Sally: Oh, hi, Dick. How was your day?
Dick: Great.
Sally: What?
Dick: Oh, I can't keep up the facade. You were right. The thrill is gone! Oh, Mary and I used to be like champagne. Fresh and bubbly. But now, we've been uncorked too long. We're luke warm, flat, collecting flies. And there's a cigarette butt floating in us.

Dick: Magic. The first time I saw Mary, it was magic. But now the rabbit just sits in his hat.

Dick: Things have changed between us and I don't know why.
Nina: Okay, what are you doing differently?
Dick: Nothing. Same movies, same take-out. Same as it ever was.
Nina: Wait, there's an article right here on that very thing.
Dick: Oh, what luck.
Nina: Here, all the wisdom you seek and "10 New Ways to Show off Your Breasts".
Dick: Ah-ha! "10 Sure-Fire Tips on Bringing Your Lukewarm Love Life Back to a Boil". Yes. [rips out article] Now, showing off my breasts.

Mary: What are you doing?
Dick: I'm boiling our love by surprising you in your workplace.
Mary: Dick!
Dick: And I've done some shaving. Somewhere on my body you will discover a tufted heart.
Leon: Oh, god.
Dick: Leon! Two classes? Isn't that a tad weighty for you?
Mary: Dr. Solomon.
Dick: Yes, Dr. Albright?
Mary: Get out.
Dick: But I have something important to casually mention that may re-ignite our relationship.
Mary: What?
Dick: I'm not wearing any panties.

Harry: Well, here you go, Tommy. A bowl of Crunchy Flakes in skim milk.
Tommy: This is a bowl of cold goo.
Harry: That's right. Because in an effort to be more efficient, I prepared breakfast last night. And for you, Sally, a hot cup of steaming Java. [coffee drips out as a sludge]

Sally: [on the phone] Yeah, hi. Can I please speak with Oprah? This is Sally Solomon. A viewer. Oh, don't give me that B.S.! She's not on vacation, she's right there, I can see her on my TV! What do you think I am, stupid?!

Harry: Well, you know, one thing I learned? Television always goes better with food.
Sally: Um, what is this, Harry?
Harry: Ice cream. You know, I'm really enjoying your job, Sally. Oh, and I discovered another terrific household tip. If you lay the dirty dishes in the Muller's backyard, their dog'll just clean them right up for you.

Mary: So you glad we tried something new?
Dick: Not really. In fact, it made me uncomfortable and cold. And kind of shrivelly. I guess we have to accept the inevitable, things will never be new again. But I'm strong enough to go on. And on, and on, and on.
Mary: [farts] Excuse me.
Dick: Mary!
Mary: I said excuse me.
Dick: No. No, it's fine. I've never heard you do that before. Do you realize what this means?
Mary: Beef and broccoli?
Dick: Yes, but so much more! Don't you see, it didn't bother you. And I didn't bother me.
Mary: Well, good, 'cause there's another one on the way.
Dick: It's the best possible sign. We've entered a new phase. It's like you said, relationships change. We've become comfortable with each other. It's as if you've trumpeted the dawn of our new era!

Woman: Hi, would you like to try a new fat-free pizza nibbler?
Harry: Ooh! "Tasty, tasty pizza treat!" I used to watch a lot of TV.
Woman: Mm-hmm.
Harry: [spits it out on the tray] No, I'm sorry, lady. Only the best for my family. It's my job, you know.

Mary: Relaxed?
Dick: Very.
Mary: Good. Because it's time for a little bedtime story. "Finally, his eyes came to rest upon the lush, mossy valley from whence all pleasure spread."
Dick: What are you reading to me? A hiking guide?
Mary: Shh. "She succumbed to him. And like a lily unfolding to morning's first light, gave herself over to the pollinating bee of earthly pleasure." Mmm. [Dick snores]