Diane: Does Sam's behavior give you pause? Methinks the man does protest too much.
Woody: Excuse me, Miss Chambers, but shouldn't it be "l thinks"?
Carla: Not in your case, Woody.

Norm: Boy, I envy Sammy his carefree lifestyle.
Carla: Yeah.
Norm: Night after night, he dates pretty girls, while I sit here and wrestle with the world's problems.
Carla: You do not.
Norm: What do you mean? Last night, I let out that moan at the thought of nuclear war.
Carla: It wasn't because of nuclear war. It was because we ran out of beer nuts.
Norm: It was a combination of the two.

Woody: [sobbing] I'm sorry, Sam, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do this.
Sam: I know you didn't. That's all right. It's okay.
Carla: He's been like this ever since you left, Sam.
Woody: Sam, I... I've come to donate an organ or something.
Sam: Woody, Woody, I have a hernia.
Woody: Well, if you need another one, take mine.

Diane: Bye, Carla. You see? There are other parts to a hospital besides the maternity ward.
Carla: Bite it.

Cliff: [sings] The farmer in the dell The farmer in the dell [talks] Hey, everybody, howdy-doody. Guess what I got in the bag.
Carla: What's left of your mind?
Cliff: Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce a turnip that needs no introduction: Miss June Lockhart. Hey, look here. Yeah, you put a little makeup on her. Shampoo and set her root hairs. Finish her off with a delicate strand of pearls... Is it me or is this getting a little weird?
Carla: You passed weird six months ago.
Norm: Now you're boldly going where no man has gone before.
Cliff: Boy, I guess it's true what they say, huh? It's a fine line between gardening and madness.

Frasier: Cliff, old man, maybe a little vacation would do you some good. Now, if you'll excuse me, I gotta get back to my office.
Cliff: Hey, doc? Doc, listen, you mind if I tag along with you? Just for the stroll, you know, a little informal chat on the way?
Frasier: Oh, you bet, Cliff. I'd enjoy the company.
Cliff: Well, yeah, good. Listen, I'm a very private man. I've gotta warn you at the outset. I just don't bare my soul at the drop of a hat.
Frasier: Oh, I understand.
Cliff: Yeah, I was breast-fed a lot longer than most youngsters. I mean, babies.

Diane: Oh, dear me, my worst fears are confirmed.
Carla: There's been a peroxide embargo?

Cliff: Hey, Sigmund Fraud.
Frasier: Are you addressing me, Cliff?
Cliff: This bill is outrageous. 750 bucks here for a friendly chat. I've had several of Ma's organs taken out for less than that.
Frasier: It was not a little chat. It was seven hours of intensive psychotherapy, which I flatter myself to say has done you a world of good.
Cliff: Oh, yeah? You think so? Yeah, well, I don't think so. [removes an ear of corn] And neither does Meryl Streep!

Sam: I'm sorry. It's just this stupid hernia thing's getting me feeling my age.
Carla: What are you talking about? Would you stop that? Sam Malone never ages. It's one of life's great truths. Let me tell you something, Sammy. When you're 87, you'll still be a hunk to me. Of course, I'll be senile and blind.
Sam: And pregnant.
Carla: Yeah, probably.
Sam: I'll look you up.
Carla: You better.

Diane: This is no time for levity. I just called every hotel in Sugarloaf, and there's no Sam Malone registered anywhere.
Norm: Maybe he's staying under an assumed name.
Diane: No, I checked all the assumed names he usually uses. There's no Lance Manion. Nor is there a Honeyboy Wilson.