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‘The Fifth Solomon’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

3rd Rock from the Sun: The Fifth Solomon

503. The Fifth Solomon

Aired November 2, 1999

Dick is outraged to learn that you can't buy insurance after crashing your car, so the Solomons must say goodbye to the Rambler. Meanwhile, an insurance salesman, Gary (Bob Odenkirk), sees a goldmine in Harry.

Quote from Dick

Don: I'm here on official police business. I was going over your accident report, and I noticed you didn't fill out your insurance info.
Dick: Oh, that's because I don't have any insurance.
Don: But, Dick, that's just plain crazy! You have to have insurance.
Dick: Why? It's just a bet against myself. The only way I can win my money back is by getting horribly injured.
Don: You know, Dick, you have a good point. I don't even know why I'm here. Oh, wait, I know why I'm here because it's the law!
Dick: No, it's not.
Don: Yes, it is.
Dick: No, it's not.
Don: Yes, it is.
Dick: Well, I subscribe to nature's law. The industrious beaver doesn't insure his dam, does he? No! He rolls the dice and if a flood should strike, he smiles his toothed grin, slaps his tail upon the water, and flies away!
Don: I'm just gonna put down State Farm.

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Quote from Harry

Sally: Man, you guys remember when we first saw this thing? We laughed so hard. What a primitive form of transportation.
Tommy: It's so loud.
Dick: So uncomfortable.
Harry: And slow.
Tommy: I mean, moving parts? Come on!
Dick: But then the first time we took a drive, wow. The wind in our hair.
Sally: The rain in our hair.
Tommy: The snow in our hair.
Harry: And then we learned about the top.

Quote from Dick

Dick: So, what do you think?
Mary: About what?
Dick: My rental car. Isn't it great?
Nina: Not really.
Dick: Not really? Nina, just watch what this baby can do. [starts car]
Nina: What?
Dick: It started right up. And listen to this. It's called FM radio. There's jazz, or rock or my personal favorite, Latin salsa. [salsa music plays]
Mary: All cars have that.
Dick: Well, not the Rambler. If I'd known what an antiquated piece of crap that car was, I would've crashed it years ago. Oh, and, uh, speaking of crap... I just noticed a little something on my windshield. Gee, I wish there was some way I could get rid of that. Wait a second, what's this? Will you look at that? Blue juice at the touch of a button. Now, tell me that's not damn cool.

Quote from Sally

George: All right. Your total is $4,955.
Tommy: What? $4,955?
George: There was significant damage.
Sally: Well, I think if we try really hard, we can get this number down just a little bit. Look at this: "replace crankshaft"? Do we really need that?
George: If you want the car to go.
Tommy: Okay, but right here, uh, "new brake lines front and rear." Can't we just go with one or the other?
George: Not if you want the car to stop.

Quote from Harry

Harry: Wow "loss of any limb, $5,000"? Hmm. So... if I lost a foot, um, do I get credit for the toes, too?
Gary: $200 per digit.
Harry: Wow! That's a nice little nest egg.
Gary: That's if they get cut off.
Harry: When they get cut off.

Quote from Sally

Sally: You have got to stop calling him.
Harry: I just need to talk to him. I don't get it. Everything was going so great. Why won't he call me?
Sally: Oh, for God's sake. Sit down, Harry! There's only one way to get a man to call you back. You don't call him. You don't write him. You don't even think about him. You have moved on.
Harry: I've moved on.
Sally: You don't care if he calls.
Harry: I don't give a lick.
Sally: You make him come to you.
Harry: He comes to me.
Sally: Because if he calls you back, Harry... he's yours forever. But... if he doesn't he was never your insurance agent to begin with. [hugs Harry]

Quote from Don

Dick: I- I don't know how this could've happened. It- It just came out of nowhere.
Don: Dick, those tire tracks tell a different story. It looks like you drove off the road and straight into this tree.
Dick: Well, that tree must be new because I've driven off this road several times, and I never hit it once.
Don: Were you distracted, maybe take your eyes off the road?
Dick: No.
Mary: He was ordering a pizza.
Dick: Mary, please. That's the whiplash talking. [arguing over each other]
Don: Well, in any case! An accident report has to be filed. It's just a good thing you aren't drunk, Dick, because that would be... a lot more paperwork!

Quote from Dick

Gary: This car's been in an accident.
Dick: You bet. Why else would I want insurance?
Gary: No. You have to buy the insurance before the accident.
Dick: Say again?
Gary: You have to buy the insurance before the accident.
Dick: Oh, I see. So that's how this little scam of yours works.
Gary: No. It's-
Dick: You people are the worst kind of scum, you know that? Now, if you'll excuse me, Gary, I have to get back to my respectable job! Try finding another sucker. Good day, sir. [pulls door handle off] Well, I'm screwed.
Gary: Well, uh, maybe you should rent a car.
Dick: Oh. And I suppose if I had insurance, you'd pay for that, too.
Gary: Yeah, we would.
Dick: Good day, sir!

Quote from Dick

Dick: [on phone] Hi, Sally. It's me. Dick. I'm in the car. I'm on the new cellular, silly. Yeah. So, what are you guys doing? [squealing tires] TV? Oh, what's on? Oh, that's my favorite show! I tell you what, put the phone up to the TV.
Mary: Uh, Dick, watch the road.
Dick: Oh, Sally, hang on. Do you wanna eat pizza tonight? No, no, I'll call 'em. I've got a coupon in my wallet. Yeah. Bye-bye. [hangs up]
Mary: Dick, you drive. I- I'll call in the order.
Dick: Now, where's that coupon?
Mary: Oh, here, I'll get the coupon. I'll get the coupon- [Dick giggles as Mary reaches into his pockets] Can't you just order a pizza when we get home?
Dick: Oh, here it is. Here, now. You see, Mary? Everything's fine and we'll have nice hot piping pizza when we get...
Mary: Di-I-ick! [crash]

Quote from Sally

Dick: Well there it is, gang.
Sally: Oh, my god, Dick, what the hell did you do?
Tommy: How are we gonna get groceries?
Harry: Yeah! Or tow each other around the block on skateboards?
Dick: Come on, just be thankful I wasn't killed!
Sally: You're right. 'Cause then we'd have to find a ride to your funeral 'cause you wrecked our freakin' car!

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