Sally: Well, this is a very impressive resume, Christy.
Christy: I'm hoping I can leverage my skill set to maximize the mission's effectiveness.
Harry: You hear that? She gonna something the mission's whatever.

Sally: Well, we've got some other aliens to see, but we're very interested, and we'll be in touch.
Harry: So, can we reach you with the transmitter in your head?
Christy: I have a machine.
Harry: Oh, that's great.
Sally: So, Christy, how are you getting along with your body? You like the boobs?
Christy: No, no, I really don't.
Sally: Mmm, yeah. The smaller ones aren't as much fun. Well, bye-bye.

Dick: Well, here it is, Tommy. Your first dorm room.
Tommy: Oh hey, check this out, Dick. These walls are real cinderblock.
Dick: Oh, I don't think so. Dear God, they are!

Sally: Oh, morning, Dick. Say, have you met Bryce Canyon, our new Information Officer?
Dick: Oh, hello, Tommy.
Bryce: Bryce.
Dick: Oh, of course. Tommy used to be our Information Officer. He's away in college. You would've like him. I liked him.

Sally: It's nice to have some new blood around here, huh?
Dick: But it is kind of odd to see someone else sitting in Tommy's chair.
Harry: Well, it's not Tommy's chair anymore. It's Bryce's chair.
Dick: Don't you dare say that. That's Tommy's chair. That'll always be Tommy's chair. He's not dead, he's just in a different location, that's all! Just in a different location!
Sally: What's wrong, Dick?
Dick: I just don't want anybody sitting in the wrong chair, that's all!

Tommy: Dick, I want to go to college.
Dick: You could go to Pendelton.
Tommy: I don't wanna go to Pendelton! You've been telling for 6 years how much Pendelton sucks.
Dick: No, but it's gotten much better. We just painted.

Dick: Well, all right, I guess I was wrong. [heavy sigh] You don't wanna leave, and I completely respect your desires. I'm sorry I barged in on you.
Tommy: Mm-hm.
Dick: I guess I'd better get back.
Tommy: All right.
Dick: Oh, by the way, good luck on the freshman prank.
Tommy: What- What freshman prank?
Dick: Yeah, you know that sort of antisocial rebellious act that wreaks havoc, but makes you the most popular man on campus. Good luck with that.
Tommy: Wait. Wait, what do you mean? Like- Like putting a goldfish in the dorm water cooler?
Dick: Oh, no, no. [chuckles] No, no, no. Something much more destructive than that. You've gotta do some real damage if you wanna set the girls hearts aflutter.

Harry: Bryce! I've been waiting for that report on mustards for over an hour!
Bryce: Well, I'm still working on it, sir. I-
Harry: Well, while you dilly-dally around, I got a pastrami and cheese here that's not getting eaten. Now you're the Information Officer. What's the proper mustard for my situation?
Bryce: Well, sir, you could try yellow, or maybe Dijon.
Harry: [falsetto] You're just guessing.
Bryce: I know, I'm sorry, I-- I'm a screw-up. I've- I feel like I don't know what I'm doing. Have you ever felt that way?
Harry: [inhales] No. No, but everyone's different.

Dick: What do you say, we take off the doorknob?
Tommy: Yeah, that'll really get his goat.
Dick: Oh, yeah, it sure will. There we are. Now for the signature moment. The pulling of the fire alarm.
Tommy: The fire alarm?
Dick: Oh, yeah, you always gotta pull the fire alarm.
Tommy: Nice touch. [alarm ringing]
Dick: Okay, Tommy, go get the toolbox and we are out of here.
Tommy: Will do. [Dick closes the door and holds up the removed door knob] Dick, open the door. You have- You have the doorknob.
Dick: I know.
Tommy: Oh, my God. You planned this! You're trying to get me expelled!
Dick: Bingo! [runs off]

Bryce: That's why old men wear their pants higher than young men.
Sally: That is fantastically useful. Bryce, thank you so much for staying up tonight and helping me out with this crutch.
Bryce: Well, that's my job.
Sally: Oh, you know, you're making quite a name for yourself in the organization. Sally's Boy Wonder. That's what they're calling you.
Bryce: Who's calling me that?
Sally: Sally.