[separately to camera:]
Jacob: You do not hit a kid. It's like the one thing you don't do.
Melissa: You could threaten them.
Barbara: You can yell at them.
Melissa: Threaten the parents.
Jacob: Mildly embarrass them.
Melissa: I threatened a grandfather once.
Jacob: You just don't kick a kid.

Jacob: I think maybe we should alert the school district to this. I mean, a child was harmed.
Ava: Hey! H-Harmed? I handled this. No need to let them know that a child was harmed on my wa... [looks at camera] on the school's watch, to be clear.
Janine: Ava, this is not handled. There is a 70-year-old custodian who voted for Kanye teaching social studies right now. We need help. Look, I know we don't have any money...
Ava: Okay! Alright, I'll make a small emergency budget request to the district, and you guys can get pencils and hire aides or whatever else you need.
Janine: So even rugs?
Ava: Sure! Just e-mail a request.
Janine: Okay, I can... I can write an e-mail.
Ava: [looks at camera] Another day in principal life. ♪ I believe the children are our future ♪

Jacob: Yes! My dude.
[Jacob chuckles as Gregory meets his open arms with a handshake, not a hug]
Jacob: Oh, yeah. Yeah. Keepin' it profesh. I like that. I'm Jacob. It's nice to see another male teacher in here.
Barbara: Hmm!
Jacob: There's not a lot of us. Hey, now I got somebody to talk sports with. You like women's tennis? Or, as I call it, you know, regular tennis.

Janine: [screams] Random man! Child pants! Security!
Gregory: Oh, no! No, no, no, no, no! I'm... I'm Gregory, the, uh... the sub for Ms. Schwartz.
Janine: Okay. Oh.
Gregory: Yeah.
Janine: But that's still not explaining the pants. Security!
Gregory: Hold on. Hold on. Wait, wait, wait. Okay, one of my kids had to go to the bathroom, so I brought him, but then he accidentally went on himself.
Janine: Oh! Okay.
Gregory: And I tried to flush the toilet, and the water shot back up in the air. And then I'm...
Janine: Oh, God. No one told you about Reversy Toilet then? Okay.
Gregory: No. Why is that even a thing?

Janine: I'll be back for her, and I have some spare clothes for him in my room. I will get him changed and then send him back to you, alright?
Gregory: Oh, w-wait. What was your name?
Janine: Oh. Silly me. I'm Janine. So, nice to meet you. [offers hand] Oh, sorry, pee.
Gregory: There's vomit.
Janine: Yeah. Um, make a wish. [both laugh] Okay, welcome to our school.
Gregory: Okay. Thanks.
Janine: It's okay. Everyone pees, you know?
[aside to camera:]
Gregory: Yeah, that was disgusting, but she seems nice. Is that me? [sniffs]

Janine: I wanted to get your expert, classy eye on my rug request e-mail to Ava.
Barbara: Janine, we are not getting new rugs. We are not getting anything.
Janine: Barbara, have some faith. Ava literally said she'll get us whatever we need.
Barbara: Janine, I have been working in the Philadelphia School District for 20 years, and Ava is just the latest in a long line of people who do absolutely nothing. Just do your job.
Janine: But this is me doing my job. I think the job means trying to make things better.
Barbara: And I think the job is working with what you've got so you don't get let down.
Ava: [intercom beeps] [over intercom] Good morning, teachers. During passing, please come to the front entrance for a special announcement about some much-needed improvements to the school that I made happen.
Janine: Yes! Oh, did you hear that?! Optimism wins again! [gasps] "Oh, thank you, Janine." No problem, Ms. Howard. "You're doing your job so well, I see a little bit of me in you." You do? 'Cause I always felt we had a lot in common. "Oh, Janine, ♪ You're so lovely ♪"

Janine: This is ridiculous. She has gone too far. Somebody needs to do something. I...
Jacob: Yes, yes. Somebody should do something.
Janine: You know what? I'm gonna do something.
Jacob: Okay. Alright. Whatever you do, I will cosign it.
Janine: Yes!
Jacob: That is how change works... someone does something, and somebody cosigns it.

Janine: [aside to camera] Ava can't win here, because if she wins, then Barbara's right. And if Barbara's right, then what does that say about me? I mean, am I even a Sagittarius?

Ava: You're right. It should be someone who knows her better. Jacob, Barbara?
Jacob: Well, her hair is...
Barbara: Absolutely not.
Jacob: Yeah, absolutely not.

Jacob: I believe it was Brother Cornel West...
Barbara: Don't.
Janine: Not right now.
Melissa: Don't!