‘Dance, Diane, Dance’
Season 5, Episode 12 - Aired December 18, 1986
Diane is led to believe that she is a wonderful balet dancer.
Quote from Diane
Norm: What's the matter? Come on.
Diane: Nothing. You mentioned eternity, and it got me to thinking. "For of all the sad words of tongue or pen, The saddest are these: It might have been."
Norm: Yeah.
Diane: I wonder what might have happened if I had pursued my dream. Who knows? I might have ended up an accomplished ballerina. Now I'll never know.
Quote from Diane
Choreographer: Kirby, please show the lady to the wings.
Diane: Oh, no, no, please. I must prove to you that I indeed belong in your fine fraternity. Kirby!
Choreographer: I'm sorry, miss, but we just don't have time for this right now.
Diane: I don't have much time myself. A dancer's career is not a long one. I'm sorry, but it's true. I have a dream: to be a dancer. And in order for it to come true, you must see me dance. Oh, yes, my technique is not quite as polished as it should be, but is that all there is to art? Mere technique? Or is it not the passion and emotion and pain that lie deep within our souls? For I have that emotion. I have felt that pain. I... I am a feeling person, and I can communicate those feelings to you through dance, so judge me not by what my arms and legs are doing. Judge me by what I make you feel. No, most importantly, judge me for I must dance. Damn it, I must!
Choreographer: Well...
Diane: Oh! Thank you! You won't be disappointed.
[Frasier and Sam appear in the wings and bicker with each other. As Diane prepares to dance, Frasier walks out on the stage and whispers in her ear]
Diane: Never mind.
Quote from Cliff
Leeza: Uh, give her this videotape and this envelope and tell her I'm so sorry.
Sam: Well, I will. Thank you very much.
Frasier: Yes, thank you.
Leeza: Do Svidaniya.
Cliff: "Do Svidaniya", huh? Those Russkies can never leave without slipping in some Soviet propaganda.
Quote from Woody
Norm: Hey, wow, Sammy!
Sam: Woody, Woody, Woody, jump up there and fix the TV. again, will you? [patrons complaining]
Norm: Whoa, whoa! Perfect, Perfect! Don't move!
Cliff: Oh, wait a second, Woody, uh, just a just a minor adjustment.
Sam: That's it!
Woody: Oh, I sure hope this game doesn't go into overtime.
Quote from Diane
Diane: Sam, here's your change.
Sam: Oh, thank you.
Diane: Oh, dear.
Sam: What?
Diane: I can't remember whether or not I left my stove on.
Sam: Oh, boy.
Diane: No, it's off.
Sam: A-ha.
Diane: I think. It's off. Of course it's off. It's on. My apartment's on fire. Still...
Sam: Go, go, go, go, go.
Quote from Carla
Sam: What is this? Come on. Tell us all about it.
Diane: Madame Likova has been visiting Boston and she consented to teach a class at the college. On a caprice, I decided to enroll and I was accepted. Our final session entailed doing a solo performance on videotape.
Carla: Oh, I get it. That way she could puke in the privacy of her own home.
Quote from Norm
Norm: Hey, you guys think, uh, Diane is really that bad of a dancer?
Carla: I don't know. Guess there's no way of ever knowing, is there?
Norm: Yeah, none that I can really think of.
Cliff: Me, uh, neither.
Norm: And who knows if that VCR in Sammy's office even works, you know?
Cliff: There's, uh, there's only one way to find out, you know.
Norm: How's that?
Cliff: Get a tape and, uh, slip it right in there.
Carla: Talk about luck. Here's a tape right here.
Frasier: That's extremely insensitive.
Cliff: No, it's not. No, it's not. It's like driving by the scene of an accident. You don't want to look, but you just can't help yourself.
Norm: Yeah, and in this case you get to play it over and over again.
Quote from Woody
Woody: Hey, that's Miss Chambers.
Sam: Oh, boy.
Woody: Why is she hopping around like that?
Frasier: Well, she's dancing, Woody.
Woody: Get out!
Quote from Woody
Frasier: Being laughed at is going to be the least of Diane's worries. If she ever reads this analysis, she's going to be shattered. Take a look at this thing.
Sam: Oh, boy. "Poor, poor, poor, terrible"
Woody: Ooh, how was her attendance?
Quote from Diane
Diane: Back again. And you'll all be happy to know that my oven was off.
Sam: Ah!
Diane: But I had left the milk out, so it wasn't a wasted trip.