Barbara: Oh, you have been dealt an impossible situation.
Melissa: Aw, come on. Nothing's impossible for us.
Barbara: I have known you a long time, and you are an amazing teacher. This is no reflection of your teaching ability.
Melissa: Yeah, but, you know, you said it yourself. I got this.
Barbara: I believe in you, so I know that you could, but just because you could doesn't mean you should, and I shouldn't have made you feel that way. Huh! Give me two classes, girl, I'd be in Jamaica. Mm!

Melissa: Yeah, there was a moment when I mentally transported to Capt'n Chucky's Crab Cakes in Ocean City.
Barbara: Aww. This school district offers you absolutely nothing, and the mere fact that they are offering you something is all the proof that you need.
Melissa: Yeah, maybe having an aide wouldn't be so bad.
Barbara: And in the meantime, I know exactly what you need.
Melissa: A bathtub full of Prosecco.
Barbara: A laugh.
Melissa: ... [flatly] Okay.

Gregory: [sighs] I hope all the kids aren't here today. Yesterday, everybody was in attendance, and it almost broke me.
Janine: That's what happens when you enforce a "no nose picking" policy. I'm behind on lesson plans, but it's too early in the year to show movies.
Barbara: I'm doing LEGO day to catch up. The kids love it. I always end up with LEGO toe.
Melissa: Exactly. I've bought so many packs, LEGO owes me a sponsorship already.

Ava: Anyway, here's a reminder that some goofy group is coming through to do camp songs or something, so check the schedule to see when your class is up.
Jacob: Holy Shakespeare! [gasps] [imitating sword slicing]
Ava: Jacob, we can't afford for you to have a seizure during school hours. [laughs]
Jacob: [chuckles] Guys! These are the Story Samurai, okay? They're a storytelling group that goes all up and down the East Coast improvising plays based on the kids' ideas. [chuckles] I used to be in it.
Barbara: Of course you were, sweetheart.
[aside to camera:]
Jacob: The Story Samurai are like a book come to life, okay? But the pages are the performance and the illustrations are, like, the lyrics. We help the kids see that everyone is a story, okay? Look, I don't condone violence, but it slaps.

Janine: I think it sounds amazing, Jacob.
Melissa: I love it when they come. You get to drop your kids off at the auditorium for an hour and just catch up on work.
Barbara: That part.
Gregory: Oh, well, then I may be a really big fan of these Samurai-sitters.
Jacob: You're gonna want to see this. It's... It's not like some wack puppet show. Plus, this is like a whole new tour. It's gonna be brand-new material. It's very subversive, you know? And really cool. Like me. [silence] Janine, Gregory, y'all pulling up?
Janine: Yeah.
Gregory: I'll walk over.
Jacob: Yeah.

Barbara: I can't wait until it's my class's turn. Mr. Johnson just told me that they've got some white boy doing the Malcolm X Games.
Janine: Oh, my God.
Mr. Johnson: He did an ollie and said, "Plymouth Rock didn't land on me, dude." [laughter]

Ava: [over P.A.] Big news, Abbott Elementarians! I am calling an all-school assembly so that we can watch our own Mr. Hill perform with the Story Samurai. It'll be like watching The Game perform one night only with G-Unit.

Ava: I'm so excited about your performance. I'm stretching so I don't throw my back out laughing... I mean, learning. [giggles] Are you ready to swing your story sword?
Jacob: Yes. And, uh, you're gonna be live streaming the whole thing?
Ava: Oh, yeah! It's gonna open a whole new corner of TikTok for me.
Jacob: Well, I so appreciate you using your platform to amplify our message.

Janine: Hey, Jacob. You aren't performing, are you? Because we already talked about it. And remember? No upstaging the Samurai.
Jacob: Yeah, but it's a whole school assembly now, and, you know, the kids are gonna be expecting to see me, so, uh...
Ava: Yeah, he don't want to let all those kids down, Janine.
Janine: [whispers] I know what you're doing!
Ava: Good, 'cause I worry about your awareness.

Ava: He just ruined my favorite Erykah Badu song.