Barbara: [to camera] I have been through this many times before. [Gregory and Janine shouting "Kenny!"] The worst was 2005. A child by the name of August got lost in The Hershey Factory, looking for a chocolate river. Mnh!

Mr. Johnson: [aside to camera] I love field trips. I get to do Mr. Johnson's Day Off. That's when I watch Ferris Bueller's Day Off, which is a movie about a depressed kid who murder his father's Ferrari.
[Ava takes a group of kids to Mr. Johnson's custodial closet:]
Ava: Mr. Johnson, sorry to interrupt whatever this is, but these kids need to stay with you.
Mr. Johnson: Well, looks like Ava switched this day from Ferris Bueller's Day Off to The Breakfast Club. Life moves pretty fast, and if you don't stop every once in a while to take a look, you might...
Ava: Missed one. [chuckles]
Mr. Johnson: Come on in.

Bird Trainer: And it helps with the search for food.
Ava: [grabs microphone] And that's why you don't feed a bird any meat, kids, because then they'll revert back into a T.
Rex. Now, who wants to go on a real tour?! Come on! I'm about to show y'all how I do.

Jacob: Is that a water ice?
Melissa: I was looking for the kid while I was getting it.

Ava: Janine, there can't be any mishaps. I didn't exactly "fill out" the paperwork for the school district.
Janine: Wait. Then why are we going?
Ava: 'Cause I wanna go to the zoo, so keep your man in check.

Janine: Is Kenny okay?
Gregory: Yeah, he's... just a little nervous about going into second grade.
Janine: Oh, I get it. New experiences can be tough.
Gregory: Which I get. I remember the first time I had clam chowder. 'Cause it was yesterday, and it was awful.

Barbara: All right, now, has everybody used the bathroom? This is your last chance!
Taylor: Were we this crazy when I was in your class?
Barbara: No. And I blame Real Housewives. The kids watch with their mothers, and every season, a new beast is created.

Melissa: Okay, kids, come on. Let's play a game called "How many animals do you spot on the way to getting Ms. Schemmenti a hot pretzel?"

Bird Trainer: And that is how birds are related to dinosaurs.
Children: Ooh!
Ava: Theropods, to be exact, which means they're bipedal. Come on. Do your job, son.

Mr. Johnson: [reads] "Dear Mr. Johnson, we know we couldn't go to the zoo because we didn't have signed permission slips. But we think it's bananas to make us write about "what superhero is our favorite..."
Chad: Because our real heroes are our teachers. They don't have cool powers like Spider-Man or invisible cars like Wonder Woman... ...some of them can't afford cars... But they still are our heroes. Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours, The Abbott Elementary Breakfast Club.
Mr. Johnson: That's trash.