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Why Dickie Can't Teach

‘Why Dickie Can't Teach’

Season 6, Episode 6 -  Aired December 5, 2000

Dick tries to convince Tommy to attend Pendelton. Meanwhile, Sally sets her sights on making Don one of Rutherford's most powerful men.

Quote from Mrs. Dubcek

Sally: How did these bozos get to be so powerful?
Mrs. Dubcek: You know what they say: under every great man is a great woman.
Don: Don't you mean "behind every man"?
Mrs. Dubcek: Oh, you're dirty.


Quote from Dick

Dick: Well, Tommy, you could go out and play the field, but, uh, why not marry the girl next-door? Pendelton.
Tommy: You think that Pendelton's better than Princeton?
Dick: Tommy, when all's said and done, on Friday, Princeton serves fish sticks, and on Friday, Pendelton serves fish sticks.
Sally: Whoa! Look! It says here that Princeton has eight Nobel Prize winners on its faculty.
Tommy: Huh. How many does Pendelton have?
Dick: Let me tell you something about Nobel Prize winners, Tommy. They eat fish sticks, and we eat fish sticks.

Quote from Sally

Don: Sally, what's going on here?
Sally: Oh, I am throwing you a power brunch.
Don: That's nice. What's the occasion?
Sally: Well, I'm gonna turn you into a success instead of a failure.
Don: I am not- Hey, this jacket's got my name on it.
Sally: I invited everyone from the "Top Ten List", along with some other very important Rutherfordites. This is Mrs. Dubcek. She owns quite a bit of property in the Rutherford area.
Don: I know her. She's your landlady.
Sally: Excellent. You keep networking.
Don: Sally, I- I appreciate what you're trying to do, but I'm not in the same league as these big guys.
Sally: Don, that may have been true of you before, but you've got Sally on the case now. Just think of me... as the wind beneath your ass.

Quote from Harry

Dick: Well, what's wrong, Tommy?
Tommy: All these different colleges want me. I don't know where to go. There's Harvard, Yale, MIT, Cambridge.
Sally: Hey, you should go to that place. Everybody's gorgeous, and it's right by the beach.
Tommy: It's the J. Crew catalog.
Harry: There's the school for me.

Quote from Tommy

Dick: I'm through with teaching. It's the career fair for me.
Tommy: Dick, you can't quit. You're a terrible teacher. That's your greatest strength.
Dick: What? I'm so confused I feel like I'm taking one of my own classes.
Tommy: Your real job is to be High Commander. And the mission says you're forbidden to change the world.
Dick: So?
Tommy: So, are any of your students smarter than they were four years ago?
Dick: Well, no.
Tommy: That's right.
Dick: So what you're saying is, by day, I'm Dick Solomon: mild-mannered, incompetent physics professor. But by night, I'm Dick Solomon: brilliant, charismatic, steel-abed High Commander.
Tommy: Yeah, something like that.

Quote from Nina

Mary: Oh, Tommy, we are so thrilled to have a student like you consider Pendelton.
Dick: We're gonna start by showing you some slides of Pendelton's magnificent physical plant. Nina, plug in the projector.
Nina: No. It'll blow out the toaster oven in the faculty kitchen.
Dick: Nina!
Mary: We are trying to recruit a student here.
Nina: And I've got potato skins working.

Quote from Dick

Tommy: I guess there's not that big a difference.
Dick: Well, I can think of one thing. Me.
Tommy: I hadn't thought of that.
Dick: You and I strolling arm in arm through the quad, swapping sandwiches at lunchtime. Oh, and you're always guaranteed a date for the homecoming dance.
Tommy: The other kids will be so jealous.
Dick: Yeah. Come on to work. I'll give you my own personal tour of the campus.
Tommy: Can we hold hands?
Dick: Sure.

Quote from Don

Sally: Hey, you guys, look! "Rutherford's Ten Most Powerful Men". What number are you, Don?
Don: Um... Number not-on-it.
Sally: What, have they just never heard of you? How could that be?
Don: Well, Sally, I'm just a cop. But I once stopped number 8 for speeding, though. He let me off with a warning.

Quote from Sally

Sally: "Behind every great man is a great woman"?
Don: And you're mine, sweetie.
Sally: But, Don, what have I ever done for you?
Don: I wear antiperspirant now.
Sally: Yeah, well, that's true, but it's not enough. Don, I've let you down. I haven't thrust greatness upon you!
Don: Sally, you aren't ashamed of me, are ya?
Sally: Oh, sweetie, no. I love you just the way you are. And to prove it... I'm gonna tear you down to the studs and rebuild you into the powerhouse you've never dreamed of being.
Don: Okay.

Quote from Dick

Dick: Uh, now, this is Pendelton's stately library, housing over twenty-three thousand volumes.
Tommy: You mean "million"?
Mary: No.

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