Sam: You- You were all in this together?
Norm: Hey, the whole city of Boston was in on this one, Sam.
Sam: Come on, you're supposed to be on my side.
Woody: It was really funny, Sam.
Sam: Yeah, but you're my pal, man. Come on!
Sam: It was really, really funny!
Carla: Sammy, I told you. I told you we wanted to be on the winning end of a great scam. That was a clue.
Sam: Yeah, but you never really gave that Chinese food thing a chance.

Gary: Hey, too bad you can't get back at me, Malone, but you're a big boy now. You don't want to play pretend 'cause people could get hurt. Whoops! This, I believe, is mine.
Sam: Oh, no, wait! Hey, the game is not over, Gary! Hey, listen, I'm going to find something to scare you. I swear to God I am!
Woody: Here, use this, Sam.
Sam: Ooh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Bloody thumb! Bloody thumb! Whoo! Whoo!

Rebecca: Sam, he just told you he's sick.
Sam: [laughs] She fell for that! [mocking tone] High blood pressure. My wife's in the car waiting for me. [normal voice] Honey, don't you see what he's trying to do? He's getting me to lower my guard. Oh, this is good, this is good. All we got to figure out now is, is something that'll really spook him tonight.
Cliff: Yeah. Yeah.
Norm: Yeah.
Woody: Well, Sam, how about using the old bloody thumb? That's pretty scary.
Sam: Come on, man, forget the old bloody thumb. No chump would fall for that. [Sam screams as he opens the cash register and sees the thumb] Oh, gee!
Woody: Helps to have the right chump.

Matt: Oh, Sam, we'd like you to be a pallbearer.
Sam: Well, why me? I mean, Gary hated me.
Matt: It's a shame you never knew how much he thought of you, Sam. He thrived on your competition. You brought him life.
Woody: Then you took it away.

Carla: All clear in the back, Sammy.
Sam: Yup. Same in the office and the basement. All right, everybody, let's try and stay ready for 'em.
Cliff: Ten-four, Sammy.
Rebecca: Listen to you people. Every Halloween, you go on this ridiculous alert, waiting for Gary and the deadbeats from his bar to come over here and scare you. I mean, you're tense all day, you're checking under the tables, you're even afraid to go to the bathroom.
Norm: Well, we go upstairs to Melville's. Hey, it's once a year.

Sam: I got an idea. Why don't you bring the little fella by the bar? We can, you know, set up candy here and stuff. It'll be fun.
Lilith: Well, I suppose if it's an environment which we know and trust, that would be all right.
Rebecca: I am not serving the little punk, Sam.
Sam: I know. It's all right. Do me a favor. Will you take this over to Table Ten?
Rebecca: Sure... [moans] Oh, God.

Carla: Sammy.
Sam: What?
Carla: Look, we gotta think of something really good.
Norm: Right.
Carla: I mean, just for once, I'd like to be on the winning end of a great scam.
Cliff: Well, uh, just in case, this morning, I happened to put on my Speedos.
Paul: Cliff.
Sam: No, no, no, no.

Gary: Hey, Malone, I'd like to talk to you for a second. [all groaning, booing] Hey, and I'm really, really sorry about this jukebox. That was the vintage one, wasn't it? Here. Uh... Oh, I feel awful. Let me make it up to you.
[As Sam picks up the beer nozzle, music plays through it]
Sam: You're good.
Gary: Yes, I know.

Gary: Here, I'd like to give you a blank check. Whatever the damages, just write it in. And I'd also like to call off all the pranks for tonight.
Sam: What's going on here?
Gary: Well, I went to my doctor today. He says I have abnormally high blood pressure. I'm 225 over 90. Yeah, he also said if I don't start taking it easy soon, I could end up a lot worse, so you see, that's why we got to call off everything for tonight.
Sam: So this is not one of your pranks?
Gary: No, no, no, no. Sam, I'm on the level here, okay? I'm really sorry about everything, guys. A round of beers on me, okay? Just add it to the check, Sam, all right?
Cliff: Thanks, Gary.
Sam: Oh, what are you talking about? Hey, come on, listen. Your health's a lot more important than a bunch of silly pranks.
Gary: Wow, you're really a great guy, Sam. Look, I got to go. My wife's waiting in the car for me. She's gonna take me home. [exits]
Sam: Oh, are we going after him tonight!

Matt: Good morning. I'm Matt, the bartender from over at Gary's.
Sam: Yeah?
Matt: We're all kind of in shock, but I thought I should come by and give you something from Gary.
Sam: This is good. Watch this one.
Carla: Oh, the bowling trophy. Gary's prized possession.
Matt: Gary came back from seeing you yesterday, Sam, and all he could talk about was how concerned you were over his condition. He was pretty touched that after all this time of being rivals, when it counted most, you really cared about him.
Rebecca: That is so sweet and so sad.
Sam: Oh, come on! Give me a break! The guy is probably hanging out around here someplace. Hey, what're you up at Melville's, Gary? Come on down!
Matt: [chuckles] Wow, you are cold, man. I was gonna ask you for a job, but pfft! Forget it now.
Sam: Now, he's good. He is really good.