TV Quotes

Rebecca: Maybe I was a little off. I don't you know? I mean, I knew that I'd been depressed and I'd been crying for a couple of days and... Wait a minute.
Sam: What?
Rebecca: I know what you're doing. You are trying to convince me that I was not good in bed, so I will go to bed with you again to prove how good I can be.
Sam: I swear to you, Rebecca-
Rebecca: No, wait a minute. We did it once and that's all we're gonna do it. And no matter how much we might want it and no matter how great it was for both of us, we're never doing it again.
Sam: Fine.
Rebecca: I mean it, never again.
Sam: Gotcha.
Rebecca: You should listen to me, there is no more.
Sam: I hear you and I agree with you. It was a terrific moment that you and I had together, but the truth is, you know, I can see that you love Robin and Robin loves you, so, truthfully, I'm liberated. I feel, I feel good. But I just hope we can, you know, remain friends.
Rebecca: Oh, get your mind out of your pants.

Sam: Hey, wait-wait-wait! Come back here. I wasn't trying to do anything there.
Rebecca: Oh, stop caressing me. I have had it with this constant sexual harassment! I am quitting this job and I'm never coming back here.
Woody: Me too, man. 20 lousy bucks after two years. Man, I'm out of here. Wait up, Miss Howe, wait up-
Sam: Woody, that was a personal thing between me and Rebecca. It had nothing to do with your raise.
Woody: Well, still, 20 lousy bucks...
Sam: Well, that's fine, 25. Now, let's get back to work. Come on.
Woody: Hey, keep your hands off.

Carla: Oh, man. This is terrible.
Frasier: What?
Carla: Sammy finally struck out for real.
Frasier: Ooh. [customers muttering, murmuring]
Sam: What are you talking about here?
Carla: We all knew that it was taking a long time, but we thought that, eventually, you two would be doing the horizontal hokeypokey.
Norm: But I guess that's it, huh? Lower the flag.
Carla: The end of an era. First, the Communist bloc crumbles, and now Sammy's studhood.

Sam: What I can't figure out is why, why I don't want to tell any of my friends. No, that's not true. I- I do want to, but I can't. Why? That's- That's- You know, maybe it was such a letdown that I didn't feel like bragging about it. Or maybe it was not a letdown and I was just ticked that she dumped me as soon as her boyfriend walked in. Or maybe she's right and I'm just trying to get her in the sack again. I don't know. God! I- I just l- l'm just a simple guy trying to deal with this complex problem. Or maybe maybe I'm a complex guy trying to deal with a simple problem, I don't know. What do you think, Father?
Father Barry: Am I to understand that you had relations with a woman who is not your wife?
Sam: Yes. That's, uh... That's correct, Father. Uh, what do I need to do?
Father Barry: Say three Hail Marys, four Our Fathers, and nine rosaries.
Sam: Thank you, Father. Nine rosaries? That's a lot.
Father Barry: We're cracking down!

Sam: You mean that I- l have to do that for each one of these beads?
Carla: Hey, it's not a religion for wusses.

Sam: Listen, I wouldn't say you were good if you weren't. Maybe I just, you know, wasn't too enthusiastic this morning because my feelings were hurt. I mean, the minute he comes in here, you act as if nothing happened.
Rebecca: No, no, no. Sam, that doesn't wash. You have been after me for three years. And you finally got me. I mean, if I was even adequate, I know that you would have run out there and told every bozo in the bar.
Sam: You don't think I wasn't dying to do that? It was making me crazy. It's just that I thought that I'd be betraying our friendship. I never really had a friend before.
Rebecca: You have lots of friends.
Sam: No, no, I never "had" a friend before.

Norm: Sammy would never withhold information like that.
Carla: No. He lives to talk about that stuff.
Norm: And we live to hear about it.
Cliff: Aw, it's a symbiotic relationship. Much like that between the shark and the tiny pilot fish that constantly swims around its mouth picking out the little bits of meat.
Frasier: I suppose you're now going to tell me that if George Washington had had a pilot fish, he wouldn't have needed wooden dentures.
Woody: Now you're getting up to speed, Dr. Crane.
Frasier: Yeah. Yeah. And then he could have, uh, swum across the Delaware to defeat the Hessians.
Woody: [laughing] No Dr. Crane, try to understand. It's only the president's face that changes.
Cliff: It's not like he grew fins or something.

Rebecca: Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Robin: Oh, my God! Rebecca, what is going on in here?
Rebecca: Robin, I can explain.
Sam: Wait a minute. My button's caught in your zipper here.
Rebecca: Robin, I can't explain.
Robin: It's my own fault. For all you knew, I was never coming back again. I left the way clear for something like this to happen.
Rebecca: But Robin, nothing did happen.
Robin: Nothing?
Rebecca: No, nothing. Okay, something almost happened but I would never betray you. I love you. We didn't do anything. Did we, Sam?
Sam: Yeah... what she said.

Carla: Hey, jailbird, your lawyer's on the phone.
Rebecca: Your lawyer?!
Robin: Yes, I've made arrangements to turn myself in.
Rebecca: Oh, Robin. Oh, I'll wait for you.
Robin: I won't have any money when I come out.
Rebecca: That doesn't matter. I'll help you rebuild your fortune.
Carla: Yeah, just look at what she's done with this bar.
Robin: Oh, shut up.
Carla: Boy, just because you lose a few billion bucks is no reason to cop a 'tude.

Rebecca: I guess I should go see if Robin needs any help.
Sam: Sure.
Rebecca: Sam? Thank you for lying about... you know.
Sam: It's okay, sure. Thank you for... you know. I just think it was the right thing to do. The lying, I mean, not the, you know... Well, that, too.