Dick: Why did you have to grow up?
Tommy: I don't know. It's just the body I picked.
Dick: Well, I don't like it.
Tommy: Parenting's hard.
Dick: You give love. You give encouragement. You give support. And then, if you do a good job, they just go away.
Tommy: Well, then I guess you did a pretty good job then, right?
Dick: What do you mean?
Tommy: Parental love, at its best, it's the only love there is that inevitably leads to separation.
Dick: How do you always know these things?
Tommy: I'm the Information Officer. I sent you a memo on this, years ago.
Dick: I guess I did do a pretty good job.
Tommy: Yeah.

Tommy: You guys didn't have to do this.
Dick: We couldn't send you off to college unprepared, Tommy.
Sally: Oh, I hope we got the right kind.
Harry: Yeah, we shopped for hours.
Tommy: It's beer!
Sally: Ah!
Dick: Not just beer, but...
Tommy: Fake ID.

Harry: Well, take care of yourself, Tommy. I feel like I'm gonna cry. [sneezes on Tommy] No, not cry. Sneeze. All right. Bye-bye.

Dick: You know I was thinking with you here at college, and me back in Rutherford, this will be the first time we've been separated in-- how many missions have we been on together?
Tommy: Oh, dozens.
Dick: It's not gonna be the same without you, Tommy. You were my right arm. The one I could always turn to for good advice. I learned a lot from you.
Tommy: Well, thanks, Dick.
Dick: If you wanted to say that you learned a lot from me, too... that would be fine.
Tommy: Uh... I mean, I must've learned some things.
Dick: Well, thanks, Tommy.
Tommy: Yeah.
Dick: Well, my friend, I'll see you in four years. Five if you're doing it right.

Sally: So, Bryce, I understand you've gathered some information for us. We're all dying to hear it.
Bryce: Well, earth beings, otherwise known as humans, get around in cars, which have four wheels. Humans have no wheels.
Harry: Yeah, we've known that for weeks, Bryce. Why don't you tell us something we don't know?

Bryce: Hey, would you help me? You know, be my mentor?
Harry: Mm. If I had a nickel for every time someone asked me that... Well, the first thing you gotta do is just sort of get comfortable in your own skin.
Bryce: Yeah, about that. I feel so tight. Especially under the arms.
Harry: Mm. You know what's good for that? Vaseline. Yeah, you just lube them bad boys up, they work all day.
Bryce: I'm gonna try that.
Harry: Also, little bit of advice here. Gum can double as adhesive, but most adhesives do not necessarily double as gum.
Bryce: This is great, sir.
Harry: No, no, you don't have to call me sir. Yeah, call me... Your Honor.

Harry: Sally, there's been a complaint made against you by one of the employees of the mission.
Sally: Who?
Harry: Bryce, do you wish to remain anonymous? Sally, Bryce feels [sighs] that you've been sexually harassing him, and he has requested that he, at no time, be left alone in a room with you.
Sally: I think that's something I'd like to discuss with Bryce privately.
Harry: Okay, I'll leave you two alone.

Dick: Our first Sunday night without Tommy. Feels kind of funny, being out here without him, doesn't it?
Sally: Yeah, it kinda does. But, you know- I'm okay with it. After all, I've been left with two of the greatest guys I've ever been on a mission with.
Sally and Harry: Aw.
Tommy: Hey, guys.
All: Hey, Tommy.
Sally: What's going on?
Tommy: Well, school's only an hour away, so I figured I could do my laundry here. [all sigh]
Harry: I wonder what Tommy's doin', right now?
Sally: Mm. Separating his whites.
Harry: Yeah. Maybe starting a pre-soak.
Dick: Mm. I hope he goes easy on the bleach. But you know Tommy. He won't.
Sally: Nope.

Dick: Look at you, Tommy. The first Solomon to go to college. You get to explore new horizons, expand your mind, and help us to further understand that curious race we call human.
Tommy: Yeah, plus I don't have to live with you freaks anymore.

Sally: Bye, our little Information Officer. How in the world are we ever gonna replace you?
Tommy: Well, you know, you'll just... [zapping] Who are they?
Sally: Oh, we're interviewing for your replacement. So if you could just...
Harry: Bye-bye, Tommy! Bye-bye.