Harry: When do I get to touch your breasts?
Sally: Right before you die.
Harry: Fair enough. [puts his hands forward] Ow, ow, ow, ow...

Sally: [sings] Rainbows, daisies, snowflakes, that girl. [gasps] My boys. [giggles]
Harry: She's swallowed a tiny monkey.
Dick: So, Lieutenant, give us a full report on your assignment.
Sally: He was wonderful. He thinks I'm wonderful. He asked me where I'd been all his life.
Dick: You didn't tell him?
Sally: [giggles] All the coordinates. Thank goodness he didn't believe me, so I didn't have to kill him.
Dick: What happened after dinner?
Sally: Well, he wanted to sleep with me. I wanted sex, but since he was tired, I let him go home.
Dick: Damn.
Sally: But the good news is he's gonna call me. [sits down in front of the telephone]
Harry: I wish I could meet a guy like that.

Dick: Come on, sport, I'll drive you to school.
Tommy: Bite me.
Dick: Bite me, what?
Tommy: Bite me, daddy.
Dick: That's better.

[Harry carefully removes the cap from a bottle of water]
Sally: Must you make such a racket?!
Harry: [calmly] Okay, you've bossed me around for the last time. Oh, I'm sorry I blew up like that.
[Harry accidentally kicks the coffee table, making a clatter, before knocking glass bottles off it]

Nina: Sally's date? Start talking.
Dick: Well, what can I say? In her own words, it was wonderful.
Mary & Nina: Mm-hmm.
Dick: She overate, and he found her charming.
Mary & Nina: Mm-hmm.
Dick: In fact, he's going to call her.
Mary & Nina: Mmm. [both walk away]
Dick: What?

Harry: Wine cooler. [drinks] Ah! I could go either way.

Dick: Lieutenant, we need to talk.
Sally: This is all your fault. I didn't want to be the woman. You made me be the woman.
Dick: You're a decorated veteran and I thought you could handle it.
Sally: Well, I can't. [whiny] This is hard.

Sally: [kicks door down] Hello, Brad.
Brad: Sally.
Sally: I've come to check your phone.

Mr. Kersey: Dr. Solomon, let me be blunt. Tommy seems to have a problem with authority.
Coach: And in gym, he refused to climb the rope.
Dick: Well, what was at the top of the rope?
Coach: If he were my boy, I'd warm up his little bottom.
Dick: You're the one who didn't want him sitting with the girls, right?

Sally: Isn't there someplace where people can just have meaningless sex with various partners?
Mary: Yes, it's called the '70s.
Sally: Well, how late is it open?