Sally: Let's take a five, shall we? Let me pour you a glass of wine.
Bryce: My research tells me that alcohol dulls your senses and impairs your judgment.
Sally: I had not heard that. You know something, Bryce? If you play your cards right, I really think you have a chance to go far.
Bryce: How far?
Sally: All the way. But that's just the beginning.
Bryce: How can all the way be just the beginning?
Sally: I like the way you think, Bryce. But you can stop now.

Bryce: Don't you want to hear the rest of my research?
Sally: Ooh, I'm dying to. But you know what? This chair isn't very comfortable. I wanna sit where you're sitting. Oh! No, no, no. Don't get up. [sits on Bryce's lap] Okay. What'cha got?
Bryce: Well, uh-- uh-- traffic lights? Green means go.
Sally: [screams] You cracked the code. Let's celebrate. [leans into kiss Bryce] Oh. [yelps, squeals]
Bryce: You know, if we're through working tonight, I think I'm gonna turn in.
Sally: Oh, no. We're not through, Bryce. You come back here, and you finish what you started.
Bryce: I'm beginning to wonder if you care about traffic lights at all!

Dick: I came as soon as I heard. Tommy, what were you thinking?
Tommy: You set me up, you bastard.
Chancellor: He's been saying that all morning.
Dick: Sure. Blame Dad. I suppose you'll be sending this good-for-nothing home with me.
Chancellor: Well, it is a serious offense.
Dick: Where are the expulsion forms? In your desk? I- I could give you a leg up.
Chancellor: Tommy. For your infraction, I am issuing a warning.
Dick: That's it, Tommy! Pack your bags! Get in the car- [stammers] A warning?
Chancellor: Mr. Solomon, this is an institution of higher learning, after all. And we don't want to stifle youthful exuberance.
Dick: A warning? Why don't you just give him a big wet kiss?
Chancellor: Dr. Solomon! It was only a prank.
Dick: Only a prank! You should wipe scum like this off of your campus!

Chancellor: [chuckles] I remember my own freshman prank. I messed with the marching band's formation, and made them spell out a dirty word.
Tommy: [laughs] That's very funny.
Chancellor: Well, it's nothing like this.
Tommy: Well, you're too kind.
Dick: What's happening here?
Chancellor: Are you dating anyone? You know, I have a daughter about your age.
Tommy: I'd love to meet her.
Dick: No, wait a minute!
Chancellor: You know, I'm gonna call her up. She oughtta see this. Such attention to detail. I love the coffee mug.
Tommy: Thank you.

Dick: But the coffee mug was my idea!
Chancellor: What?
Dick: This whole thing is mine. He had nothing to do with it! I'm the mastermind behind the freshman prank!
Chancellor: Oh, really.
Dick: Yes! If there's anyone you should be foisting your daughter off on, it's me!
Chancellor: Get out of here!
Dick: Good day, sir!

Sally: Bryce, look. You're very new here. And you must have misunderstood my professional encouragement. I mean, a pat on your muscular back is not harassment.
Bryce: Well, I looked it up. And according to state laws, harassment is any verbal or physical overture that makes me feel uncomfortable, and I'm very uncomfortable.
Sally: Well, if you're not comfortable, you should take off your pants.
Harry: Casual Thursday. [unzips pants]
Bryce: That is it. I don't think I can work here with Sally around. Either she goes, or I go. [Harry zips up his pants]
Harry: Sally?
Sally: Okay. Everything you said was true, Bryce. I treated you like a sexy, hunky object instead of a sexy, hunky employee, and I'm sorry. I'm the one who should go.
Harry: This is good. The system works. [sighs] Bye bye, Sally!
Sally: See you, Harry! [opens closet door] Bryce. Look, it's a small universe, and we may work together again. So I just wanna say that I've learned a really valuable lesson here, today, and well, no hard feelings. [offers hand]
Bryce: Of course not.
Sally: Cool. [grabs Bryce and shoves him in the closet] In you go, you piece of meat! [zapping] We're never hiring anyone every again.
Harry: Well, with him gone, I guess you'll be wanting me to oil up and put on the Speedos.

Tommy: What?
Dick: I came to tell you I'm leaving!
Tommy: Then leave.
Dick: But I can't leave without speaking my mind.
Tommy: Well, you never could.
Dick: You are making a big mistake, mister! College is not what you think it is.
Tommy: Oh, it doesn't matter what I think-
Dick: It's a big, ugly machine that will chew you up and spit you out. I don't approve of college-
Tommy: You teach at a college!
Dick: Oh, sure! Throw that in my face!

Dick: You know what the problem with your generation is? You never had to work!
Tommy: Work? I work! I'm third in command on this stupid mission!
Both: Oh, ha ha ha!
Dick: You know, I don't even know who you are anymore! You've changed!
Tommy: I have not.
Dick: Oh, yes. With your new life of learning. Your Internet. Your Nintendo. Your fancy friends.
Tommy: I-
Dick: MTV. Your virtual reality. Your- Your- And your- I don't even know!
Tommy: What are you talking about?
Dick: What am I talking about? I'll tell you what I'm talking about! I don't want you to go! [sighs] I don't want you to go.

Dick: So how did things work out with the new guy?
Sally: Oh, well, he decided to pursue career opportunities elsewhere.
Dick: You came on to him, huh?
Harry: Like Germany came on to Poland.