Gregory: Okay, best thing to do in these situations is just stay calm and...
Ava: Okay! This is it, y'all! The end times! It's three months early, but it's happening!
Janine: Aah! Don't shake the ladder!
Ava: Gregory is the only person that can stay in my bunker, so stop asking.
[aside to camera:]
Ava: Hell yeah, I'm a doomsday prepper. [scoffs] Why wouldn't I be? I don't know why more people aren't. Have you seen Train to Busan? With the fast-ass zombies? [scoffs] That day is coming. That day soon come.

Ava: Y'all feel this heat? Oh, my God! She pale like a zombie! You know, they eat the hottest people first. Let me back my tasty ass up.

Barbara: [aside to camera] Now, I'm a proud, married, Christian woman, and I love my husband. But there's something about that Jim Gardner. That non-regional diction.

[aside to camera:]
Mr. Johnson: I like the news, because that's when I can say whatever I want and nobody asks any questions.
[Mr. Johnson walks into the staff lounge as the teachers watch TV:]
Mr. Johnson: Taking a personal day. Going fishing with my friends. Anyways, toilet paper's in the closet.

Janine: Guys, the lights in the back hallway have been out for weeks.
Melissa: Thank you for the update.
Barbara: What are you wearing?
Janine: And we need to do something about it. Okay? Uh, uh, Melina, from your class... Yeah, she was afraid to come to school this morning. Said it looked like The Shining, and I don't even get how she knows that reference.
Melissa: She loves The Shining.
Jacob: It's a classic movie.

Melissa: You don't think it kills us to see those faces in the morning? What, are we made of stone? You're not the first person to feel things, kid. We care.
Janine: How do you and Barbara stop yourselves from caring too much, if that's a thing?
Melissa: Because it's the opposite. We care so much, we refuse to burn out. If we burn out, who's here for these kids? That's why you gotta take care of yourself. What is with you today, anyway? You... You're normally bananas, but...
Janine: I don't know. Just some stuff at home, I think.
Melissa: Oh. Okay. See, that's the other thing me and Barbara learned. All that at-home stuff... You gotta... [clicks tongue] Leave it right at that door. Otherwise, you open up a whole 'nother Panera's box of problems.
Janine: I think you mean Pandora's box.
Melissa: No, I'm pretty sure it's Panera's box.

Melissa: [aside to camera] Oh, we love Action News. We get in early just to watch it. It just calms you down after wanting to take a wrench to someone's side mirror in traffic.

Janine: [aside to camera] See, I just can't accept this. You know, they didn't see those kids' faces. It was like they walked into The Haunted Mansion at Disney, which is a very scary ride, by the way. I don't care what people say.

Ava: Look, I know you're just a sub, but these kids need to be in their seats by 8:00. It's a school requirement.
Gregory: Understood.
Ava: Sixth time in two weeks that kid's been late. Seems like a drop in a bucket, but then... that bucket overflows and everything gets sticky. We don't want to get sticky, do we?
[aside to camera:]
Gregory: Y'all are getting this, right?!

Melissa: What's going on?
Barbara: What in the world?
Melissa: It's so hot! I'm gonna frizz!
Barbara: [gasps] Janine, what did you do?! Lookin' like who shot John.