Ava: Breaking news, y'all.
Janine: You let another camera crew onto school property? Seriously?

Gregory: This Gregory Eddie? Me?
Ava: Yeah, you, with your fine, silly ass.

Janine: [aside to camera] That's Deshaun. Deshaun's been having difficulties all year, but lately, it's been getting worse. I tried talking to him, incentivizing him with rewards, but nothing's really worked. Yet. So, I'm gonna be using my not-so-secret secret weapon, a parent meeting.

Melissa: What the hell's going on?
Gregory: Melissa, I'm sorry. I had no idea.
Melissa: Okay, why me?
Elizabeth Washington: So, we like to have a diverse, kaleidoscopic POV to bridge the gap between culture and education.
Ava: What this white lady is saying is they want a white lady to do it because y'all been acting up this year.
Elizabeth Washington: Yes! Thank you so much. That's right.
Ava: Trust me, you don't want to get on the district's bad side.

Barbara: Jacob, I'm going to ask you something, and I only want a "yes" or a "no" response. Can you help me-
Jacob: Oh, my God! [drops books] Lord, build me a fence. Yes. What is it?
Barbara: Calm down.

Barbara: And look, most of the seats are taken.
Jacob: Uh, okay, got one. [key clacks] Boom! IGAL - Intergenerational Active Listening.
Barbara: What'd you say?
Jacob: IGAL for My Gal. Put it in your cal, pal. [Barbara looks to camera]

Elizabeth Washington: Now, please welcome to the stage Italian-American teacher Melissa Schemmenti, who will introduce our marquee award, Educator of the Year.
Jacob: Okay, even for me, this seems incredibly performative.

Melissa: Okay. I'm here to present Educator of the Year for some God-forsaken reason. This trophy gets handed out every year to some random jabroni, and this year, it's going to... an underdog. When he came off the bench last year, we all wrote him off, like some 53rd overall draft pick in the second round. Yes, we did. But week after week, this young man stepped up. And this year, he is Abbott's first string. Hell, he's Offensive Player of the Year. Educator. Educator of the Year! We're happy to have him on our team, and with him, we can go all the way to the Super Bowl of learning! [cheers and applause] Ladies and gentlemen, your Educator of the Year, Gregory Thompson Eddie!

Gregory: Wow, t-thank you, Melissa, um I'm actually a Ravens fan. [audience booing]
Mr. Johnson: Go to hell.
[Gregory sees Janine walk into the auditorium with Barbara]
Gregory: Uh, this is surreal, um... But realistically, I can't accept this award.
Elizabeth Washington: Cameras down.
Mr. Johnson: I'll accept on his behalf.

Janine: That award is ugly as hell. I mean, an apple?
Gregory: You think? I'm pretty sure they got it from Dollar Tree.
Janine: [chuckles] I bet it cost [Jamaican accent] tree dollars. [both laugh]
Gregory: Shabba!