Lucille: I'll have the Ike and Tina Tuna.
Waitress: Plate or platter?
Lucille: I don't understand the question, and I won't respond to it.

Lupe: Good-bye, Missus. [Lucille searches Lupe's handbag]
Michael: Well, Lindsay, you'll be happy to know that I have a new idea. I met a publicist today. I'm gonna hire her. We need somebody to make us look good.
Lucille: And I say it's a waste of money. We're plenty sympathetic as we are. [to Lupe] Is this your onion?
Lupe: Yes.
Lucille: What's in the foil?
Lupe: Nothing. It's a ball of foil for my son.
Lucille: Have a great day, sweetie.
Michael: I don't know how she can't.

George Sr.: [on TV] I didn't quite hear that. The reception is bad. But as the Talmud tells us... [static] to the jackal as to an oxen. [laughs] Did it get a laugh?

Narrator: Each with their new charge the Bluths set about redefining their image. Tobias was off to Los Angeles International Airport determined to return to his family with a career.
Tobias: Well, this is great. Why would anybody take a limo? What is this, like, $12?
[later, with two young passengers in the van:]
Tobias: Why would anybody pay more than $12 to go to the airport? Next stop, LAX.
[later, with another group also in the van:]
Tobias: Come on! We're stopping again? How many more stops are we gonna make? Honestly, I haven't even seen this part of Los Ang- Is that snow?

Tobias: Really, now. This is ridiculous. I paid 12 American- Oh, my God. You are Carl Weathers, the actor. I went to San Francisco to attend your stage fighting workshop. But you never showed up.
Carl Weathers: I got bumped from that flight. Hell, they'll give you $300 if you get bumped. It's this crazy loophole in the system that the wrong guy discovered. Guess where I won't be going. [chuckles]
Tobias: Yeah. So... I am an actor too.
Carl Weathers: Oh. Good.
Tobias: Well, I want to be. Without the proper training, I'm afraid I'm doomed to be a doctor.
Carl Weathers: Well, hell, I can train you.
Tobias: Oh, well, I'm afraid all I have is $1,100 and that's for this plane ticket, so...
Carl Weathers: Check this out. $1,100 is exactly what I charge for acting classes.
Tobias: No, it isn't!
Carl Weathers: Yeah.
Tobias: Well, what are the chance... [chuckles] Universe, you've done it again.

Narrator: Michael Bluth was taking his son to an interview at the prestigious Milford School, an institution once famous for its credo that children should be "neither seen nor heard."

Waitress: And what would you like?
Lindsay: I'd like my old life back.

Michael: Nonetheless, this bad press is starting to taint my son's future and we've got to put an end to it.
Lindsay: Michael, if this is a lecture on how we're all supposed to whatever and blah, blah, blah... Well, you can save it 'cause we all know it by heart.

Lucille: Get away from my son!
Michael: Hey, Mom. Kind of on a date here.
Lucille: You'll change your mind after this.
Narrator: And Michael saw the story that Jessie had planted.
Lucille: Let me tell you something, sweetie. We may pick on each other, get into little scrapes, call each other names and occasionally steal from each other... but that's because we're a family. You have no right. You don't get to do that.

Narrator: With her blood sugar at a perilous low, Lucille made Lindsay pull into the nearest restaurant.
Waitress: Welcome to Klimpy's! Anywhere you like!
Lucille: This does not bode well.