Tobias Quote #28

Quote from Tobias in Public Relations

Tobias: Really, now. This is ridiculous. I paid 12 American- Oh, my God. You are Carl Weathers, the actor. I went to San Francisco to attend your stage fighting workshop. But you never showed up.
Carl Weathers: I got bumped from that flight. Hell, they'll give you $300 if you get bumped. It's this crazy loophole in the system that the wrong guy discovered. Guess where I won't be going. [chuckles]
Tobias: Yeah. So... I am an actor too.
Carl Weathers: Oh. Good.
Tobias: Well, I want to be. Without the proper training, I'm afraid I'm doomed to be a doctor.
Carl Weathers: Well, hell, I can train you.
Tobias: Oh, well, I'm afraid all I have is $1,100 and that's for this plane ticket, so...
Carl Weathers: Check this out. $1,100 is exactly what I charge for acting classes.
Tobias: No, it isn't!
Carl Weathers: Yeah.
Tobias: Well, what are the chance... [chuckles] Universe, you've done it again.

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 ‘Public Relations’ Quotes

Quote from Lucille

Lucille: I'll have the Ike and Tina Tuna.
Waitress: Plate or platter?
Lucille: I don't understand the question, and I won't respond to it.

Quote from Lucille

Lupe: Good-bye, Missus. [Lucille searches Lupe's handbag]
Michael: Well, Lindsay, you'll be happy to know that I have a new idea. I met a publicist today. I'm gonna hire her. We need somebody to make us look good.
Lucille: And I say it's a waste of money. We're plenty sympathetic as we are. [to Lupe] Is this your onion?
Lupe: Yes.
Lucille: What's in the foil?
Lupe: Nothing. It's a ball of foil for my son.
Lucille: Have a great day, sweetie.
Michael: I don't know how she can't.

 Tobias Funke Quotes

Quote from Exit Strategy

Tobias: I'm afraid I might not be able to be deposed either. I got a call out of the blue for a chance to play a very important part in The Prosecution.
Michael: The prosecution called you?
Tobias: I assume it's a CBS procedural. Although they didn't send sides, so I thought I'd trot out a Vagina Monologue, or something else I know. And they did ask for old photos and documents so I went and got these out of the secret room.
Michael: The prosecution is not a TV show. It's clearly somebody in the D.A.'s office trying to get you to flip. These guys will bend the law to enforce the law.
Tobias: Tell me that's not a CBS franchise.

Quote from The Immaculate Election

Narrator: Lindsay was about to find a replacement for Lupe as well.
Lucille: Who is it?
Tobias: [o.s.] [high-pitched voice; British accent] The new housekeeper. The agency sent me over.
Lucille: I'm sorry. I didn't call any-
Tobias: [enters] Oh, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Phyllidia Featherbottom and I can cook and I can clean and I can take care of the little ones. I can also, uh, sing a song or two, if it comes in handy. [sings] When you put a squirt of frosting down your throat Before we take our medications...
Narrator: Tobias had gained access to the studio's wardrobe and makeup department. He was eager to both see his daughter and prove to his wife that he had what it took to be an actor. It was the exact plot of the film Mrs. Doubtfire.
Tobias: In the most delicious way...
Narrator: There was also some Mary Poppins in there.
Lindsay: Let's get this house cleaned.