Marge: Sally Solomon, you took your table back.
Sally: Well, just 'cause a guy's famous doesn't mean he can walk on people.
Woman: [o.s.] We love you, Sally!
Marge: Let's go to the phones. You're on the air with Sally Solomon.
Man: [v.o.] Uh, yeah, Sally, I just want to say, to heck with Mark Hamill, you should be in the next Star Trek movie! [audience applaud]
Sally: No, I'm just a homemaker.
Man: Just because you're a nobody doesn't mean you're not a somebody! [audience applaud]
Sally: Wow.

Marge: Okay, let's take another caller. Go ahead.
Dick: [v.o.] [Indian accent] Oh, my goodness, yes. I am congratulating Miss Sally Solomon, and I am wondering if she can speak a bit about the brave and, some might say, gorgeous person who made the reservations. [to the stage manager] Thank you very much.

Mary: Well, hi, Dick. I saw the show. Sally was wonderful. She has such a presence.
Dick: Oh. Yeah, that.
Mary: It's so exciting to see somebody you know on TV.
Nina: Yeah, Jerry Springer had my uncle Jennifer on once.

Dick: Tommy, I've been trying to call you for two hours.
Tommy: The phone's been ringing off the hook. Everybody wants to talk to Sally. That last guy was the manager of the Scone Zone. They want to name a latte after her.
Dick: Oh, those poor, misguided fools. Even with a generous grace period, her 15 minutes were over hours ago.

Sally: Hello, Dubie. Listen, be a love and put them with the others, would you? Hi, boys. Sorry to keep you waiting.
Harry: Now, Sally, they just want to do an interview and pop a few photos of you just being yourself.
Sally: Well, that's fine. Why don't I just walk over to my favorite chair and relax like I always do.

Harry: Out, out, out.
Dick: Why do I have to stay in the kitchen?
Harry: The Rutherford Bugle is having a photo shoot to capture the private side of Sally Solomon, and we need to keep the public out of the way.
Dick: But- But it's my living room!
Harry: Dick, we're trying to create an atmosphere here. You know, something with a little less you. Keep moving, boys! We're losing light!

Dick: Don't they know that I'm in the yearbook?
Tommy: Boy, is this sucking.
Harry: Would you please keep it down, people?
Dick: "People!" He called us "people!" No one calls us "people".

Dick: I've got a terrific idea for a photo. Sally, why don't you show them how many Little Debbies you can shove into your mouth at one time? [Sally gasps]
Tommy: Yeah. Yeah, why don't you let 'em take a picture of you in the kitchen, burning our dinner? [Sally gasps]
Dick: Why don't you take a picture of her trying to find a boyfriend? Although it'd have to be a long exposure.
Harry: Lies! Lies! They're all lies!

Dick: Mark Hamill!
Mark Hamill: Yes. I'm sorry, sir. There is a line.
Dick: And you have crossed it. You're sitting at my table.
Mark Hamill: What?
Dick: Prepare to be heaved into nonfiction.
Mark Hamill: Hey, hey, hey, hey. Security.
Book Store Owner: Uh, we don't have security.
Dick: Not so tough without " Chew-bacon" around, are we?
Book Store Owner: I think I can take him.
Mark Hamill: Thanks.
Dick: You know, just because you're somebody doesn't mean that I'm not somebody else!

Dick: Well, now I see how fame works. When a woman stands up to a celebrity, she's a hero, but when a man three times his size picks a fight with him for no apparent reason, suddenly he's the bad guy. It's just so unfair!