Michael: I'm wondering if you can keep some of the more piercing profanities down when the 90-year-old fitness buff gets here?
Lucille: You know, Michael, I was happy to call Uncle Jack for you but that's as much as I'm going to do. If you know what I mean. I need a more vital man.
Uncle Jack: [o.s.] Someone order 140 pounds of upper-body strength?
Michael: Well, he certainly sounds vital to me.

Lindsay: Boy, that Dragon's cute, huh?
Michael: What, the deaf giant who's holding our fake uncle?
Lindsay: He's been flirting with me all night. I was thinking maybe it would be best for the family if I went on that romance thing with Drag instead of Tobias, which would be a drag. [chuckles]
Michael: Yeah, that's just the kind of joke Drag can't hear.

Narrator: Michael had offered his sister to his Uncle Jack in exchange for money to save the company. Remember, it's not their real uncle.

Narrator: And Michael told his father the good news about Uncle Jack.
George Sr.: You are pimping out your sister?
Michael: You were pimping out my mother.
George Sr.: Yes, because she was sleeping with my brother, but your sister?
Michael: Everything's gonna be fine. No one's gonna get hurt. No one is going to get hurt.

Gob: Lucille! Michael? Michael?
Michael: What are you doing here?
Buster: Following Lucille 2. She's with Sitwell.
Gob: She probably figured that we'd never track her. But we lost her. Everyone put on white robes and outsmarted us.
[flashback to Gob and Buster storming into Lindsay and Uncle Jack's tent:]
Gob: Lucille! Lindsay? [Uncle Jack grunts] Lindsay.
[present:]
Tobias: Wait, wait, wait. Lindsay's here? With two men?
Buster: Sort of one and a half.

Lindsay: Tobias, I never thought you'd ever fight for me.
Tobias: I had no idea a 90-year-old man could cave in my chest cavity like that.
Lindsay: Dragon, would you mind carrying my husband to the car?