Rebecca: I always hated this night.
Norm: Why?
Rebecca: Well, when I was a kid, my folks used to move around so much that they never really got to know the neighbors, so they didn't trust them. So when all the other little kids had their costumes on, and they were trick-or-treating, all I was allowed to do was stand at our front door and pass out candies. I could hardly wait till I was an adult, so I could enjoy Halloween, you know, and not spend all my time serving everybody else.
Norm: Ah. That's too bad. Could you pass those pretzels, please?
Rebecca: [moaning] Darn!

Sam: Oh, that's it, man. I'm calling Gary, and I'm telling him that payback is on its way.
[When Sam picks up the phone, music plays again. It stops as he hangs up. He picks up the receiver again and the music resumes.]
Sam: He's good. You know, this is just the beginning, too. He's gonna be doing this all day long. We're gonna have to think of something to really get back at him.
Frasier: Yeah.
Carla: Yeah.
Sam: You know, something that'll make him wish he was never born.
Norm: Absolutely.
Sam: Something so horrible that he'll never set foot in this bar again.
Norm: All right! All right, all right! What are we gonna do?
Sam: Soap his windows!
Norm: You going for, like, a mild irritation sort of thing?
Sam: Oh, all right, all right, all right. You know, that was just my first idea.

Sam: We have a lot of Chinese food delivered to Gary's.
Norm: Yeah?
Sam: And not Moo Shu, just the stuff no one likes. [laughs]
Carla: Yeah?
Sam: Well, and then, you know, have to pay for it and stuff.

Frasier: Maybe you gentlemen should be thinking along the lines of high-tech.
Carla: What do you mean?
Frasier: Well, a hologram. You project a three-dimensional translucent image of some ghoulish apparition right into Gary's, thereby scaring the bejeezus out of 'em.
Norm: Where'd you get that idea?
Frasier: Well, actually, Lilith and her physics friends pulled it on me last year. Geez, I must have pulled out five fistfuls of hair.
Lilith: Hee, hee, hee.

Frasier: Trick or treat, everyone. Well, rather than let Freddy have all the fun, we decided to get dressed up, too.
Norm: Who are you guys supposed to be?
Lilith: See, Frasier, I told you they wouldn't know.
Frasier: Well, I'm Dante Gabriel Rossetti!
Lilith: And I'm his sister, Christina. The Rossettis are our favorite figures from the Pre-Raphaelite Brotherhood.
Cliff: Oh, yeah. The Pre-Raphaelites.
Norm: Yeah?
Cliff: Yeah, a group of 19th century artists and writers who held an almost-childlike submission to nature.
Lilith: That's very good, Cliff. How would you ever come to know that?
Cliff: Ah, I came across it at the library.
Norm: Yeah, going through art books looking for paintings of naked babes, huh?
Cliff: Really liked 'em fat back then, didn't they?

Carla: Oh, boy, do we have a surprise for Gary.
Sam: Those physics guys set up the whole thing; the hologram's incredible.
Frasier: What macabre specter will they be projecting?
Sam: Carla's disembodied head floating over the bar. [muttering approval]
Cliff: Scary, huh, Norm?
Norm: Yeah.
Cliff: What would you do if you saw Carla's disembodied head floating over the bar?
Norm: What I always do. Call a cab and go home.

Frasier: Oh, my Lord! That would scare even the most heartiest soul.
Norm: Oh It's like being in a haunted house, isn't it? A haunted house with free taps.
Sam: I can't wait for Gary to see this. He's gonna really freak out. [chuckles] Oh, here he is now.
Carla: Wow! He was so scared he passed out.
Sam: Gee, I wonder what we should do.
Frasier: Well, I think the responsible thing to do would be to bring him to and then, uh, run. [all laugh]
Carla: Hey, guys, what if the blood pressure stuff was true? I mean, that could be dangerous.
Sam: Oh, come on, give me a break. He was faking. He's probably faking now. Come on, Gary, get up.
Frasier: I don't think he can, Sam. I don't feel a pulse.
Sam: Oh, come on, you got to be kidding.
Frasier: No, Sam. Gary's dead.

Sam: Good morning!
Cliff: Morning, Sam. It's a dark day.
Sam: Oh, come on. You don't really believe that Gary's dead, do you? [gasps] Do you?
Frasier: I beg your pardon. You were there. You saw with your own eyes what happened.
Sam: This is Gary we're talking about. You can't trust him. Ever. He's pulling a stunt.
Carla: But the police and the coroner confirmed it, Sam.
Sam: Oh, no. No, he- he could've hired them to trick us.
Frasier: Sam, I realize that Gary's death is very traumatic for you and you're- you're obviously in denial.
Sam: No, I am not. I can't believe you guys. I'll tell you what. I'll believe he's dead as soon as they bury him.
Woody: [enters] Gary's funeral's at 2:00 this afternoon.
Sam: This is a good one. This is a good one.

Woody: Life is so unfair.
Frasier: Yes, Woody, very often we feel that way when someone close to us passes on.
Woody: I'm talking about the pumpkin carving contest. I mean, it had to be fixed. You should've seen the winner. Teeth going every which way, uneven eyes, stupid nose. You should have seen this kid's pumpkin.

Sam: I feel so empty.
Woody: [crying] Excuse me. [Woody continues crying as he walks into the back room]
Sam: Woody, come, come back here. Oh, come on, Woody. God, it's all my fault. Hey, Woody, come on, man. You, you don't want to cry by yourself in there. Come on, come on, man. Come on, listen, hey, hey, listen to me. Listen to me. We all feel bad.
Gary: [crying continues] Do you, Malone? Do you really? [laughs] Trick or treat!