh, the- the curtain's in 45 minutes and you know how I hate to be late.
Lilith: Yes. It's one of your more endearing compulsions.
Frasier: Uh, by the way, uh... There's something we need to discuss. [both exit]
Lilith: [o.s.] You did what?!
Frasier: [o.s.] Darling, I did what I had to do!
Lilith: [o.s.] Shut up! Where is he? [trash cans rattling]
[After Lilith runs up the stairs with her purse, Carla opens the door and finds Frasier stuck head first in a trash can]
Frasier: Apparently, she's still grieving!

Woody: Dr. Crane, your wife called. I didn't want to wake you.
Frasier: Oh. She called to apologize?
Woody: Well, sort of. Uh, she said for you to meet her at Frederick's school. You have that interview.
Frasier: Oh, I completely forgot.
Woody: Well, she also said to tell you she knew you'd forget because "you're such an uncaring human being. But for once in your life, think of your child, comb your few remaining hairs and wash that canned ham you call a face and get over there." [Frasier exits] You know, now that I reread this it sounds less and less like an apology.

Paul: Say, uh, Sammy, could I have a couple of coffees for me and Paula?
Cliff: Paul and Paula?
Paul: Yeah.
Cliff: Hey, Paul?
Paul: What?
Norm: No, the song, you know, "Hey, Paul."
Paul: Hey, what?
Cliff: No, wait a minute. You never heard of that old song, "Hey, hey, Paul?"
Paul: Hey, hey, shut up.
Norm: No, no, no, come on. We're talking about that song from the '60s by Paul and Paula, "Hey, hey, Paula."
Paula: What?
Norm: Nothing. Never mind. Forget I brought it up.

Sam: Did you hear that? She only goes out with guys who are heavy.
Carla: Well, you'd be surprised, Sam. Women like the oddest things. Take me.
Sam: Yeah? What do you like?
Carla: Nothing. Just take me.

Lilith: Frasier. Frasier, I owe you an apology. I haven't been myself the past couple of days.
Frasier: No, darling. l, I trivialized your grief. A husband should be supportive. But, please help me. Help me. Meet me halfway. Why were you carrying a moribund rodent in your evening bag?
Lilith: I wasn't going to take him on our date. But I knew if I left him at the lab, they'd have given him to the undergraduates to dissect. I couldn't let that happen to Whitey. I just wanted to give him a decent burial.
Frasier: I'm, I'm so sorry. How could I have been so insensitive?
Lilith: Of course, I overreacted. But I think I know why. I was confronted for the first time with the death of someone close to me.
Frasier: I understand, dear. It's what we call a crisis.
Lilith: I know what we call it, Frasier. The upshot is I've never been more acutely aware of how precious and fragile life is for each of us.

Sam: Excuse me. Excuse me. Uh... Come over here for a second, will you? I want to pour you a glass of champagne. Interesting thing about this bottle: it was presented to me for being the hottest single guy in Boston, but, you know, until you walked through that door, I have never found anyone I wanted to share it with.
Paula: I don't drink champagne. Thanks. [walks away]
Sam: Whoo! What just happened here, guys?
Norm: Well, you got shot down, Sam.
Sam: Uh, you know, you read about those kind of things but you never think they're gonna happen to you.
Norm: Well, you know, maybe she's seeing someone else.
Sam: I don't see how that's relevant.
Cliff: You know, Sammy, maybe she's one of these women who, uh, coaches basketball and does her own carpentry, if you know what I mean.
Sam: Let's go with that, shall we, gentlemen?

Sam: Hi. Listen, excuse me for just a second here. l, I didn't mean to, you know, imply that I was gonna give you the champagne to get you drunk. I just wanted to get to know you.
Paula: You'd have to get me drunk for that.
Norm: Ooh!
Sam: First that other girl, now her twin sister.

Rebecca: Well, 26 hours of eating clean.
Norm: And 26 hours of hearing about it.