‘Visiting Ours’
Season 1, Episode 6 - Aired December 7, 2003
Michael needs Gob's help to get information about the international account from George Sr.'s former secretary. Meanwhile, Michael arranges a conjugal visit between his mother and father.
Quote from Lucille
Michael: Hey, Mom. I went to visit Dad today. Quick question. How long does it take you to get out there?
Lucille: Oh, I've never been.
Michael: Then why does he tell me that you've never been?
Lucille: [belches] Ooh. Sorry, Michael. Pool food. My system's not used to curly fries.
Quote from Lucille
Michael: Uh, listen, l-l-I think that, um I think that you should... Oh, I can't believe I'm gonna say this. I think that you should visit him in an intimate marital trailer.
Lucille: Are you mad?
Michael: You think I'm comfortable asking you to do this? I mean, he needs you, Mom.
Lucille: Did he say that? Did he say that he misses me? Does he need his wife's embrace?
[flashback:]
George Sr.: Daddy horny, Michael.
[present:]
Michael: He said some wonderful things.
Lucille: You really want this for him, don't you?
Michael: I do.
Lucille: "Golf membership" want it?
Quote from Lucille
George Sr.: Thank you for doing this. It means a... It means a lot. I, uh... Okay, I'll get down on the couch.
Lucille: I'm not going to have sex with you, George. I came to tell you how much I hate you for what you've done to this family.
George Sr.: You're angry.
Lucille: You've ruined us.
George Sr.: I've ruined us? You got a lot of nerve, honey. The millions you pissed away on clothing and jewelry and spa treatments-
Lucille: Yes, to keep you interested in the only thing you ever appreciated was my body.
George Sr.: Can I help it if you've got a fantastic body?
Lucille: And you're as powerful as a bear. My husband the bear.
George Sr.: This bear needs some honey, wife.
Lucille: Oh, God, I missed you!
Quote from Gob
Narrator: Gob, meanwhile, stalled to keep Kitty in the other trailer.
Gob: Glasses off. Glasses on. Hair up. Glasses off. Down, on. Have we done up, off?
Kitty: Oh, Gob, this is so wrong.
Gob: And bright. Wrong a-and bright. This... That's be- Brighter! God! Damn. I'm just gonna wash up real quick.
Kitty: Uh, I think I'm gonna go with with down and off.
Narrator: Gob had to do the right thing. But as he headed to his car, he ran into the warden who hadjust read his strongly worded letter.
Prison Warden: Well, if it isn't "Sincerely Yours."
Narrator: And so Gob was detained against the window of the trailer his parents were becoming intimate in.
Gob: [wails] Oh, God, Mommy! What did you do?
Quote from George Sr.
Narrator: Michael Bluth was visiting his father in prison anxious to get to the bottom of some mysterious bookkeeping.
Michael: It just doesn't make any sense, Dad. I mean, where did this money come from? Why did it end up in the international accounts file?
Narrator: George Sr. was also anxious, but less about the bookkeeping.
George Sr.: This game is never gonna happen. Look at this, half of these guys are still in their cuffs.
Michael: I hate to be a buzzkill, but I'm trying to get you out of here.
George Sr.: Well, I'm trying to get us out of last place, Michael. We're playing Rahway next week. Word has it that they're getting Jose Canseco.
Quote from Michael
Narrator: Michael returned to work where his assistant, Kitty, greeted him with some startling news.
Kitty: Your wife's on line one.
Narrator: Michael's wife had been dead for two years.
Michael: My what?
Narrator: Kitty realized her mistake.
Kitty: I said, your wife is on line one.
Narrator: But not immediately.
Kitty: Oh! Oh, God. I'm sorry. George's wife. Your mother. I'm so used to being George's assistant.
Narrator: Kitty had been George Sr.'s fiercely loyal assistant for years. And Michael suspected that she had the information he needed.
Michael: Hey, Kitty, listen, you wouldn't know if we had any documentation on these international accounts, would you?
Kitty: That's actually not any of your business. My business. That's not any of my business.
Quote from Gob
Kitty: Gob? I wish I would've known you were coming. I am a mess.
Gob: Don't know if a call from me would've changed that.
Kitty: Do you like my outfit?
Gob: Not as much as I like what's underneath it.
Kitty: Gob!
Gob: No, I need your chair. Get up. I've got a letter to write.
Kitty: Whoo! You're all business. Just like your dad.
Gob: [to Michael] My God, she's repulsive.
Quote from Maeby
Tobias: Okay, kids, Mommy and Daddy are going out for ice cream.
Maeby: Can we come?
Lindsay: Sorry. It's not for kids.
Maeby: Well, now we have to follow them.
George Michael: Yeah. What?
Quote from Gob
Kitty: Here's where we keep all of our heavyweight paper.
Gob: Bet you can show me where a lot of things are.
Kitty: What kind of things are you looking for?
Gob: What, uh... What are you hiding?
Kitty: Nothing you can't find.
Gob: Wait a second. Wait, wait, wait. Take off your glasses. Oh. Wait, wait. Let down your hair. No. Glasses on. Hair back up. Let's just get that hair right back up.
Kitty: Do you want me to turn all the lights off?
Gob: Yes, yes, please.
Kitty: How's that? Is that better?
Gob: It just seems like there's still light coming in from under the door.
Quote from George Sr.
Narrator: In fact, George Sr.'s softball game had taken most of the day. It was the 14th inning, and tensions were running a little high.
George Sr.: [to the guard] I'll give you a thousand bucks, you call the next one a strike. My knees are killing me.
No batter!