‘Diane Meets Mom’
Season 3, Episode 8 - Aired November 22, 1984
Diane is nervous about meeting Frasier's brilliant mother, Dr. Hester Crane (Nancy Marchand). Meanwhile, Norm celebrates his birthday at Cheers.
Quote from Norm
Sam: I think you took advantage of me here, Norm.
Norm: Well, Sam, I figured you'd want to throw in the mole. Makes a nice birthday gift, you know. All right, you want to be hard-nosed about it. Come on. I'll pay for it. Come on.
Sam: No, no. Happy birthday.
Norm: Thank you, Sam, it's just what I wanted.
Sam: You're welcome.
Norm: I know it's a little early, but I wouldn't say no to a tummy tuck for Christmas.
Sam: I'll think about it.
Quote from Diane
Diane: Hester, I was trying to joke with you like you were joking with me. And if you weren't joking then you threatened my life last night-
Hester Crane: I what?
Diane: She said that if I didn't stop seeing you, she'd shoot me.
Hester Crane: This was obviously a mistake.
Diane: Oh, no. You know perfectly well you threatened my life!
Frasier: Diane, for heaven's sake.
Hester Crane: I will not stay and be talked to like this. Frasier, she is a rude, boorish, spiteful woman, who, for some reason that I don't understand, resents me terribly.
Frasier: Mother, please.
Diane: Liar, liar, pants on fire.
Quote from Frasier
Diane: I'm not lying. She is. And if you love me, you'll stand up for me now when I need it.
Frasier: But Diane.
Hester Crane: Frasier, I'm asking you to leave with me now.
Diane: Frasier, this is the most important moment in our relationship. If you abandon me now, that's it.
Frasier: Mother, why did you threaten Diane?
Hester Crane: You believe her?
Hester Crane: Oh, God! I've lost you. Frasier, I did say those terrible things, but, believe me, I had good reason.
Frasier: OK, she said them, but she had good reasons.
Diane: Not good enough!
Frasier: They'd better be good!
Hester Crane: The best in the world. Oh, I wanted to save you from ruining what could be a brilliant career. I just can't stand the picture of you being married to a pseudo-intellectual barmaid. No offence intended.
Diane: None taken. Ca ne fait rien.
Quote from Diane
Diane: Dr. Crane, I'm sorry if I made a bad first impression, but I think, no, I know, it was a wrong impression. I may be a diamond in the rough now, but I'm a dreamer, and I have a habit of making dreams come true. When and if I marry Frasier Crane, I will be the kind of wife and family you'll be proud to know and claim. Why, people will get tired hearing you boast about your daughter-in-law.
Hester Crane: Diane, I see I've handled this so badly.
Diane: Well, yes... l suppose I've made a few mistakes myself.
Hester Crane: Oh, let's go out and come in again.
Diane: I'd love to.
Frasier: This is the most incredible moment of my entire day. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to take you two future best pals out to the finest lunch in town.
Quote from Norm
Cliff: What all did they do to you down there, Norm?
Norm: Mostly routine stuff. Well, I did take care of one other little matter.
Sam: Like what?
Norm: Oh, I had a little mole removed.
Sam: And you stuck me with it?
Larry: Norm, where did you have a mole?
Cliff: That must have been the one on your butt there, right?
Larry: Norm, I didn't know you were that... vain. Who's ever going to see your rear end?
Norm: You're just about to, wise guy.