Cliff: Well, come on, sit, sit, sit, please. Bartender, how about a couple of drinks for my lovely ladies here, huh? In the meanwhile, I'll go and, uh, use the facilities.
Esther Clavin: Clifford, don't be vulgar.
Cliff: Sorry, Ma.

Carla: Uh, Sammy, two beers.
Sam: Get them yourself.
Norm: You okay, Sam?
Sam: It's none of your business.
Woody: Sam, we're out of olives.
Sam: That's your problem, isn't it? Gee, these shorts are cold!

Norm: Sammy, how's it going?
Sam: You ever try to start your car on a really cold winter morning?
Norm: Yeah. Sure.
Sam: Yeah, well, nobody in their right mind would expect it to start. Am I right?
Norm: Yeah. You're right.
Sam: Yeah, well, you tell that to Rebecca!

Cliff: Oh! Sorry I'm late, everybody. How you doing? You wouldn't believe all those people down at the marriage bureau waiting for a license. Pretty soon, Maggie, it's going to be you and me. We'll be joining them, huh?
Margaret: I can't wait, Cliff.
Cliff: I'm one happy fella! Gosh, I'm happy! And you're the one who made me so happy, honey. You're all invited to the wedding. Doc, can I see you in the office, please?
Frasier: Sure, Cliff.
Cliff: I'll be with you in just a minute, my betrothed. [chuckles] Hey, who would have thought Cliff Clavin was ready for commitment?

Cliff: Look, Fras, I know what you're trying to say, that I should stand up to my mother. Well, you're not telling me anything I haven't been telling myself since my 35th birthday. It's just that, if I do, it'll hurt Ma's feelings.
Frasier: What about Cliff's feelings?
Cliff: Oh, who cares about Cliff's feelings?
Frasier: You should. You have the right to do with your life what you will. Don't worry about what other people will think. Your first responsibility is to you. You're a real person, worthy of consideration and respect.

Esther Clavin: Good news, kiddies! The wedding's going to have a luau theme. I've booked the Tiki Hut on Route Nine.
Cliff: Ma, I want to talk to you. You can stop grinding that organ right now. I'm taking off my little hat. I'm not your monkey anymore.
Esther Clavin: Clifford, we haven't got time for the monkey speech. We're too busy.
Cliff: I love you, Ma, but I'm not going to be railroaded into marriage just to make you happy. You've been running my life long enough, and it's time for me to take the wheel.
Esther Clavin: Why, Clifford Clavin, how dare you speak to your mother like that?!
Cliff: I'm 42 years old, and I'll speak to you any way I wish!
Esther Clavin: My word!

Cliff: Come on, Maggie! We got a lot of living to do!
[Cliff picks Margaret up and starts to carry her out of the door. He hits her head on the coat rack and then the door]
Margaret: Whoo! Oh! Oh!
Cliff: You still with me, Maggie?
Margaret: My tooth, Cliff!
[As Cliff carries Margaret up the stairs, they scream as he stumbles and they fall down]
Esther Clavin: I see I still have to do everything for the boy.
[Esther goes outside and carries Margaret up the stairs]
Esther Clavin: I'll be back for you in a minute, Clifford!