Carla: What's with the skis, Sam?
Sam: Oh, all this physical activity's put me in a physical mood. I feel like doing something else physical. I think I'm gonna go skiing for a while. If you need help behind the bar, Woody, call Bob.
Diane: Sam, this is all rather sudden. Where are you going? How long will you be gone?
Sam: Sugarloaf, Maine. If the snow's cold and the women hot, I'll be gone forever. See you guys. Bye-bye. [exits]
Woody: What a guy! We just get through playing a hard game of racquetball and he's still raring to go. You just never know what he's gonna do next. [Sam is seen crawling up the stairs] Like now, for example.

Diane: Are you ladies ready for a check?
Nurse #1: Yes, thank you. Anyway, I've been at Boston Mercy for five years, and I have never had a more relentless patient than I had today. Even when he was in constant pain, he never stopped coming on to me.
Diane: [drops her tray] My God, it's Sam!
Nurse #2: Are you all right?
Diane: [picks up her tray] The patient you're talking about. Is it by any chance Sam Malone?
Nurse #1: No.
Diane: Thank God.
Nurse #1: His name is Lance Manion. [Diane drops her tray again]

Diane: Sam, I know what this is all about. Dating young girls. Nearly killing yourself to beat Woody. Not telling us you were in the hospital.
Sam: No, I didn't tell you I was in the hospital because... I got a hernia, and it's an old man's problem, and I didn't want, you know, the guys to make fun of me. That's all.
Diane: First of all, people of all ages get hernias. Second of all, getting older is the most natural thing in the world. There's nothing to fear. Accept it.
Sam: I will not accept it! Listen, the day you start accepting getting old is the day you get old.
Diane: All right, Sam. Have it your way.
Sam: Yeah.
Diane: But I think you'd be much happier and content if instead of fighting the advancing years, you embrace them joyfully.
Sam: No.

Dr. McDunna: Don't you remember me? Steve McDunna. You tutored me for a while when I was in junior high.
Diane: Stevie McDunna? Little Stevie? Little Dr. Steve... Big little Dr. Stevie?
Dr. McDunna: Yes, yeah. It's very nice to see you again. I'm sorry, I have to run. I'll check in with you later. [exits]
Sam: Yeah, bye-bye.
Diane: I'm old and alone in Boston.

Woody: Carla, could you cover the bar a second? I'm just gonna grab a case of Bass Ale.
Sam: Oh, hey, hold on there, young fella. I'll get that. I'll get that.
Carla: Don't be stupid, Sammy. You just had an operation.
Sam: Hey, the day that I can't pick up a case of beer is the day that I sell this place.
Diane: Sam, what are you trying to prove?
Sam: I'm not trying to prove anything. I'm just trying to run a bar here. [carries the box] Not too shabby, huh?
Woody: Nice going, Sammy. [pats Sam on the back]
Diane: Sam?
Sam: [quietly] Mmm-hmm.
Diane: Do you wanna go back to the hospital?
Sam: Very badly.

Carla: Here you go, Sam. I want you to have that. It's kind of a family heirloom.
Sam: Well, what is it?
Carla: A truss. It came over with my grandfather from the old country. Actually, it came over on my grandfather.
Sam: Oh, well, yeah, gee, that's nice. Thank you.
Carla: It's a joke! You don't need this thing. You're Sammy. Sammy don't wear no truss. Geez!
Sam: Oh, that's funny. That's very funny.
Carla: Yeah, well, don't pop your stitches laughing.

Diane: Hi, Sam. How are you?
Sam: I don't even know why you bother asking. You know how I am. I'm old.
Diane: Sam, please.
Sam: No, no, no, you were right. You know, I tried denying it, but it's no use. All I got to look forward to is slowing down, wearing out, and breaking the occasional hip.

Sam: Ah, hey, come on, you know. This is a chance of a lifetime to play doctor in a real hospital. Now come on.
Diane: It's tempting, it's tempting, but I think not. I'm going to go now and let you rest.
Sam: Yeah. Hey, listen. I don't want you to make too big a deal out of this, but thank you very much for coming. Your visit helped a lot today.
Diane: Well, if we can't reach out in our moment of need, if we can't span the gap that separates each human. If we can't allow...
Sam: Sweetheart, sweetheart, that's what I meant by making too big a deal.
Diane: Okay. Goodbye, Sam.

Sam: Well, what are you back here for?
Jack: Bone spur.
Sam: Yeah. Ouch.
Jack: Sam Malone. I remember seeing you out at Fenway. Yeah. Well, it looks like you've taken pretty good care of yourself.
Sam: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I work at it. You're not looking too shabby there yourself.
Jack: I can do more pushups now than when I was 20.
Sam: Hey, me too, you know. Me too. Really. As a matter of fact, I haven't felt better in my entire life.
Jack: You know, they say a man reaches his sexual peak at 18. Bet some 18-year-old said that, huh?
Sam: Yeah, the nurses cut the ties on my gown here.
Jack: Get out of here!
Sam: No, I'm not kidding!

Jack: Hey, here's my gal now.
Sam: Oh, well.
Jack: Hey, Judy. Judy, I want you to meet Sam Malone. Isn't she something, Sam?
Sam: Sure is. Listen, if you ever wanna dump him, you can make a house call on Sammy here anytime you want.
Jack: Hey, Sam, this is my daughter you're talking to.
Sam: Your daughter, really? Oh, God, I'm sorry.
Jack: It's all right. Come on, honey, let's take a look around, huh?
Judy: Nice to meet you, sir.