Michael: You're not doing any of that "My name is Judge" stuff on the stand, okay?
Gob: No! They're all out of magazines at the hospital. Besides, I've got a better idea.
Narrator: Which he got at the hospital.
[flashback to Gob standing by Dr. Farmer as he dictated his notes:]
Dr. Farmer: Patient presented with gastric bacterial infection, coupled with peptic ulcers. Tetracycline should not be administered due to allergies..
[present:]
Gob: Check this out! You'll say, "Who's this little friend?" And I'll say, "Well, he's not really feeling that well." And you'll say, "Oh, what's wrong the this little guy." And he'll say...
Dr. Farmer: [on tape] Patient presented with gastric bacterial infection.
Gob: Wow. Sounds like you could use some "tricyclene."
Dr. Farmer: [on tape] Tetracycline should not be administered due to allergies.
Michael: Your lips are still moving, and you stole the doctor's tape recorder?
Gob: Just the tape.

Narrator: So, Michael went back to the hospital when he had a visit from the real prosecutor.
Michael: Wayne, what you doing here?
Wayne Jarvis: We heard about the trial. We want to make a deal with you.
Michael: A deal? It's a mock trial.
Wayne Jarvis: Read the Patriot Act: "Anything said in a mock trial or daytime courtroom show can be used in any real criminal proceeding, or prime-time procedural show, subject to the interpretation of the presiding judge, or the executive producer."
Michael: In our case, Judge Reinhold is both.
Wayne Jarvis: Did he get E.P.?
Michael: Sure did.
Wayne Jarvis: Good for him. Anyway, you put your dad on the stand, get him talking, and you get full immunity. If you don't do it, we're going to go after N. Bluth, and we think that's you.
Michael: You're asking me to conspire against my own client. Couldn't you go to jail for that?
Wayne Jarvis: Think about it, Michael, it may be time to cut and run.
Michael: Well, we don't do that in my family.
[Maeby runs out of the hospital in her wedding dress]

Narrator: The proceedings got underway, and the Bluths set about pretending they were a family that sticks together.
Jan Eagleman: You never heard anyone in your family discuss plans to either travel to Iraq, or do business there?
Tobias: Well, I spend so much time making sweet love on my wife, that it's hard to hear anything over the clatter of her breasts and...
Jan Eagleman: Your witness.
Michael: I have nothing.

Gob: Yes! I got him in the system.
Michael: You did this on purpose?
Gob: Oh, yeah. He is re-dyed, rested and ready to work. Thought it'd be a good way to get some press. Oh, I got to tell Franklin.
Michael: I think he meant "get Franklin."

Michael: More significantly, they've put an N. Bluth on the witness list.
Gob: [as Franklin] I hope that doesn't stand for what I think it stands for. [normal voice] Whoa, I did not say that.
Michael: You did, Gob. Your mouth moved, your hand didn't.
Gob: Oh. Well, I should work on that.

George Sr.: Oh, please, you'd be a lousy attorney. The first piece of evidence against us, you'd run for the hills. No, Jan is interested. She carries a lot of weight, and she is not charging us anything.
Gob: [as Franklin] Like to see a whore who that! [normal voice] Not the "carrying the weight" part, but on the other hand, if it's free.

George Sr.: She wants us to do a mock trial, sort of a dry run, just get us ready.
Michael: Well, I guess we could all use some experience in the courtroom. Fine, I'll go check her out, but I'll tell you all right now no one is going to lie on that stand.
George Sr.: And no one is going to betray the family.
Buster: [humming]
Narrator: Buster was nervous. That's what all the rocking and humming was about.

George Sr.: [panting] I got here as soon as I could. Oh, the red tape.
Michael: Looks a little bit more like Red Prawn, Dad.
George Sr.: It's the shrimp fest. Oh, the shrimp.

Lucille: Wait, not The Judge Reinhold Show from all those magazine ads. They're all over the place. Look at this.
Judge Reinhold: [magazine sound effect] My name is Judge.
Gob: I didn't even know that this kind of technology even existed. I could use this in my ventriloquism act. They have a bar here?

Gob: Check this out. My lips don't move. They call me up to the stand, say something like, "Who's this little friend?" And he'll say-
Judge Reinhold: [sound effect] My name is Judge.
Gob: Who's name is Judge?
Judge Reinhold: My name is-
Gob: Okay. That's a silly name.
Michael: That's enough.
Judge Reinhold: ...Judge. My name...
Gob: Yes, I am judging your name. It am silly.
Michael: Please stop.
Gob: Oh, now you're correcting my grammar?
Michael: Gob, not going to put Franklin on the stand, and your lips are moving just a little bit.
Judge Reinhold: Judge.
Gob: He's right, his name is Judge now.