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Ava vs. Superintendent

‘Ava vs. Superintendent’

Season 1, Episode 12 -  Aired April 5, 2022

Janine and Gregory help Ava prepare a presentation to the school board as Abbott Elementary's discretionary funds run out. Meanwhile, Melissa is offended when Barbara suggests blackmail is best left to people like her.

Quote from Barbara

Barbara: Well, my suggestion to all of you is to enjoy your free periods while you can. Because music class will be going bye-bye-bye like Blackstreet Boyz II Men.
Janine: Mm, mnh, no. Wrong in like three ways.

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Quote from Melissa

Melissa: So, our girl really did a good job, huh?
Superintendent Collins: Surprisingly, yes.
Janine: Ooh! So we get the funding we need?
Superintendent Collins: No, of course not. As long as Ava's at Abbott and I'm the superintendent, you never will. She blackmailed me. It's kind of hard to get over being blackmailed.
Melissa: You know, he's not wrong. I haven't spoken to my blackmailer in two years. Do I miss my sister? Yeah, every day.

Quote from Barbara

Barbara: I know we need the money. And I have applied for that Advancement Grant for 10 years now. I just don't want to compromise my morals to get it.
Jacob: Look, while I admire that you've applied years in a row, have you heard that saying about the definition of insanity?
Barbara: Have you ever heard the saying that I will pop you upside your head if you imply that I am insane?

Quote from Ava

Ava: And that brings me to my last chart...
[A horizontal bar chart on the screen has the months January - October labeled on the Y axis and a range of 0 - 40 on the X axis]
Superintendent Collins: What are we looking at here?
Ava: Well, there's no words on it, but... it's going up! That can't be too bad. Or too good! [chuckles]
Superintendent Collins: Based on what you've shown us so far, what metrics are your funding targets keyed to?
Ava: Thank God you brought that up. I was like, "I hope he asks about Target and whatnot," 'cause I have another slide...
Superintendent Collins: You know what? I thi... I think we've seen all we need to see here today. Thanks for coming in.
Ava: But I... I...
Superintendent Collins: Look, that's your time, not even including the five minutes you took when you got a paper cut.

Quote from Ava

Ava: Look, I know you all want me to talk about pie charts and cake graphs, but that's not the entire story. Yeah, discretionary funds can be used to nurture students artistically so they can grow up and do that graffiti that bougie people don't get mad at.
Superintendent Collins: You mean a mural?
Ava: That's it. But what you don't see is how I make sure that forgetful students get supplies. Or how I help students with broke parents get uniforms that fit so they don't get roasted all day. Or how I have barrels of lotion stashed all around the school so these kids don't start a commotion with their crusty ankles. My unique approach to these funds betters the school.
Superintendent Collins: Yes, we all understand the importance of moisturization, but your time is up. [Jacob gasps as the door opens]
Ava: No. Y'all not about to rush me out of here like I'm Lil Mama at the VMAs.
Jacob: Psst! Hey. It's open.
Ava: Because you know what? No matter what happens to me, Abbott will be fine. Because the teachers that work there are some of the most dedicated, hardworking, and creative teachers in this entire city.
Barbara: You tell 'em, Ava! [door slams shut]
Ava: And it's not like y'all been making it rain up in here. We've been taking appetizer money and giving these kids a charcuterie experience. Don't give us the money because we need it. Give it to us because everyone at Abbott deserves it.
Superintendent Collins: Well, thank you, Principal Coleman. Uh, that was a very... passionate plea.

Quote from Gregory

Gregory: [aside to camera] Since I've been here, Ava's biggest improvements to the school include renaming the Wi-Fi network "Bad Bitches Only" and using field-trip money to put 26-inch rims on one of the buses. Is it how I'd do the job? No. But the school does deserve to have this money.

Quote from Gregory

Gregory: [aside to camera] Maybe the best thing for the school in the long run is for her to fail and they get a new principal. Not necessarily me. Just a new one. Who... is like me.

Quote from Gregory

Janine: The kids just love Ms. Davis' class, so it takes a while to get them back, and then everything runs a little late. You know, normally, I'd be bothered by my kids being obsessed with another teacher, but I get it.
Jacob: My class? Also Davis devotees.
Janine: Mm.
Jacob: Only way she could be cooler is if she were related to Angela. [Barbara looks up in confusion] Not that I think all black people are related.
Gregory: Well, maybe you do. Maybe that was your subconscious speaking. What would Angela Davis think?

Quote from Melissa

Barbara: Yeah, well, maybe this will be the year where the school board finally awards me that Advancement Grant that I have been applying to for years.
Melissa: They will if we make them. Just like a little... gentle arm-twisting.
Barbara: A little arm twist never hurt.
Melissa: [gasps] This is so exciting. Oh, my God. I'm gonna go to the mall right after school and get a new shakedown sweater.

Quote from Ava

Ava: Our test scores have been good. But not too good. And definitely not bad. Uh, the same goes for our attendance rates. They have been exactly where they should be to inspire confidence while also leaving room for improvement. Any questions? [Superintendent Collins raises his hand] Never mind. There's no time for questions. I still have, uh, 13 more slides.

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