Mary: Okay, Dick, what's going on?
Dick: Mary, I've done something awful.
Mary: Well, what did you do?
Dick: I've been unfaithful.
Mary: Oh, Dick! How could you?
Dick: I don't- I don't know. At first it just seemed so new and exciting.
Mary: It's Tina Swain from the History department, isn't it? You know they're fake.
Dick: What are you talking about?
Mary: The other woman.
Dick: The other woman- Mary, I'm talking about my car! Why does everything have to be about you? Oh.

Dick: Well, old gal, I guess this is it. Hopefully, some of your parts will go to help some other car live a long and happy life. We just want you to know that whenever we see a Rambler proudly rolling down the highway, we'll think of you. Good-bye, old friend. [tow truck arrives]
George: All right, back it up. Come on back. Come on.
Harry: I can't take it anymore! [jumps in front of the tow truck hook]
Sally: Harry!
Dick: Harry, what are you doing? Did it hurt?
Harry: Oh, it did.
Dick: Wait a minute. Harry's got insurance!
Harry: [o.s.] Harry's in throbbing pain.
Sally: What do you mean?
Dick: We can fix the car!
Sally: Yeah, he's got to have at least $5,000 worth of damage on his face alone.
Tommy: You think?
Sally: Look at where his nose is. [Dick, Sally and Tommy cheer]
Harry: Ow!
Dick: Sorry, Harry. That might be enough for a CD changer.

Dick: Oh, Mary, what am I gonna do?
Mary: You should call your insurance company.
Dick: My insurance company?
Mary: Oh, don't tell me you're not covered.
Dick: Well, uh, of course I'm covered. I'm with the same insurance company as you. What's their number again?
Mary: Oh. It's on the back of this card.
Dick: Here, I'll call them right now on my brand-new cellular phone. Now, where is it?
Mary: [grabs cell phone from crashed car] Here it is. [throws cell phone into woods] Don, wait up.
Dick: All right, Missy! You're off my speed dial!

Dick: Wow! Great ride, isn't it?
Sally: Whatever.
Dick: Yup. The rental car is superior to the Rambler in every way. [chirp chirp]
Sally: I don't like the way it smells, Dick. It's got kind of a new-car smell.
Tommy: Mm. And the- the way the headlights just mold into the front grill. It's just it's smug.
Sally: Mm. It's trying too hard.

George: All right. Here you go.
Dick: $400. Oh. Not bad for a day's work. I could make a tidy living crashing cars. So, George, what now? Couple of fenders, new coat of paint, and then long slow drives in the country with the missus?
George: Actually, we're gonna chop it up and strip it for parts.
Dick: Oh. Well you're not gonna tell me what to do with my money, I'm not gonna tell you what to do with your car. Happy chopping. So long, George.
George: Dick. [walks away]
Dick: So long, car. I just said good-bye to a car. What's that all about? [chuckles] Sorry. I didn't mean it. Whoa.

Tommy: So you sold the Rambler.
Dick: Yeah. And the funniest thing happened. When I was leaving, I said good-bye to it like it was a person, like it would actually answer back.
Sally: You talked to the car?
Dick: I- I know it makes no sense. I mean i-it's only a car. It can't think. It can't feel.
Sally: Ha! Dick, it's like you actually miss that broken-down pile of junk.
Dick: I do.
Sally: Good. 'Cause I do, too.
Tommy: I miss the hell out of it, too!
Harry: Me, too.

Mary: Boy, it's a nice night, isn't it?
Dick: Uh-huh.
Mary: I've never seen the doughnut shop so crowded.
Dick: Uh-huh.
Mary: Oh, look, Dick. A wolf just chewed off my ankle.
Dick: Uh-huh.

Harry: So I said to myself, "Harry, you are walking around without catastrophic dental."
Ted: We can't have that, can we?
Harry: No, we cannot, Ted.
Ted: Let's talk about deductibles.
Gary: Harry? What are you doing here?
Harry: Oh. Hi, Gary. I'm just upping my coverage.
Gary: Why are you talking to Ted?
Harry: Well, I couldn't get you on the phone. Ted picked right up.
Ted: You mind, Gary? I'm right in the middle of writing a policy here.
Gary: Butt out! This is between me and him!
Harry: I'm interested in your boat and home policy.
Gary: What is this? You never told me you had a boat!
Harry: Well, you never asked.

Dick: Ah, somehow the stars always seem so much brighter from inside this car.
Tommy: Mm. This is the first place on earth that we ever you know sat.
[George flicks the lights on in the garage]
George: Hey, what are you guys doing in my car?
Dick: Oh, sorry, George. We'll just be another minute.
George: Oh, hurry up. Tow truck's on its way.

Sally: Look at that Rambler shining in the moonlight.
Dick: Yeah. It's great. Just like the old days.
Tommy: Yup. Stalled twice on the way home, and the muffler's in the trunk.
Dick: Yeah. All's right with the world.
Harry: Yeah. I'm just glad I had insurance. [smiles a toothless grin]
Sally: Thanks, Harry.
Harry: Ow!