Frank: Uh, look, Dick. Sit down, will you? You have nothing to worry about. I'm not interested in Mary or anybody like her... if you know what I mean.
Dick: Not really.
Frank: I'm sorry if I'm being so vague, but I, um... Look, not everyone is as open-minded as I'd like. Some of the people here at Pendelton aren't ready to accept that I'm... I'm... Well, you know. From a different world.
Dick: A different world? Wait a second, are you trying to tell me that you're...
Frank: Yes.
Dick: Oh, my God. So am I!
Frank: I knew the minute you walked in.
Dick: Is it that obvious?
Frank: Uh, yeah. Yeah. Ah, so this is why you haven't married Mary.
Dick: Exactly. I love her dearly, but I didn't want to marry her and then have to go behind her back to explore. I mean, I... I am on a mission.

Don: Water. I need water.
Sally: Oh, Don, what's going on?
Don: I just foiled a bank robbery, Sally.
Harry: You're kidding.
Sally: Well, what happened? Did they trip the alarm or something?
Don: No. They dropped their bag of money outside the bank, and just as I was swooping down to write them a ticket for littering, I realized, "Hey, that's not trash. That's a bag full of money."
Tommy: So if they hadn't dropped that bag, they would have gotten away with it?
Don: Well, yes, but luckily for those of us in the law enforcement community, people always make mistakes.
Sally: Really?
Don: Oh, yeah. Criminals are stupid, but I'm always one step behind them. Oh, God! I left the bag of money in the car!

Tommy: Robbing a bank? That sounds impossible. I mean, you got the surveillance cameras and the security guards.
Harry: All those dirty magazines... and the pressure to perform.
Sally: Harry, that's a sperm bank.
Harry: Oh, God, no.

Dick: Mrs. Dubcek!
Mrs. Dubcek: Hi.
Dick: Hey, what are you doing here? Are you...
Mrs. Dubcek: No. These boys just love me. What about you?
Dick: Surprise!
Mrs. Dubcek: Not really.

Dick: Being at Jeffrey's Lounge is just so liberating. For the first time since I came to this planet, I- I felt like I belonged. You know, I'm even toying with the idea of telling Mary.
Sally: Wait. No way, Dick. You cannot just spill everything to Mary.
Dick: I'm telling you, Sally. Half the people on Broadway are openly alien.
Sally: Well, I don't care, Dick. You know our policy. They don't ask, we don't tell.
Dick: [sighs] I guess you're right.
Tommy: Did you get your ears pierced?
Dick: Oh, just on the right side, Tommy. That's the alien side.

Sally: You know, you got to admit it would be pretty thrilling to pull off a bank robbery.
Tommy: Yeah, the money would be nice.
Sally: Tommy, it's not about the money. It's about the challenge. I mean, with the right plan and the proper training, I think we could rob a bank.
Tommy: You heard Don. People always make mistakes.
Sally: We're not people.

Mary: Dick, this is Frank Cooper. Frank, this is Dick Solomon.
Frank: Very nice to meet you, Dr. Solomon.
Dick: Uh-huh. So, uh, how do you two know each other?
Frank: Oh, I studied under Mary a few years back.
Dick: Really? Well, I studied under her last night.

Tommy: Harry, tell me something. Do you find it at all suspicious Sally is dating a cop?
Harry: She's been dating a cop for two years. It never bothered us before.
Tommy: We never robbed a bank before.
Harry: Well, Sally wouldn't tell Don about the bank. Or would she? No, she loves us. Or does she? No, she does... That bitch!

Mary: How was the hockey game last night?
Dick: Oh, uh, great. Sticks, ice, toothless Canadians, you know the drill. Mary?
Mary: Mmm?
Dick: Have you ever seen E.T.?
Mary: E.T.? Of course. Why?
Dick: Did you like the alien?
Mary: Uh-huh.
Dick: Did you love the alien?
Mary: What are you talking about?
Dick: Mary, I'm... I am a... [Frank enters]

[As they wait in line at the bank, Sally, dressed in biker clothes, spots Tommy, dressed in a naval uniform]
Sally: Tommy?
Tommy: Sally?
Sally: What the hell are you doing here?
Tommy: I'm here to knock off this bank.
Sally: Find your own bank, smee. This one's mine!
Tommy: Buzz off, Fonzie.
[Harry enters dressed as a Native American]
Tommy: Oh, God.
Sally: I don't believe it. He's here, too? What are you doing here?
Harry: I'm here to rob the bank. Who are you?